AIBU to be uncomfortable about this - kids alone overnight

[saturdaykitchenfloor]

Name changed as I don't know if the parent is on here.

Someone I know is leaving their two children alone overnight. The children are 15 and 12, and the parent is going away more than 3 hours' distance away in the car to stay. The childrens' father (divorced) doesn't know. She is away for nearly 24 hours, then the childrens' father picks them up. Eldest child knows where the mother is.

AIBU to think this really isn't ok? Or am I being OTT and it's fine, given that the 15 year old is nearly 16?

I'm surprised so many people see it as a problem.

If they're left and nothing happens, why one earth would SS give a flying fuck? And what would happen that two teenagers couldn't cope with on their own?

I assume know how to dial 999 or to knock on the neighbours' door if there's any kind of problem!

"Jesus wept, what kind of cocooned middle class world are half of you living in?"

Is that really necessary?

People were talking about 16yr olds moving out as if it was their choice & they would be supporting themselves!

Sorry, busy day! The mum is going away to stay with her boyfriend who isn't local. The eldest child knows where the mother is but the younger child simply thinks that the mother is working late and arrives home after the children are in bed and has gone back to work again before they get up.

The father and mother are very acrimonious so she won't ask him to have them an extra night as she says he would say no.

Our DCs are the same age. We've left 15 year old DD home alone for 3 nights but she had a friend over and very good friends nearby as emergency contact. DS went to grandmas.

I think I'd consider leaving them both home alone overnight when DS is 14. But just one night and we'd be close not more than 45 mins away.

They would just eat pizza watch Netflix DS. would have unlimited PS access so they'd love it but it's just the emergency fire aspect that would worry me.

DD is extremely sensible though wouldn't panic in an emergency, so would be fine probably.

So the older child has also to bear the responsibility of lying to the younger child about their mother’s whereabouts. That makes it worse.

And she is prioritising her boyfriend ahead of her children..
Such a shock. Not.

I would have been ok with this as a one-off for some above-board reason that you could explain to both children and they would be ok with and you could also explain to the ex for extra back-up.

But the later posts put a very different face on things. Not only is the 15yo made responsible for lying to the younger sibling; they will also be caught in one hell of an explosion if even the slightest thing goes wrong. And there is good reason to assume that this won't be the last time either. Not on.

I don't think it's a big deal.

I have a sensible 15yr old and 12yr exactly the same ages, and no I would never leave them overnight. I go out in the evenings sometimes for a few hours, but wouldn’t leave them alone and be so far away.

If there was an emergency she is too far away, that’s the issue with it.

15yr olds have a habit of inviting friends over, and soon they will be getting up to no good, and there is no adult present or coming back it could result in a problem, a very big problem.

We did this as teens occasionally. ( by lying to parents) It always ended up with drinking, often parties, boys coming over, the occasional argument and some of the teens having sex.
I certainly wouldn’t want either of my underage dc exposed to any of that.

Oh god, I had a panic reading the first few lines of this. I leave a 15 year old and a 12 year old home alone overnight but I don't go three hours away (I'm a twenty minute walk away, less than 5 minutes by car) and I don't go for twenty-four hours. I'm gone around 11 hours. Set off as they're going to bed to read/watch movies etc and get back before they're up. I'm constantly contactable by phone. My mum calls in to check on them at around 11pm and is a few minutes walk away. My sister lives in the next street.

I don't leave them unless friends can stay over (safety in numbers). They have the option of sleeping out at family/friends which I would prefer but they point blank refuse.

I always worry people judge but at the end of the day I have rent and bills to pay and Ieave to go to work. I could ask for day shifts only but would get much less hours if I did. I can't afford to work less.

I'm not sure I would be happy leaving them 24 hours or being that far away but I am certain they'd prefer it to babysitters or sleeping out.

YABU

I used to babysit my brother at age 14 and he was 4, I was a mature 15 year old, it's not illegal what's the problem?

I honestly feel like this is why we are becoming the 'snowflake generation' people say we are

Their dad did stay with them for a while but they weren't happy because he was invading their privacy (entering their bedrooms without knocking and refusing to leave) and imposing rules on them that we don't have at home normally. He wasn't happy with it because I wouldn't pay for Sky TV for him or allow him not to pay a paltry amount of CM because he was 'babysitting' and I wasn't happy because he literally ate me out of house and home and left the house a shit-tip. I am convinced he was doing his weekly grocery shop from my cupboards and freezers, It is impossible for one person to consume as much food in one night as he did.

They refuse to stay at his house due to the privacy issues and his lack of hygiene standards.

15 and 12, completely fine in theory.

Again, context is everything. 15 and 12 in a house without neighbours in the middle of absolute nowhere, maybe not.
In a safe area, with friends or family you could call, total non issue.

No legal age but I hink NSpcc say no younger then 16 but this of course is a guide and it all depends on maturity.. As occasional thing I say fine as a regular thing I think this puts a lot of responsibility on the 15 yr old.

No way would I be leaving them

She's leaving them for 24 hours so she can fuck a new boyfriend? Absolute scum.

It's disgusting imo.

My mum used to work overnights and if my dad was away on business she left me in charge, think I was 14 the first time with siblings 9 and 7. I was babysittong by then anyhow for other people so why would overnight make a difference?

@cocomelon23
Disgusting? Seriously?

Have you not read the update Bookworm? Absolutely it's disgusting

It's disgusting imo.

It sounds a bit silly when people use the word 'disgusting' to describe something that's clearly not disgusting. It reminds me a lot bit of Donald Trump.

@cccameron
Yes, I’ve read the update. You’ve no idea what the ex is like, abusive, controlling, better he knows nothing about her private life, she’s not bringing the bf into the house with her DC. A 15/16 is more than able, maybe she’s waiting to tell the younger one about the bf. Get off your bloody high horses, the OP should keep her nose out.

It's not about the ex. It's about not prioritising a boyfriend over your children FFS

I think leaving a 15 year old alone is perfectly fine, but it's the fact they are responsible for their younger sibling is the part I dislike. I would not be comfortable with that at all.