Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Why do some parents let their kids stay out so late?!!

114 replies

TangoPink · 13/09/2019 22:16

It's driving me crazy that my son who has just left school and started college has friends that appear to have no curfew. Its not that these are the kids who would have been left to their own devices since they were young either, all generally upper working class to middle class. Could it be that they are more mature than my son? That doesnt remove the dangers though!

My son is out with his friend group with no sign of them going home yet. I try to be flexible on curfew as I would rather him stay out an extra half hour than walk home alone and when he's at parties/houses I go with a general finish time based on the host.

Is it U to think 10.30 is late enough for a bunch of 16/17 year olds roaming the streets?!

OP posts:

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 09:04

Being out until 11pm is ok.

Roaming the streets is not.

smemorata · 14/09/2019 09:05

My son is almost 15 and has to be in at midnight. This seems late to me but is the norm where I live. You have to strike a balance between letting him have a social life and imposing some limits.

pikapikachu · 14/09/2019 09:14

I think that the majority of y12 wouldn't have a curfew on Friday and Saturday night because there's no school tomorrow. Considering that mine left for uni at 18 I think that the routine of no curfew if no school/work the next day makes sense. If you are too strict and have a curfew every day I think that you run the risk of them going crazy when they leave you at 18. My sons not had a weekend curfew since y11 and the time that he comes home has become earlier over time.. He knows the "cost" of a late night and how it's not so worth it any more.

I wouldn't be so relaxed if the police came knocking for them, their grades fell or they had problems going to school on the other days though. They know this and haven't abused this condition.

Crime and drugs happen in daylight as well as night.

WellButterMyArse · 14/09/2019 09:19

You're being ridiculous suggesting that a 10.30 curfew for 16 and 17 year olds is appropriate. The problem there is you, not the other parents. They shouldn't be roaming the streets.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 14/09/2019 09:21

At 16 I used to go to all night raves and free parties. From 14/15 I would often stay out all night pissed as a fart. No one really bothered about it. It seemed quite normal for those I was hanging around with.

Dd is 14, by 16/17 I’d like to think she could sensibly self regulate and I wouldn’t have to set a curfew. She doesn’t really have one now, but her group of friends are a lovely geeky bunch who don’t stay out past about 9pm unless it’s a sleepover. Dd2 may be a different matter!

lovelyupnorth · 14/09/2019 09:21

My DDs 17/18 no curfew but also they’ve never wandered the streets.

18 y/o now in Africa for a year

AsTheWorldTurns · 14/09/2019 09:30

My nearly 17 year old has a 1am curfew on weekend nights, but he is absolutely forbidden to be roaming the streets - I would lose my marbles. I generally know where he is when he's out.

WWlOOlWW · 14/09/2019 09:30

My almost 17 year old doesn't have a curfew and has never really had a curfew.. but he's never been one to wander the streets. He needs to let me know where he is going and let me know if his plans change. Generally his is at a local friends home (or they are all at mine).

He also takes himself off to bed at 8pm when he is tired.

PortiaCastis · 14/09/2019 09:30

My dd was driving herself home at 17 and no curfew as such but did like to know where she was but didn't want her roaming the streets or doing charlie.

prettybird · 14/09/2019 09:34

A Friday night curfew? For a 16-17 year old?

From 16, I trusted ds to be sensible. He didn't "wander" the streets at all hours ; he walked home from a party in the early hours - sometimes taking a detour to make sure that a female friend got home safely.

He would however let us know if he was going to be out extra late (ie after midnight), so that we knew to lock the front door.

At 17 (nearly 18 ) he was away at Uni 2.5 hours away, so I have no idea what time he was out until

I went away to uni when I was 17.5: my parents wouldn't/couldn't/didn't want to keep tabs on me. I've been the same with ds

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 14/09/2019 09:44

I had a curfew at that age but I despised my parents for it as literally NONE of my friends did. My friends were trusted and respected by their parents and as a result were very open and honest about where they were and what they were doing. I on the other hand felt that my parents didn’t trust or respect me at all and so I lied to them and stayed out late without them knowing I.e by pretending to stay over at people’s houses. Looking back, I was far more unsafe than my friends whose parents gave them more freedom and in return were given honesty. I find that these people still have really close relationships with their parents whereas I still don’t get on with my mum!

