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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DM unreasonable or am I - DH cheap holiday with sister

108 replies

Miaowing · 13/09/2019 11:18

DHs sister taking her family on big holiday to Florida. All park tickets paid for in advance by DSIL. Daughters split up with boyfriend. £1500 quids worth of spare tickets going for nothing.

DSIL said to DH - why don't you and miaowing come with up if you can get a flight. I run an IT business and can't get away due to deadlines and currently my business takes me away from home. We don't have kids.

DH can get return flights to Florida for £122 using his airmails that expire in two months anyway. Same flight his sisters family is on. He's on extended leave from work using up unused holiday so that's no an issue either.

I have absolutely no problem at all with DH going - I encouraged it. I see no reason why he shouldn't go.

Just had blazing row with my mother who has called him all the ungrateful selfish bastards under the sun. He shouldn't be going whilst you are sitting at home working. You earn the money in that household and he's off spending it (he earns 65K a year - I earn double that but its not like he's a kept man).

I tried telling her that when my dad was alive, she had no problem with him going off on golfing holidays. Apparently that's different.

DH and I are off to Lanzarote at the end of October anyway - we were i the Caribbean at Christmas and South of France in the summer - not like I never go on holiday.

I've said to mum that if I don't have an issue she shouldn't and all she said was "I hope it bounces all the way across the Atlantic and makes him sick".

This is going to cause long term atmosphere which I hate (the three of us normally get along really well!) but I can't see how what he's doing is a problem.

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 13/09/2019 11:21

Your mum is being very unreasonable unless there is a huge back story here

Cryalot2 · 13/09/2019 11:22

Tell her polite

user1474894224 · 13/09/2019 11:22

This has nothing to do with your mother. She sounds rather jealous of your and DH's life. Remember you haven't caused an atmosphere she has.

Hoppinggreen · 13/09/2019 11:22

Your mum is a Nasty jealous person
Ignore her, or pick her upon her awful comments if you feel you can
You could also ask “ how exactly does this affect you personally?”
You sound like a responsible person with a good job etc so why do you care so much if your Mum doesn’t approve of something that’s none of her bloody business?

Cryalot2 · 13/09/2019 11:25

Sorry not sure what happened. Tell her politely that you are both happy with the arrangement and it is nothing to do with her and the subject is closed . She must respect your decisions.

Travis1 · 13/09/2019 11:26

WTF?! Your mother is being completly unreasonable. Is she always this judgey and opinionated on your relationship?

bridgetreilly · 13/09/2019 11:28

It's literally none of her business. What on earth has made her go off on one like that? Is there something else going on at the moment that this might be displacement for?

Original poster
Miaowing · 13/09/2019 11:28

I've always been close to mum and I guess one problem is that I've always looked for approval deep down.

She is judge and opinionated yes. DH and I had major issues earlier this year - mostly caused by me - and I don't know whether that is affecting her opinion.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/09/2019 11:28

Your Mum sounds horrible and mean and jealous.

"I hope it bounces all the way across the Atlantic and makes him sick"

Just charming.

You sound totally reasonable; she sounds quite unhinged.

AmIThough · 13/09/2019 11:28

Struggling to see how it is any of her business...

Deathraystare · 13/09/2019 11:29

Silly woman. Perhaps she is a bit jealous her self or remembering all those golf trips and how she felt then. You are happy for him so all is cool.

Templetonstunafish · 13/09/2019 11:32

I would not be speaking to anyone who spoke about my husband like that.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/09/2019 11:35

Who does your mother think she is? I'd be telling her to wind her neck in.

DH and I had major issues earlier this year - mostly caused by me - and I don't know whether that is affecting her opinion.

I think you may be sharing too much personal information with your mother regarding your marriage. If so, it's a mistake.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/09/2019 11:35

She's being rude and interfering. Perhaps you need to think about how much she knows about your marriage?

amiapropermum · 13/09/2019 11:37

Nothing to do with her at all

ArthurMorgan · 13/09/2019 11:38

Could you imagine if this was switched about so the op was the husband and the mil was slagging off the wife....

ChicCroissant · 13/09/2019 11:39

Sounds to me like your mother sees this as being related to your earlier issues, OP - if you've been away with your DH a couple of times already, how has he got so much holiday left?

I think there are some vital details missing here tbh!

RaininSummer · 13/09/2019 11:40

Mum is vu here. Also not her business as you obviously are not being taken advantage of or abused by your husband here.

EleanorReally · 13/09/2019 11:42

She is being very silly, tell her you are glad to be alone while dh is away!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/09/2019 11:43

This is going to cause long term atmosphere ...

No need at all for an atmosphere; what you and DH do with your holiday time is nothing to do with your DM, especially if she's going to make an issue of whatever you tell her

Much easier not to tell her in the first place, which might also help you to start dealing with the need for approval you mentioned

SallyWD · 13/09/2019 11:44

How bizarre! I really don't understand her problem and quite frankly it's none of her business. I'd be encouraging my DH to go too.

MrsTishellsNeckBrace · 13/09/2019 11:44

It has knack all to do with her. Ignore!

Original poster
Miaowing · 13/09/2019 11:44

How he has so much holiday left..... his career is such that he gets 18 weeks off a year between rest day weeks and holiday days and if his holidays fall on a rest day week he gets them back.

So he has a LOT of time off.

He was also off sick (on full pay) for 12 months due to an injury at work - affects were mental not physical. The nature of the injury was such it did not affect his ability to go on holiday whilst sick so his previous two holidays did not affect his holiday allowance as he was still classed as sick.,

He's back at work now but has 10 weeks holiday to use up by the end of the year so he's off from the middle of August to the end of November (there are rest day weeks in there which don't come out of his allowance)

If anyone is familiar with his industry, they may have guessed what he does but that's not the point of the post.

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 13/09/2019 11:47

It’s absolutely nothing to do with your DM and she is being totally unreasonable. I’d be furious if my mum spoke about my DP like that.

thecatsthecats · 13/09/2019 11:48

This is definitely about the earlier issues, not the holiday-non-issue.

The ill-wishing regarding the plane sounds very much like she feels that your DH wronged you. When my friends are in relationships with shitheads, I can't help but wish them ill.

You say the issues were your fault, but are you certain that would have been obvious from what you told your mum? Either way, as PP say, you probably shouldn't share so much about your relationship.