AIBU to be uncomfortable about this - kids alone overnight

[saturdaykitchenfloor]

Name changed as I don't know if the parent is on here.

Someone I know is leaving their two children alone overnight. The children are 15 and 12, and the parent is going away more than 3 hours' distance away in the car to stay. The childrens' father (divorced) doesn't know. She is away for nearly 24 hours, then the childrens' father picks them up. Eldest child knows where the mother is.

AIBU to think this really isn't ok? Or am I being OTT and it's fine, given that the 15 year old is nearly 16?

Seems absolutely fine to me.

I wouldn’t have done it.....

Unless the 15 is very immature I don't really see a problem. I'm assuming their dad or other family live nearby.

Plenty of people move out at 16, plenty of 16 year olds have babies.

Leaving them for a few hours in the evening well maybe but thats putting a lot of responsibility on the 15 year old for the 12 YO.

I wouldnt do it or permit it:(

Can think of a lot of what if;s

Why dosnt the dad know or is he likeley to show the same disdain for the children involved??

I'm assuming their dad or other family live nearby.

I’m assuming you missed the sentence in the first post where the Op says the dad doesn’t know what is happening? Presumably because he would in mn parlance ‘be fuming’.

Plenty of people move out at 16, plenty of 16 year olds have babies.

Stunned that anyone is using pregnant 16 year olds as a positive point in this debate

I left my just turned 16 year old over night with his 6 and 8 year old brothers

I was being birth partner for dil and the younger 2s dad didn't turn up to have them . It depends on the child, I probably wouldn't have left the older one with his 11/12 year old brother at 15/16

Do plenty really move out at 16?

How do they afford to-I thought that they still had to be in education.

As to having a baby, well that makes you the parent, not the sibling, so it is your responsibility!

@joblotbubble Umm not sure where I said having children at 16 is a positive? My point is that lots of 16 year olds are living alone and raising children of their own, therefore a 15 year old keeping an eye on a 12 year old for 1 night isn't that big of a deal?

@Wildorchidz No I read that ok thanks but the dad not knowing the op has gone away doesn't mean they couldn't call or go to their dads in an emergency?

15 is plenty old enough for a one off and can be responsible for a 12 year old.

My parents left me for a week a day over 16- does that mean a week before that I was too young?

My dd is 16 in October and I've just recently started leaving her overnight along with her 14 year old brother (15 in december) so I can work a night shift. They're only a year apart though and are both responsible for themselves, she has no caring duties towards him.

My impression from the limited information the OP has given is that this is regular, the mother is gone all night and all day - up to 24 hours, she doesn’t not want the children’s father to know.
If it was a once off in an emergency situation that puts a different slant on it. Hopefully the Op will come back to elaborate.

That should read ‘doesn’t want’

Depends of course on the specific family dynamics and naturally it's possible to come up with scenarios where it might not be okay. But if the kids are fine with it then yes, it's fine. I started babysitting when I was 15 and I loved it.

Happened with me and my dsis, we got drunk, she lost her virginity and had a pregnancy scare...

How does the father not know.
Have the children been told not to tell? That would concern me more than anything else. I'm sure they'd be fine, not sure I'd do it but she knows her kids. How regularly is this happening?

Is the mum going to work, or staying with a boyfriend? Does she have a choice about leaving them (ie family can't cope without her wages) and would the children's father have them, if asked?

"Do plenty really move out at 16?

How do they afford to-I thought that they still had to be in education"

Yes. Runaways, kids who've been kicked out etc. Colleges certainly help out and the 16 year old is classed as a child in need so social services get involved. But sometimes they end up homeless and drop off the radar.

I got kicked out at 16 and lived in a grotty bedsit. The DWP used to pay housing benefit to under 18s back then.

If she thought it was fine why doesn't their father know?

I once left my children overnight - I am an only child and my mum needed me in an emergency. I had no choice. I left a note on the kitchen table (they get themselves up) and I risked my neighbours’s wrath by texting her at 1am so she knew if I wasn’t there in the morning, she could check on the children. My ex was actually on holiday.

My children told,me that they had discussed it and weren’t going to tell their dad because they had been a bit scared but they realised that I had had no choice. And bless them, it has never reared it’s head because the ex would have had me in court over it. I don’t think it was ‘fine’ as you so flippantly said but it was, unfortunately, necessary.

In this case, presumably the mum has talked it over with the children and feels no need to tell the ex. If the children are worried or upset in anyway, they will tell their dad, one way or another.

I don't see the issue. Presumably the mum is the best person to assess her children's maturity and capability? If not then that is a separate issue.

It is weird though that she wouldn't just ask their dad to take them. Perhaps he's not available?

I think it's fine as a one off. We've employed a babysitter until midnight to look after 3 dc and she was 15. If I was happy she could cope until midnight I'm not sure what horror is likely to occur post midnight? Dd1 is almost 12 and really sensible. All dc are so different.

I was babysitting at 15, sometimes staying overnight.

If she thought it was fine why doesn't their father know?
Because sometimes exes are dicks. My friend left her 12yo home for 2 hours with his grandmother walking distance away and her ex went nuts and called her a bad parent etc after that she stopped telling him anything. He'd abused her emotionally and physically when they were together so was always looking for an excuse to belittle her.

How do they afford to-I thought that they still had to be in education.
Jesus wept, what kind of cocooned middle class world are half of you living in?
Lots of kids leave at 16 due to shitty parents/abuse, I was lucky enough to get a live in hotel job, left school on Friday arrived at work on an island on the Monday, going home wasn’t an option.
Honestly MN can be so bloody blinkered!!
There was someone on here before dithering whether to leave a 17 yr old with a 22yr old sibling in case it wasn’t fair on her 🙄 Stop coddling and raise capable young adults, or in another few years your Dil/Sil will be on here moaning about their useless partner.

Lots of LAC are in their own flats at 16.

I think it depends on the children and the reason the parent is away.An emergency id different to a social life.

Yes, it depends on the reason.

I'd certainly do it if I had to, and probably wouldn't worry too much. If I had an opportunity to plan in advance, I'd get someone to spend the night with them.