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 14/09/2019 09:46

Should add, by 17 I was curfew free due to having enough to overly strict parents and leaving home!

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 14/09/2019 09:47

Also 10.30 is even earlier than my curfew of 12! 10.30 is insanely early!

prettybird · 14/09/2019 09:48

Actually, I trusted ds to be sensible long before he was 16 - it was just his friends tended not to have late parties much before that

BringTheBounceBack · 14/09/2019 09:49

At 16 I had no curfew
I had a flat and a job

Barbel · 14/09/2019 09:49

Millfori
"The curfew is about 7.30 for mine"

Are you serious? What age are they?????????????

Aragog · 14/09/2019 09:52

Dd is 17y and doesn't have a curfew as such. But if we pick up it's as late as we are happy with, otherwise she's on the bus - and the bus to our house doesn't run that frequently late on, so she has to be aware of that. On a school night we do prefer her in by 10-10:30 ideally though unless it's a special event. She's more than fine with that however and she's very sensible as it is. She already self regulates and that's the time she cane up with for school nights without us asking. I'm not keen on wandering the streets idea but tbh she doesn't really do that though her and her group of friends do meet at the park for picnics and bbq into the later evening, just not street wandering. They all seem a pretty nice and sensible bunch though.

Fairylea · 14/09/2019 09:54

I think at 16/17 you have to let them get on with it really. Sure during the week suggest they get enough sleep for college etc but you can’t send them to bed!

My dd is 16 and works Fridays and Saturdays in a restaurant in the evenings. She doesn’t leave there till 11.30pm and walks home herself (busy main road, the restaurant is at the end of the street 5 mins walk away). She would look at me like I was insane if I told her she had to be home at 10.30!

Aragog · 14/09/2019 09:55

Oh and weekends - she just tells us what time but so far it's never been that late really unless a party. And we are usually happy to pick up anyway. So long as we know where she's staying if staying out overnight, and she updates us if plans change then we are pretty happy.

But that's just a common courtesy thing and dh and I do the same.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/09/2019 09:56

16/17 I think I had an 11pm curfew,I cant remember exactly

notangelinajolie · 14/09/2019 10:13

I never had a curfew at any age. But my parents trusted me to come home when I said I would, which I always did. As long as they knew where I was and who I was with they were happy. This worked fine for my own 3 DCs too. Trust is the most important factor here. My kids tell me where they are going - I might not always approve but I know they are not lieing to me. They tell me their friends tell their parents all kinds of tales. And in return their parents don't believe them. Why? We don't get it.

OP try trusting your son and getting rid of that curfew - you may find that he has inherited your sensible gene and comes home at a sensible hour without you having to tell him.

Ellapaella · 14/09/2019 10:18

My 17 year old has to be home by 12 on a weekend.

SoyDora · 14/09/2019 10:20

I had no curfew at that age. I was however expected to let them know what time I would be home.
I didn’t wander the streets though, I don’t think my parents would have been happy with that.

CrystalShark · 14/09/2019 10:23

At 16/17 I didn’t have a curfew. I would stay out with friends as late as we wanted and then go home. Most kids were already into clubbing by that age so certainly not getting home before 2am!

So YABU. You could ask him to keep you posted roughly what time he’s expecting to get back, or if he’s going somewhere specific? Via a text message. But if you try implement an arbitrary ‘curfew’ you’ll just alienate him from his friends by always having to leave the party/gathering before everyone else and seeming like he’s being babied/isn’t trusted.

Alicealicewhothe · 14/09/2019 10:27

I think at college a curfew isnt needed. Next year they could be going clubbing until 3am!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread