Is DM unreasonable or am I - DH cheap holiday with sister

[Miaowing]

DHs sister taking her family on big holiday to Florida. All park tickets paid for in advance by DSIL. Daughters split up with boyfriend. £1500 quids worth of spare tickets going for nothing.

DSIL said to DH - why don't you and miaowing come with up if you can get a flight. I run an IT business and can't get away due to deadlines and currently my business takes me away from home. We don't have kids.

DH can get return flights to Florida for £122 using his airmails that expire in two months anyway. Same flight his sisters family is on. He's on extended leave from work using up unused holiday so that's no an issue either.

I have absolutely no problem at all with DH going - I encouraged it. I see no reason why he shouldn't go.

Just had blazing row with my mother who has called him all the ungrateful selfish bastards under the sun. He shouldn't be going whilst you are sitting at home working. You earn the money in that household and he's off spending it (he earns 65K a year - I earn double that but its not like he's a kept man).

I tried telling her that when my dad was alive, she had no problem with him going off on golfing holidays. Apparently that's different.

DH and I are off to Lanzarote at the end of October anyway - we were i the Caribbean at Christmas and South of France in the summer - not like I never go on holiday.

I've said to mum that if I don't have an issue she shouldn't and all she said was "I hope it bounces all the way across the Atlantic and makes him sick".

This is going to cause long term atmosphere which I hate (the three of us normally get along really well!) but I can't see how what he's doing is a problem.

As I said my Dad used to go on golfing holidays before he died

I think your mum's nasty attitude stems from jealousy and resentment of her own experience.
She see's you having the complete opposite emotional experience of the very thing that probably boiled her piss when she had to 'put up' with it.
Ask her how she REALLY felt about your dad's golfing trips.....hopefully she has the decency to be honest instead of projecting her bitterness onto you and dh.

I think there is much more than this. I think the OP’s mother thinks she is being taken advantage of and this is the last straw for her

But it’s none of her business, so who cares? The OP certainly shouldn’t

So, to summarize:

• DH has the chance to spend some time with his family in a nice location. It has no impact on your work, his work, joint lifestyle or finances.
• Your mum is kicking off and causing an atmosphere, even though it does not affect her in any way. This is a pity as you are staying with her three nights a week

I would cool down communications for a month or two. You mum has no right to speak like that about your husband. In the future, I would think twice about what I shared with her. If you are worried about the "atmosphere" during the working week, consider getting an AirBnB for a short period.

If I guess his career correctly do I win a prize? I guess train driver.

Ps YANBU, your mum is.

Your mother is jealous I'm guessing of all the holidays. I assume she hasn't been on many since losing your father.

I think she's projecting, if your dad was the higher earner then of course he could go on golfing holidays but as you are the higher earner she feels your DH has no right
Bit bonkers, you sound lovely for encouraging him to go

My money is on Camera Ops at a broadcaster

So if you think your child is being abused you keep quiet because it’s none of your business.

I think OP's husband is a...pilot of some description.

Or train/tube driver.

I'm thinking Merchant Navy, or possibly oil rigs.

I think he works offshore on the rigs

I was thinking oil rigs, but they do much longer on/off periods don't they rather than rest days?

Do you moan about your DH to your mother ?

I hope it bounces all the way across the Atlantic and makes him sick

The only time I've been that angry at a man is when my dd's father refused to buy medicines for our baby because he needed the money to go on holiday the next day.

I think you need to get your mum to volunteer for Homestart or Women's Aid or something. There's a whole lot of righteous anger there about women being taken a lend of by blokes, but it's a bit misdirected.

I think she's jealous of your success and the fact that you're not bothered about dh going away. Maybe secretly dm hated ddad going on holidays.
Go and spend time with her but you've been over sharing and allowing her an opinion.

I think she is just jealous of your lifestyle and relationship. It's crazy that she is so furious about it

I think it's lovely that he's able to use stuff which would otherwise go to waste.

I think you may be sharing too much personal information with your mother regarding your marriage. If so, it's a mistake.

I agree with this. I cannot imagine for a second why she objects to this trip. It's none of her business.

Do you usually allow her to bitch about your DH and be disrespectful behind his back?

Because the biggest problem I see in this isn’t that she is judgemental, it’s how she feels comfortable sharing her disrespect of him Infront of u. What was your reaction ?

Op- does your mother have any cause to be upset about the way your partner treats you?

I think she's projecting, if your dad was the higher earner then of course he could go on golfing holidays but as you are the higher earner she feels your DH has no right

This hits the nail on the head. She has old-fashioned ideas about the role of the breadwinner in a relationship. It is not like your husband contributes nothing, he is bringing in a good wage too. It is really none of her business that he is paying maintenance - this may be an even bigger issue for her if you have children yourselves in the future.

Being kind I could imagine she is overprotective of you and has seen you continue to work hard while your husband has lots of leave and has been off sick. Only you can say if this is more likely than her being jealous and resentful of your lifestyle.

Train driver - guesses correctly. Been off for a year due to a fatality.

He does not treat me badly at all. There is honestly no reason for her to react like this other than she feels this is the sort of holiday couples should do together!

The last time my mother tried to give me her opinion on something like this, I told her firmly to stop interfering in my marriage. That shut her up. And then I stopped telling her about my marriage. It's got sod all to do with anyone except you and your DH, and anyone who thinks they have a say should be put in their place!