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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be uncomfortable about this - kids alone overnight

116 replies

saturdaykitchenfloor · 14/09/2019 08:07

Name changed as I don't know if the parent is on here.

Someone I know is leaving their two children alone overnight. The children are 15 and 12, and the parent is going away more than 3 hours' distance away in the car to stay. The childrens' father (divorced) doesn't know. She is away for nearly 24 hours, then the childrens' father picks them up. Eldest child knows where the mother is.

AIBU to think this really isn't ok? Or am I being OTT and it's fine, given that the 15 year old is nearly 16?

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 14/09/2019 09:03

🙄

TheNumberfaker · 14/09/2019 09:03

No way would anybody official look favourably upon leaving your 15 and 12 year olds alone overnight. The occasional late night getting back at 11pm is one thing. Totally alone overnight to be collected by a different adult is completely different.

diddl · 14/09/2019 09:05

Seems an odd thing to do if there's another parent about who could have them.

Chances are nothing would happen, but it's a kid in charge of a kid & it's not something I would do.

Not quite the same as a babysitter who hopefully is awake!

cccameron · 14/09/2019 09:05

digging coal Grin. Is that what you did Owlbethere? I doubt it. In those days kids were lucky to live till 15, hardly comparable.

I also remember my lovely 15 year old sister buggering off out with her mates and leaving me alone I imagine this would a the common result of leaving a younger child with an older sibling.

Why is she doing this OP and why hasn't she asked their father to have them an extra night? I would be raging if I arrived at pick up to discover my kids had been left alone all night when I could have had them

imnotinthemood · 14/09/2019 09:05

This sort of thing has been asked before . All I can say is based on my experience from when I was primary school age I regularly looked after my younger brothers . When I was about 10/11 I used to collect my baby brother from childminder after school go home where my other younger brother would go straight from school and look after them both . I was quite a responsible child and mostly liked it , It was never for too long . I do remember on occasions I wasn't comfortable with the responsibility and 1 occasional on holiday I said I wasn't going to the kids club I was age 10 so my mum assumed it would be ok to look after my 2 year old brother . I remember being very upset but couldn't say anything on any of those occasions. I think if the parent knows the child is responsible and is comfortable not I have no choice to leave you like I had , then it's fine .
The child needs to be able to call on someone though like a neighbour maybe .

elessar · 14/09/2019 09:06

At 16 you can legally get married and have children.

What difference does a couple of months make to the capability of the teen in this situation, really?

Provided they are sensible and responsible this is not a major concern.

cccameron · 14/09/2019 09:08

I think people are missing the point. It's not leaving a 15 year old that's the problem. It's leaving them responsible for a younger child.

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 09:08

At 16 you can legally get married and have children.

What difference does a couple of months make to the capability of the teen in this situation, really?

Well you could argue about the capability of 16 year olds holding down a marriage 🤷‍♀️

Being legally old enough to doesn't mean they are capable or ready.

cccameron · 14/09/2019 09:09

At 16 you can legally get married and have children

Yes that always ends well Hmm Usually with the grandparents caring for the baby

elessar · 14/09/2019 09:11

@joblotbubble I'm not saying I think it's a good choice (!) but nevertheless it is the law.

This is only a thin line from that situation, so I just think all the posts saying this is hugely unreasonable, dangerous etc are a little bit over the top.

elessar · 14/09/2019 09:12

Also marriage and babies is a life long choice and vast responsibility- this is literally one overnight in charge of a near teen, not even a young child or baby.

I just think there needs to be perspective

diddl · 14/09/2019 09:13

"At 16 you can legally get married "

I thought that you needed parental permission?

Wildorchidz · 14/09/2019 09:13

How often does this happen OP?
And it’s for almost 24 hours - not just overnight

TabbyMumz · 14/09/2019 09:14

My next door neighbour regularly leaves her 13 year old and a friend alone overnight.

HennyPennyHorror · 14/09/2019 09:16

Guidelines are that children under 16 should not be left overnight. I think it would be fine but the older one isn't quite old enough to look after the younger one...that's too much responsibility generally BUT some kids are very trustworthy and sensible. It's kind of ok...and kind of not.

Littlepond · 14/09/2019 09:16

I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old and I would happily leave them overnight for one night. They would be fine. I have no need to do so, and would prefer not to (err on the side of caution and all that) but I wouldn’t worry about them if I had to do it!

Tiredtessy · 14/09/2019 09:16

Is the dad a twat who wont do anything extra to help out? Maybe she didnt ask or tell him because he would criticise her and say no?

Guess it depends what the mum is doing and how responsible the children are?

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 09:16

@elessar my point was that the law creates a line. Everyone reached that capability at a different time. So while the law exists, it's up to parents to see past that and understand their individual children. Which is basically what I said in my first response. It very much depends on the child, not the law.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 14/09/2019 09:17

Imo the 15 year old is probably old enough to be left alone overnight, but might struggle being left alone in charge of the 12 year old, who might act up.

But then maybe the 12 year old is the sensible one, and would keep the 15 year old in check as much as vice versa? (My sis and I would have been like this as teens, I was older but she was way more mature...).

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 09:17

Also marriage and babies is a life long choice and vast responsibility- this is literally one overnight in charge of a near teen, not even a young child or baby.

It was you who brought marriage into it

rookiemere · 14/09/2019 09:18

If something happened then I think social services would find the distinction between 15 and 16 quite an important one.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 14/09/2019 09:19

" I would be raging if I arrived at pick up to discover my kids had been left alone all night when I could have had them"

^This too.

Waveysnail · 14/09/2019 09:21

Why is she doing this?

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 14/09/2019 09:21

So weird that this is even an issue. How immature must this 15 year old be for you to be concerned? We were regularly put in the care of our older 15/16 year old sibling and were fine. My mum left home at 14....

Lyingonthesofainthedark · 14/09/2019 09:22

I know of a family where the 12 and 15 year old were regularly left alone overnight, and it didn't go well because of bullying.

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