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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man in post office made me cry... somehow!

104 replies

OneSliceIsNeverEnough · 12/09/2019 23:01

Sigh this is such a non issue but it made me cry I just need to write it down.

Feeling hot dizzy and sick in the post office queue, swaying back and forth to ease the quease and gently rocking the front facing pushchair.

Man at the counter taking a while to get served, chatting to the lady, then turns around to pull a funny face or something at DS, I didn't really look, I was focussing on not falling down. DS 15 month has a thing for ladies somehow so I'm not sure if he smiled at this man but as for me I was looking away probably looking quite sick. He's standing about 8 feet away and didn't address me.

He turned back to the lady at the counter and said something about "she" and I thought oh ok people thinking DS is a girl again - happens sometimes. But the lady said "no, I think she looks tired". Still not totally sure which of us they were talking about and then the lady at another counter called me over and as I went to move I heard him say to the lady serving him "a smile costs nothing does it?"

This made me stop and I opened my mouth to speak like some kind of puffa fish but I thought what am I going to say? I apologise for being 8 weeks pregnant and feeling sick? I decided I didn't want to have to use pregnancy to apologise for myself when I hadn't done anything wrong. He can think what he likes but is there a need to say that within earshot?

I went over to the other counter and held up my money and somehow just burst into huge sobs. Gosh it was awful I was so embarrassed. The lady had to give me a load of tissue and I couldn't even raise my head.

Ill or not, do I really have to engage with everyone? I didn't scowl or frown at him.

I scurried away and he tried to cut me off but I just said "you didn't need to be so rude about me" and turned away.

Not to drip feed I've previously spoken about my one but really I'm not going to give this bloke a list of my ailments in the middle of the post office. Maybe I need a baby on board badge like in London.

I hope I don't bump into him again. And the lady in the post office sees me all the time I hope she won't say anything ☹

Sorry for the ramble.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneSliceIsNeverEnough · 12/09/2019 23:03

One? PND!

OP posts:
Happyspud · 12/09/2019 23:07

That fucker! Thinks women are there to smile for his shows of greatness. Prick.

workshyfop · 12/09/2019 23:12

Fucking entitled wanker Angry

HoomanMoomin · 12/09/2019 23:13

It’s from the same group as ‘Smile, love, it might never happen’. I hate it. He’s a prick.

Raaaaaah · 12/09/2019 23:15

Oh you poor thing. That’s rotten. Early pregnancy nausea and shattering tiredness is just horrible and then compounded by an ill judged and unnecessary comment. I think weeping was perfectly understandable. I was on the way back from a funeral on a train once and a man told me to smile. I’m not one for public scenes but I really gave him what for.

Raaaaaah · 12/09/2019 23:16

Sorry that reads like the funeral was on a train Grin.

BadBehaviour · 12/09/2019 23:17

Very arrogant. Hate people like this they know nothing about your life

Drogosnextwife · 12/09/2019 23:17

Fucking he'll women really are supposed to walk around with a smile painted on their face 24/7, no matter what.

EarringsandLipstick · 12/09/2019 23:20

Oh OP. I'm really sorry. I'd have been the same. Horrible man, and also instructive for us all to remember all the things that could be going on with people we come across everyday.

💐 I hope the sickness eases soon for you

SignedUpJust4This · 12/09/2019 23:22

Another wanker who thinks women are decorations. He'd never have said that about a man. Prick. Early pregnancy is shitty op. Flowers

Kolo · 12/09/2019 23:23

There’s still this idea going round that women’s only job is to smile and look pretty for men. What a knob.

A) you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re perfectly within your rights to look like a miserable bastard. Or look ill, or tired or any way at all.

B) he’s not entitled to comment on how you look. You’re not there for his benefit.

Justaboy · 12/09/2019 23:33

Dont loose any sleep over that wally you dint feel that well, end off!

Original poster
OneSliceIsNeverEnough · 12/09/2019 23:40

Thank you to all of you for your lovely words of support. You've made me feel like I have some people on my team :)

I am definitely going to see if the co-op offers train funeral corteges that sounds nice. However receiving rude comments on a train is the worst, no escape and the blokes have probably been drinking.

Yes same here I will definitely try to appreciate how others are feeling more.

People in customer facing rolls are so good, smiling at customers come rain or shine.

Last pregnancy I had the quease in Halifax and another female customer was so kind, so nice people do exist!

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 12/09/2019 23:42

This man was an absolute arse. I'm sorry he upset you, you didn't deserve that.

zen1 · 12/09/2019 23:44

I hate it when random men feel free to pass comment on women. I’ve never once observed any man being told to “smile” or “cheer up love”. YANBU and I hope your sickness subsides soon.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 12/09/2019 23:45

“A smile costs nothing”...neither do manners. Fucking entitled prick.

RosaWaiting · 12/09/2019 23:47

Oh they are arses these men.

They partly think we’re there as decoration and partly think that nothing bad could possibly have happened or that we might be - gasp - human and having a shit day.

I’m sorry OP. I hope the sickness subsides ASAP.

AnneWeber · 12/09/2019 23:48
Flowers You don't need to be embarrassed. He does for being a bitchy twat.
MrsRufusdog789 · 12/09/2019 23:52

He picked on you . And made a scene . Nasty person .

Thesuzle · 12/09/2019 23:53

Ive never said to a man “smile it may never happen “. Nor a woman come to that but it’s been said to me enough times, my retort now is ‘It has, my mum just died’ I love to see their faces

Skittlesandbeer · 12/09/2019 23:53

What are the best snappy responses to when this happens, by the way? Even when the quease isn’t upon one?

The ‘might never happen’ and ‘smile, cheer up’ comments. Something to make them stop and think, not something to make them back away in horror. It’s often old men with few social skills, I don’t need to obliterate them (not when nature’s doing it anyway).

NoSquirrels · 12/09/2019 23:59

Ah, bless you, OP. Flowers

I've never ever been so outrageously tired as when I was pregnant with DC2 and the first was a young toddler. Fucking hell, it was bad. And I burst into tears over NOTHING.

Plus I have one of those "cheer up love" faces.
urgh.

Hopefully his nice colleague who gave you tissues gave him a mouthful later.

Take care of yourself.

NotTerfNorCis · 13/09/2019 00:15

Yeah I remember years ago getting an upsetting letter and while I was reading it, two complete strangers (blokes) getting at me for not looking cheerful. What makes it their business?

Sunflower20 · 13/09/2019 01:47

People really need to fuck off with the 'smile' 'why so serious' 'cheerup' comments, none of their business. Men in particular are bad for this, fuck right off.

IsoscelesSandwich · 13/09/2019 02:00

What a dick. Sorry you’re feeling rubbish 💐