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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do some parents let their kids stay out so late?!!

114 replies

TangoPink · 13/09/2019 22:16

It's driving me crazy that my son who has just left school and started college has friends that appear to have no curfew. Its not that these are the kids who would have been left to their own devices since they were young either, all generally upper working class to middle class. Could it be that they are more mature than my son? That doesnt remove the dangers though!

My son is out with his friend group with no sign of them going home yet. I try to be flexible on curfew as I would rather him stay out an extra half hour than walk home alone and when he's at parties/houses I go with a general finish time based on the host.

Is it U to think 10.30 is late enough for a bunch of 16/17 year olds roaming the streets?!

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 14/09/2019 05:16

At 16-17 I had no curfew...I was trusted. But I never roamed the streets at that age either! What almost 18 year old wants to walk about the streets?

My DD is 15 and goes to hang out at various friend's homes...there's usually a group of them. Sometimes they come to our house and play guitars and sing or just act stupid and eat...listen to music and things like that.

If they go out then it's to the shopping centre for a burger or cinema.

At your son's age...college age...it's normal for him to be trusted. 10.30-11.00 on weekends is ok imo.

BoomZahramay · 14/09/2019 05:29

I didn't start going out until I was about 15, and I didn't have a curfew, but my parents often had to pick me up, which they weren't prepared to do past 10:30/11pm.

By 16, I had a part time job so could club in for taxis, and friends started passing their driving tests, so then it didn't matter.

BilboBercow · 14/09/2019 05:35

I think at 17 in particular you need to start preparing them for adulthood and allowing them to self regulate a bit. At 17 I was working full time and going to nightclubs at the weekend.

Yellowcar18 · 14/09/2019 05:41

I had no curfew at that age and would often stay out for 2/3 nights in a row as college was a 2hr 1way trip, often longer than that. Tbh you sound a bit over bearing. One day, not that far in the future, your child will need to function in society without all that bubble wrap

HRH2020 · 14/09/2019 05:41

At 16 I was living in my own bedsit.

funmummy48 · 14/09/2019 05:46

I think it's less about a curfew and more about where they are, who they're with and how they're getting home. Late nights are fine so long as they're not affecting their ability to get up in the morning for work\school but there's no reason for roaming the streets.

Oysterbabe · 14/09/2019 05:48

A 16 year old can get married and have children, they don't need a curfew.

BillywigSting · 14/09/2019 05:49

I had a curfew of 11 when I was 16 and still in school but after that (so that summer and beyond) I had no curfew but did have to say if I was staying out all night /out for tea/roughly what time I'd be home and if any plans changed.

It worked really well, I had plenty of freedom because my parents trusted me and I never betrayed that trust so it stayed that way.

I had a very easy relationship with my parents as a teenager though as all of their rules were fully explained, fair, agreed upon and reasonable, and they gave me plenty of space when I needed it (for example letting me come home and be furious for a while in my room and come down when I had calmed down after a crap day in school) while still looking out for me.

HennyPennyHorror · 14/09/2019 05:50

I also think the issue is that he's roaming the streets. That makes me think they're up to no good. Is that what bothers you OP? Would you be ok if he was hanging at a mate's or at the cinema?

Zoflorabore · 14/09/2019 05:51

I have a 16yr old ds who has just started college. He doesn’t have a curfew at all but he doesn’t go out wandering the streets.

When he goes to a party or event which happens quite frequently in his friendship group, I always ask him to find out if there is a finish time. Sometimes there is and sometimes not. He’s always with his good friends and they’re really protective of him ( ds has Aspergers ) and he doesn’t drink, his choice.

If he was walking the streets I would have to impose a curfew I think. Does your ds get up ok of a morning for college?

OwlBeThere · 14/09/2019 06:00

I was living alone at 16, at 17 I moved to the other end of the country and travelled pretty extensively. I think 10.30 is pretty early especially at the weekend.

NameChangerAmI · 14/09/2019 06:26

I think 10:30pm is late enough to be roaming the streets at that age, so it looks like you & I are in a minority, OP.

