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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he selfish or am I being narky

105 replies

mammyisainmdom · 13/09/2019 22:47

First time poster, long time lurker!

I am 20 and DP is 25. We both live with our respective parents. We have a 11 month old DS (My mum is retired and minds him during the day when I get my 20 hours a week done) We are saving for a deposit to buy a house, nearly there. He works full time, I work part time. We are together 2.5 years. He takes the baby from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. Things are normally great but I need to know who's in the wrong here. I don't work Fridays, my parents are gone away for the weekend from this morning on a holiday that was booked well in advanced, baby has a vicious tummy bug, couldn't keep anything down so DP and I were in A+E with him for 5 hours last night, he usually goes to the pub on a Friday evening with his friends, I am quite anxious at home with the baby and caring for a sick child is all new to me so I asked this morning if he would stay home tonight to help me with DS instead of going to the pub and he didn't reply til this evening when he completely ignored the message and said 'leaving work and heading to the pub, i'll let you know when i'm home'. I left it for a few hours and then text to say I was really struggling with DS and he is very unsettled and I asked why did he blatantly ignore this message? He replied saying I should be taking it up with my parents instead of him that they left for a holiday when they knew I'd need their help because everyone knows he goes to the pub on a Friday evening.

For what it's worth, I know he is in the pub, I can see the whole night play out on his various friends Instagram stories. He spends quite a bit of time in my mums and vice versa, we both get on with each others families great. AIBU or is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Goodlookingcreature · 13/09/2019 22:49

You’re not being unreasonable babe, he’s being a dick. Lock him out.

Bourbonbiccy · 13/09/2019 22:52

No your are not being unreasonable. It scary when you have your first child and it's quite normally to want a little support from your partner, the first time they are ill.

You need to get things like this ironed out before buying a house,

peachgreen · 13/09/2019 22:55

He's a useless prick who isn't parenting his child. Don't let your parents pick up his slack any more. And don't move in with him until he's proven himself to be a responsible adult.

Treesinaforest · 13/09/2019 22:59

Think long and hard about why you would buy a house with someone who does not want to help you when you are vulnerable.

And think about how selfish somebody would have to be to stay away from their sick child, and actually say that the child's grandparents have a greater responsibility than the child's father.

That kind of mindset doesn't change.

Deal breaker for me, I'm afraid. You'll have to decide whether you're willing to accept him as he is.

dollydaydream114 · 13/09/2019 23:07

YANBU and you should seriously rethink your plan to buy a house with this man.

Shodan · 13/09/2019 23:08

'Everyone knows he goes to the pub on a Friday evening'?

What a massive twat.

PPs are right- he's being a dick. My eldest son is 23 and knows better than that.

TBH ,looking at this from the ripe old age of 50 an with (ahem) a fair bit of experience under my belt with men, I'd dump this one straightaway. I doubt he'll change now, and even if he wants to try, do you really want to be the one to 'train' him? You already have a child to teach, don't land yourself with another, larger, one.

EKGEMS · 13/09/2019 23:11

Son of a bitch. I hope he gets drunk and belligerent and someone kicks his pathetic ass

Stompythedinosaur · 13/09/2019 23:14

It doesn't sound like it considers himself a parent. I'd be really worried that he isn't prioritising his child. Why on earth is your mum doing more childcare than he is?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/09/2019 23:16

He’s a selfish prick. Your parents have no responsibility for your child, he does. If he was in work it would be kind of them to rally round to support you, but the pub is not a priority.

Original poster
mammyisainmdom · 13/09/2019 23:16

Admittedly my friends do say I have 2 kids. An 11 month old and a 25 year old one. He can be a tad narcissistic sometimes and act like a 'lads lads lads', lad. I really ain't selling him great. Maybe I knew what you are saying @Treesinaforest but just needed to see it written in plain English in front of me.

Thank you all!

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 13/09/2019 23:17

He's in the wrong, but you know that. He prioritised the pub over a sick baby.

Templetonstunafish · 13/09/2019 23:23

He's a fucking selfish dick. Do not buy a house with this man he does not respect you. Sorry. It's better to know now and not waste more time on him though, you have lots of time ahead of you. Flowers

Ravenclawmum · 13/09/2019 23:24

He is selfish.
No way his Friday night plans trump his parenting responsibilities! I can't get over him expecting your parents to cancel their holiday to look after HIS poorly child. He definitely needs to step up more as a dad and get his priorities straight.
Sorry your DS is so poorly, hope he is feeling better soon and that you get a good rest.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 13/09/2019 23:26

He really thought the grandparents should cancel a holiday to look after their sick grandchild instead of the father missing one week at the pub?

Horrible

From your updates it's not the first time he acted like this though

Pinkbonbon · 13/09/2019 23:31

So your parents should cancel their holiday to help look after his sick child whilst gw goes to the pub!? Aye right. That isn't a 'tad' narcissistic, it's the whole shebang.

Gotta echo other posters, feck moving in with that.

pooboobsleeprepeat · 13/09/2019 23:36

Wtf?! Is this an actual question? I can’t belive a grown man would act like this when his child and partner need him. If one of my children were ill my dp would move heaven and earth to be with them.
Grow a backbone and stop mummying this child your dp.

Innocentinfamy · 13/09/2019 23:38

Absolute bell end. How proud must his mother be.
Flowers for you op, its hard but try not to waste your life waiting for him to have an epiphany that'll never arrive

ControversialFerret · 13/09/2019 23:38

I'd reply to him and say: Are you taking the piss? You're his Dad - and your first priority should always be your child's welfare. Being a parent is not a part-time responsibility and you can't just dump it on someone else when you don't feel like it.

Then I'd dump the fucker. He won't get any better. Don't buy a house with him - use your cash to sort yourself out and find a decent bloke rather than this immature and lazy knob.

peachgreen · 13/09/2019 23:45

Get rid. He won't get any better.

Sunshine93 · 13/09/2019 23:48

He's quite clearly a horrible man. You are 20 and have some savings by the sounds of it. Don't let the amazing life you hopefully have ahead of you be with this dreadful man.

I am not denying it's hard to do it on your own with a baby but without this useless idiot weighing you down it will be a damn sight easier than it is now.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 13/09/2019 23:49

100% agree with previous posters.

He's no parent.
Don't get a house with him.

Tell him to enjoy his time with his mates as they obviously come before you and your child.

messolini9 · 13/09/2019 23:50

I should be taking it up with my parents instead of him

"My parents didn't conceive this baby - you did.Man up or fuck off."

Really.
He's either in or out. This is not a game. You need him to step up, or step out & leave you to arrange your life without him.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 13/09/2019 23:55

You refer to him as ‘DP’, but I’m afraid he’s no such thing. He’s a boy who got a girl pregnant and now doesn’t understand why life has changed. Ditch him ASAP. I hope to God you’re on the pill.

Iloveacurry · 13/09/2019 23:56

He’s a knob, you do know don’t you?

Your parents have every right to go on their holiday.

This is his child who is sick and who he should be looking after.

He goes to the pub every Friday?! Tell him to grow the fuck up and act like a parent.

chickenyhead · 13/09/2019 23:58

I hope DS feels better soon.

He is so very immature, you have a decision to make, do you try to educate a grown man, or do you focus your energy on yourself and DS.

you are both worth more than this. It isnt even second place, it is the back stop. Sad little man. X