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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it a class thing?

389 replies

Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 16:53

I don’t really want to go into the why’s of this question as it’s pretty outing but I’m looking for a average opinion.

Would you ever take a ‘gift’ for the kitchen staff at a restaurant?
Has this always been a thing to do?
Do you have to be of a certain class and in a certain class of establishment for this to be the norm?
If you happen to be a Chef/waiting staff/restaurant owner/etc would you think it very strange for a customer to bring a gift for the chef and cooking staff?

The example of gifts would be, a pack of beer, some mini cakes or doughnuts, some other appropriate food or drink multi pack.

YANBU = God no, I have never heard of this!
YABU = you’re clearly some sort of cretin that doesn’t know how to behave in civilised society!

Please feel free to explain your vote! Grin

OP posts:
Jux · 14/09/2019 15:46

GreatBigNoise, it's far more fun to take it seriously though. Truly, don't believe everything you read Grin

StCharlotte · 14/09/2019 16:11

Can't believe people are still taking this seriously. I think the OP has been pranked.

I rather think It's the OP doing the pranking. You lost me at tea bags Grin

Original though, I'll grant you that.

3luckystars · 14/09/2019 16:20

An arctic roll, that's the name of it.
I'm bringing one with me the next time I go to a good restaurant. Thanks for this thread.

Is it a class thing?
LolaSmiles · 14/09/2019 16:22

I loved arctic roll!

And I agree with it being funnier to take seriously. The best jokes and parodies at the ones that could be real.

AwkwardSquad · 14/09/2019 16:24

Considerably richer than yow

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 14/09/2019 16:27

It isn’t a “class” thing. It’s a “being a twat” thing.

Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 14/09/2019 16:29

I can honestly say this is real, but then I can’t prove it so unfortunately you’re just going to have to take my word for it. I haven’t name changed or anything so I do have a posting history. You can ask MN if I am a regular and penis beaker, cancel the cheque etc.

TBH I haven’t responded as I really don’t know what else to say to them. DH is very angry and I’m pretty upset at the way he has spoken to us too.

I think unfortunately he is being serious as speaking to the (not anymore) mutual friend this is pretty much identical to what happened between them.

To answer some questions, he is in his early 40’s his wife slightly younger, we have been friends for about 3 years, DH and him get along fairly well and I am the same with the wife. I wouldn’t say we were best friends and we sort of fell into a friendship really due to a short lived on our side social club.
He has always been a bit like Boycie from Only Fools and Horses for example he likes to buy a round of expensive port for everyone in the pub and drink it as a shot. (He thinks this is the correct and classy way to drink port) He is very much Lord of the Manor whilst living in a very normal mid range house with a very normal, mid range job. His wife is fairly similar and although having a very working class upbringing has suddenly dropped her northern accent and most of her friends from home unless they have as she calls it ‘bettered themselves’

I want to make it clear we are not at all similar but we did seem to get on fairly well and DH and I let a lot of stuff just wash over us really.

Unfortunately I can see this is probably the end of our friendship, DH and I are just deciding if we are going out with a bang or not! Grin

OP posts:
tierraJ · 14/09/2019 16:29

Just back from Nando's.. what should I have given the kitchen staff then??

tierraJ · 14/09/2019 16:32

Re the port my umc ex public school friend drinks it in the pub with lemonade.
Your friend is clearly drinking it wrong!

Personally I can't stand port as an old flatmate was an alcoholic & drank it every night, it stank.

Sashkin · 14/09/2019 16:41

God he sounds tacky as fuck. He downs port like a shot?!

I’ve worked in plenty of naice restaurants in my time and this was spot on:

Having worked in many restaurants the only things the chefs/kitchen staff would appreciate would be booze, money or coke. Doughnuts and teabags would be launched in the bin.

I would have viewed a bag of Tesco dinky donuts with deep suspicion and assumed the patron was mentally ill and the donuts had been drugged or poisoned. Definitely bin.

Homemade chutney would have been nuked from fucking orbit, not a chance in hell am I even opening a jar of anything made in some random nutcase’s kitchen, it probably has botulism in it.

Sashkin · 14/09/2019 16:43

I must admit though, we would have been “appreciative” in the sense that we would have found it hilarious and would have been laughing about it/threatening each other with poisoned donuts all shift.

ACoverIsNotTheBook · 14/09/2019 16:46

Op pleeeeeease leave with a bang!

HugoSpritz · 14/09/2019 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrownStripePJ · 14/09/2019 16:59

I used to do the marketing for a fine dining restaurant, and the chefs there used to get random gifts from the VIP diners.

It was the nicest restaurant in a crappy little town. And the "vip" people were more "well to do" than the average people from that town.

It's crazy that your friend is enforcing this on you though. How bizarre!

InionEile · 14/09/2019 17:05

Is your friend Jacob Rees-Mogg by any chance? The homemade chutney, the weird stubbornness, obsession with class & archaic use of English, all-round inappropriateness... too perfect.

usernamerisnotavailable · 14/09/2019 17:10

He sounds absolutely ghastly on every level. Bin!! But please do go out with a bang. A withering comeback!! And please do come back and tell us how it goes down!

HollyGoLoudly1 · 14/09/2019 17:11

Hooray there's updates! Absolutely loving this thread, OP text them back and keep the updates coming Grin

Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 14/09/2019 17:20

What shall I text?

I’m think of just linking this thread and blocking!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 14/09/2019 17:21

*thinking of

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 14/09/2019 17:22

This is sooo good, OP. I’ve dined in some great restaurants (pre-DD Grin) and honestly it’s not a thing at least in London. I mean if Chez Gavroche is your local then i guess it’s conceivable that you would give sth to the staff. LOL at upmarket restaurants - your friend comes across as a jumped up tit.

aliw61 · 14/09/2019 17:31

I think you should text back saying “This is the naffest thing I’ve ever heard. For you to suggest that we are the ones who need lessons in manners, is frankly laughable. Trying to curry favour by offering cheap or homemade presents is not only embarrassing, but also very bad form. However that pales in comparison with your rudeness to us. Good luck with future friendships. Kind regards Polly“

Sparklynails77 · 14/09/2019 17:35

I think this is nice, but really really weird. Never heard of anyone doing this. What's wrong with just leaving a tip?

Spinnaret · 14/09/2019 17:37

Thank you. This thread has made my afternoon. It sounds like he has been trying to take etiquette lessons from Google. And getting it monumentally wrong.

I say hang out with the mutual friends and make a joke of always taking each other teabags and donuts.

Barney60 · 14/09/2019 17:37

No thats what tipping is for, you give money and say thats to be shared amongst the staff that prepared it, and compliments to the chef and team.

mathanxiety · 14/09/2019 17:38

'...but let me debase you of that idea...'

Sorry, I'm chortling in a way that is not very classy right now.