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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it a class thing?

389 replies

Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 16:53

I don’t really want to go into the why’s of this question as it’s pretty outing but I’m looking for a average opinion.

Would you ever take a ‘gift’ for the kitchen staff at a restaurant?
Has this always been a thing to do?
Do you have to be of a certain class and in a certain class of establishment for this to be the norm?
If you happen to be a Chef/waiting staff/restaurant owner/etc would you think it very strange for a customer to bring a gift for the chef and cooking staff?

The example of gifts would be, a pack of beer, some mini cakes or doughnuts, some other appropriate food or drink multi pack.

YANBU = God no, I have never heard of this!
YABU = you’re clearly some sort of cretin that doesn’t know how to behave in civilised society!

Please feel free to explain your vote! Grin

OP posts:
Level75 · 13/09/2019 21:00

This is brilliant! It's such bizarre behaviour that I can't see how it's real, but the OP seems legit so maybe there's are people out there really like that.

longwayoff · 13/09/2019 21:02

OP, you're clearly not used frequenting the rarefied sphere they inhabit and a bloody good thing too. Lose them, t hey sound deranged.

NotGreatBob · 13/09/2019 21:04

My butler does not even receive gifts, though I have no idea if this is a class issue or not.

15thOctober2019 · 13/09/2019 21:12

You would never gift a doughnut to anyone

It is the height of chav to have any involvement with a doughnut or a cupcake

3luckystars · 13/09/2019 21:18

Here, I think so much of you that I'm giving you a multipack of doughnuts...

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/09/2019 21:42

It would be interesting to know if they have ever been out to a restaurant for a second time with the same people. I'm assuming that your mutual friends steered clear of restaurant meet ups after the tea bag thing.

DorothyBastard · 13/09/2019 21:48

As a restaurateur I’m laughing at the thought that chefs, literally surrounded by tonnes and tonnes of food, would want a pack of doughnuts 😅 Your ‘friends’ are completely bonkers and I bet the back of house were dead suspicious to receive an unsolicited packet of doughnuts, apropos of nothing, from non-regular customers. Mental.

HeadintheiClouds · 13/09/2019 21:53

Who did they give the teabags to? The chef? Confused. The staff must think these guys are completely half witted; showing up with doughnuts and teabags and insisting they’re to be given to the kitchen staff.
God love them.

Eminybob · 13/09/2019 22:03

I could understand if they were regulars at the restaurant but if they had never been before it’s seriously weird

AgnesNutterWitch · 13/09/2019 22:13

Fortnum and Mason teabags

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving. :D

MittsMajuna · 13/09/2019 22:16

YAnBU Cake

hairyturkey · 13/09/2019 22:19

The text they sent you was so rude. Don't give them any more of your time!

And no, buying donuts for the chef is not a class thing- it's just not 'a thing' at all!!

Walnutwhipster · 13/09/2019 22:28

Tea bags...it gets better! That's just what I needed after twelve stressful hours in a boiling kitchen, a cup of bloody tea.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 13/09/2019 22:38

Who the actual fuck would give tea bags to kitchen staff as a gift?!

RebornFlame · 13/09/2019 22:51

Oh no, teabags! Unless the contents could be opened, rolled and smoked I doubt the chefs would want them.

GlamGiraffe · 13/09/2019 23:05

DSS worked for years in several London Michelin star restaurants as a chef. Seriously posh places. He never noted anyone bringing in gifts. He was highly appreciative if his share of the Tronc though!

zxcvhjkl · 14/09/2019 00:04

Tea bags?!! Well I definitely did not see that plot twist coming.Confused

Almostalive · 14/09/2019 00:07

Doesn't sound bizarre to me. A lot of owners take tips so at least you know the staff get it?

popehilarious · 14/09/2019 00:13

bring a multi pack of Pom Bear next time, op! Or of course some naice charcuterie...

RightYesButNo · 14/09/2019 00:18

I seriously cannot believe how rude and condescending those texts they sent you are. I couldn’t remain friends with someone who sent texts like that without saying something to them about it, regardless of the gift thing. Just can’t believe how they talked “down” to you, OP! If that’s a joke, it’s a cruel one.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/09/2019 00:28

So, where are all the other references? Can you get them to send you links? I mean, if they genuinely think it's a thing then there ought to be plenty of references. If you search for information about tipping then absolutely lots comes up, so why does nothing come up about the apparently universal etiquette of giving a gift to the restaurant kitchen staff? No offence to Louisiana, I'm sure it's a fascinating place, but it's hardly an international trend setter so one chef that I have never heard of saying something isn't proof that it's a thing.

MrsEricBana · 14/09/2019 00:54

Avoid. You don't want to catch the bonkers.

Jux · 14/09/2019 01:00

I think it's quite a rude thing to do, implying that you think they're not doing a proper job unless they're bribed by cookies. I would expect them to spit in my soup!

BrightlightsSmallvillage · 14/09/2019 01:27

Yikes, I'm going to bite & say I have been part of a party that did this! Friends big birthday, party of 10 in a fairly intimate, v. expensive restaurant with an open kitchen. Husband of friend brought booze for kitchen staff. Mitigating circumstances are that restaurant was BYO (and we brought a lot!), husband of friend is one of most generous hosts I know & definitely did not want reimbursing, restaurant did not complain about our raucous celebrating, we are (Brits) in the US. Your friends still sound batshit & rude to me though.

1forAll74 · 14/09/2019 01:39

No, its a very strange thing to do, and never known anyone to do it.