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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it a class thing?

389 replies

Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 16:53

I don’t really want to go into the why’s of this question as it’s pretty outing but I’m looking for a average opinion.

Would you ever take a ‘gift’ for the kitchen staff at a restaurant?
Has this always been a thing to do?
Do you have to be of a certain class and in a certain class of establishment for this to be the norm?
If you happen to be a Chef/waiting staff/restaurant owner/etc would you think it very strange for a customer to bring a gift for the chef and cooking staff?

The example of gifts would be, a pack of beer, some mini cakes or doughnuts, some other appropriate food or drink multi pack.

YANBU = God no, I have never heard of this!
YABU = you’re clearly some sort of cretin that doesn’t know how to behave in civilised society!

Please feel free to explain your vote! Grin

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 14/09/2019 12:57

Oh god. Please tell him that you have far too much dignity to go around hinting for freebies.

64sNewName · 14/09/2019 13:01

How can this friendship continue after such an incredibly odd exchange? That whole “proud to have taught you a lesson” thing - omg

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 14/09/2019 13:05

He writes like Rees-Mogg. Is he Rees-Mogg?

AsTheWorldTurns · 14/09/2019 13:08

He writes like Rees-Mogg. Is he Rees-Mogg?

RM, like him or loathe him, would never produce such a poorly written text, and probably thinks texts are vulgar in any case.

cheesenpickles · 14/09/2019 13:08

YANBU!

AsTheWorldTurns · 14/09/2019 13:17

Tell him that the whole episode has been frightfully lower middle-class and that it's served only to confirm a long-standing hunch that he was just this.

You could easily send him into a tailspin by saying it's been weighing on you ever since you spotted his shoes. He'll be up all night trying to work out which pair.

Divebar · 14/09/2019 13:40

I have to be honest.... this thread has given me the best laugh I’ve had for ages. Bravo to the posters for some incredible lines. And OP.... what can I say other than your friends sound absolutely extraordinary!!!

MouthyHarpy · 14/09/2019 13:41

Pollypenguin01 Your friend keeps o giving! Grin Is his name Mr Pooter?

He's clearly uneducated and really socially awkward - obviously so misguidedly crazy that restaurants humour him.

That such a badly educated snobbish & pathetically aspirational lower middle class nobody would seek to educate you - or anyone else! How can you keep a straight face - or indeed, stay friends with him? Just reading your update leaves me somewhere between pitying laughter and fury.

I'd just have to laugh - but not in his presence (remembering that the essence of manners is not making others less fortunate than oneself uncomfortable) - while handing over a tenner, and refusing all further invitations. Or maybe send them a copy of Debrett's?

TinyGhostWriter · 14/09/2019 13:42

OP, are you pulling our leg?

MouthyHarpy · 14/09/2019 13:47

Please OP send them a link to this thread. Pleeeeeeeeese

Or maybe not ...

HeadintheiClouds · 14/09/2019 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MouthyHarpy · 14/09/2019 13:57

Going back to the "proof" you were given for this mental practice. Here's the website of the LOngway Tavern

www.longwaytavern.com/

I don't think I've ever been there when I've been in New Orleans but I know the kind of place it is ... it's not what they call in the US "high end" or "upscale" - I'd hardly take the practice of the chef there as indicative of "fine dining" in a European context.

Your friend is a snobbish idiot. Drop them.

LoopyLu2019 · 14/09/2019 14:01

Everything about them is unsophisticated.

  1. Gifting to restaurant staff is odd. Unless a round at the end of shit. Much better to tip well.
  2. Asking you for any money is a faux pas at that "level". If you are eating at "those sort of restaurant" then one party (the one that chose the restaurant) pays the entire bill and tip, on the unsaid understanding the other party pays next time. This means that you avoid awkwardness as the choosing party only chooses somewhere they are able to afford.

They come across as jumped up wannabes more than anything.

Blamangeme · 14/09/2019 14:12

I think it's patronising to the 'kitchen staff' and their text to you was esp patronising! If they cant afford the £6 perhaps they should reconsider partaking in fine dining! Usually if you are a regular at a restaurant you are treated well(not talking posh ones here) like being found a table when they're really busy etc. They sound stuck up and stuffy. Not much fun. I'd do what the other friends did- bin them off and maybe spend time with the other couple that did the same. Also I'd be annoyed at someone trying to force me to do something that I didn't agree with. How ridiculous. You don't pay for a meal give a tip And give them a gift. Ffs- you'll be doing the washing up next! Grin

donquixotedelamancha · 14/09/2019 14:13

RM, like him or loathe him, would never produce such a poorly written text

You clearly haven't read his book.

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/09/2019 14:31

I couldn't be friends with anyone who spoke to me like that.

Definitely pay them the £6 in 1p coins.

Celticrose · 14/09/2019 14:34

So if this was indeed a thing then all kitchen staff across the country in the high end ones would be going home every night loaded with gifts from all the patrons. Or maybe they take it in turns after all there is only so many donuts one can eat or beer one can drink or whatever they have been gifted.

Tbh I have never heard of this and your friend is not going to have many if he keeps this up.

Were these just run of the mill donuts or from a specialist shop. My dh found a very special donut place on holiday last year and would make a lovely gift if visiting friends or family.

AwkwardSquad · 14/09/2019 14:41

This is brilliant. It’s like a Fast Show sketch, or Harry Enfield.

15thOctober2019 · 14/09/2019 14:43

He writes like Rees-Mogg. Is he Rees-Mogg?

Doughnuts? It would be a bakewell tart or a spotted dick.

Redglitter · 14/09/2019 14:44

Your friend clearly isn't as high class as he thinks if hes chasing you so much for £6

Cambionome · 14/09/2019 15:16

I laughed out loud at the Branston pickle idea but this has gone on too long now, op. It's definitely a wind up.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 14/09/2019 15:21

Your friend clearly isn't as high class as he thinks if hes chasing you so much for £6

Absolutely. Quite aside from the unutterable rudeness of what your friend has written, this smacks of meanness. Are your friends Margo Leadbetter-esque social climbers? Frankly they sound absolutely ghastly.

I make homemade chutney and while I have given it to friends who happen to be chefs I would never dream of taking it to a restaurant and use it as some sort of leverage for better treatment. How crass. I can imagine the kitchen conversation: "Oh for God's sake, bung his wife something gussied up, then he'll feel special and might leave us alone!"

Jux · 14/09/2019 15:32

No one with any real class would speak to (or write to) anyone like that. One of the most telling ways of picking up a snob (someone who thinks they're classy but are a mere parvenue) is that they point out your 'mistakes' and make you feel uncomfortable.

These guys are fake. Ignore the completely forever and cancel Wednesday. Do not give them the money.

Jux · 14/09/2019 15:33

Oh, and is 'debase' in his message a typo of yours or did he actually say that? In which case he doesn't know what it means. If you were feeling like it, you could point out his mistake....

GreatBigNoise · 14/09/2019 15:33

Can't believe people are still taking this seriously. I think the OP has been pranked.