My DS has football early on Sat & Sun, so I'm thinking when he gets to that age, the need to be be match fit the following morning will mean he figures out for himself that roaming the streets till all hours at night, is a bit pointless.

snowone · 14/09/2019 06:54

At 16 I had to be home by 12 - by 17 I was pretty much allowed out until whenever (as long as I came home) I wasn't wandering the streets though, wouldn't have been seen dead doing that!! Instead I was normally working in the local pub or out nightclubbing with my friends

ooooohbetty · 14/09/2019 06:55

I think it's odd that they are roaming the streets at that age. For that reason only I agree about a curfew. If he wasn't doing that then I'd say no curfew is necessary.

mindutopia · 14/09/2019 07:05

I never had a curfew growing up. I was never ‘roaming the streets’ though. I was at a friends or a boyfriend’s house. I went to uni and was living on my own at 17. So it seems a bit odd to me, but I guess it depends on the situation. Mine aren’t that old yet, but I’d probably expect them to be not out that late on a weeknight only because I still have to get up early the next day.

DeadyBear · 14/09/2019 07:12

I didn’t have a curfew then either, we didn’t really roam the streets though... we were at a local pub that didn’t really care about your age...! It often had kids (as they were) from the year below as well, so 15/16.
Over the summer though I’ve seen kids as young as 8 playing out in the street until 9.30 nearly 10 and raised an eyebrow before again realising I did the same thing. Eldest DD isn’t quite a teen yet but honestly I dread it and would hate her to do some of the things I did. I’d honestly be worried if she was still out roaming the streets then despite being out later myself and drinking! Massive hypocrite I know 🙈

happycamper11 · 14/09/2019 07:14

At 16 my curfew wound have been however late my dad was prepared to pick me up because we lived rurally. At 17 I passed my test and was treated as an adult. If it's not affecting school/college I'd not really be getting involved by this age.

leckford · 14/09/2019 07:34

Where we used to live there were many children, some of them young ‘roaming the streets’ late at night. There was a lot of anti social behaviour, drinking and drug use. Going out to do something fine, out making a nuisance for other people not OK

NewStart571 · 14/09/2019 07:37

Yes definitely the roaming the streets that is the issue. I would be worried about that. What exactly are they doing?

Nousernameforme · 14/09/2019 07:38

My 16 and 17 year old don't have curfews either tbf neither of them want to be hanging out stupidly late but if they did as long as I knew roughly where they were and that they didn't want feeding I wouldn't be too bothered.

I think this is where you get a lot of family breakdowns when the dc get old enough to be independent and are stifled by their parents then rebel breaking rules. In two years they will be off to uni or working full time start loosening the strings

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 14/09/2019 07:41

I never had a curfew ever..I told my parents where I was and they trusted me to be where I was and behaving properly.If I was going to a nightclub at 17 then I told them.It all comes down to respect and honesty.Why would anyone want to roam the streets so late? They must be bored stiff thats when the problems start.

WindsweptEgret · 14/09/2019 07:45

16 is old enough to live alone, so YABU. If they are living at home then the parents should know when to expect them home, communication, but not a curfew as such is what I would expect.

milliefiori · 14/09/2019 07:46

Depends. On a school night, unless by arrangement and for very good reason, the curfew is about 7.30 for mine. I want them home to have food, do homework and get ready for the next day, unless they are rehearsing a show or at a sports event or similar school-based activity. But on Fridays and Saturdays they are free to socialise as long as I know where they are and who with. They party a lot and stay over at each others' houses. There's no roaming the streets but they are often out until the last train home.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/09/2019 07:49

Mine didn’t have curfews at that age, but then they never wandered the streets, I would have hated that. What are they doing?

If mine were at a party, I was happy to pick up when it finished, 1/2 am

MaybeitsMaybelline · 14/09/2019 07:50

I didn’t give my college kids curfews but I did ask what time they were expected home and where they were going. If that changed during the night I expected an update such as a call or text.

It worked for us. In reality at 16, late nights meant gatherings at friends houses. At 17 it was going round town with fake ID.

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