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Original poster

Man in post office made me cry... somehow!

104 replies

OneSliceIsNeverEnough · 12/09/2019 23:01

Sigh this is such a non issue but it made me cry I just need to write it down.

Feeling hot dizzy and sick in the post office queue, swaying back and forth to ease the quease and gently rocking the front facing pushchair.

Man at the counter taking a while to get served, chatting to the lady, then turns around to pull a funny face or something at DS, I didn't really look, I was focussing on not falling down. DS 15 month has a thing for ladies somehow so I'm not sure if he smiled at this man but as for me I was looking away probably looking quite sick. He's standing about 8 feet away and didn't address me.

He turned back to the lady at the counter and said something about "she" and I thought oh ok people thinking DS is a girl again - happens sometimes. But the lady said "no, I think she looks tired". Still not totally sure which of us they were talking about and then the lady at another counter called me over and as I went to move I heard him say to the lady serving him "a smile costs nothing does it?"

This made me stop and I opened my mouth to speak like some kind of puffa fish but I thought what am I going to say? I apologise for being 8 weeks pregnant and feeling sick? I decided I didn't want to have to use pregnancy to apologise for myself when I hadn't done anything wrong. He can think what he likes but is there a need to say that within earshot?

I went over to the other counter and held up my money and somehow just burst into huge sobs. Gosh it was awful I was so embarrassed. The lady had to give me a load of tissue and I couldn't even raise my head.

Ill or not, do I really have to engage with everyone? I didn't scowl or frown at him.

I scurried away and he tried to cut me off but I just said "you didn't need to be so rude about me" and turned away.

Not to drip feed I've previously spoken about my one but really I'm not going to give this bloke a list of my ailments in the middle of the post office. Maybe I need a baby on board badge like in London.

I hope I don't bump into him again. And the lady in the post office sees me all the time I hope she won't say anything ☹

Sorry for the ramble.

OP posts:
Ididit2019 · 13/09/2019 12:55

I agree with Witchend, he felt he was being friendly and it was reciprocated which he perceived as someone being off without knowing the issue. I think he probably felt awful too and went to see if op was okay.

Smotheroffive · 13/09/2019 12:59

If so Ididit I think thst would have been obvious, but he started being sarcastic about OP to garner support for his treatment of OP from the person at his counter!

He was all offended and sarcastic because she didnt engage with him, it was rude and offensive and really childish when you haven't even had an actual exchange with someone!

It was clear from the effect this had on both parties, she was upset, he was angry!

Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 13/09/2019 13:14

I wish I had been there, I would have told the man where to shove it and bought you a slice of cake. (If not too vomit inducing) god men are such arseholes sometimes.

YouokHun · 13/09/2019 13:17

Oh dear, you failed to smile prettily and affirm him did you OP? I don’t know why it’s so hard for some people to grasp that things may be going on for people that are not visible and they don’t have to react as demanded. While we are on the subject of the “smile love it may never happen” everyday sexism, I also really hate the concept of having a “bitchy resting face” which people titter over and I think is spectacularly unfunny as it’s about the same judgement as the OP received.

Lilyannarose · 13/09/2019 13:27

I'm like this every time I leave the house.
I know it's hormonal (not pregnancy ones though).
I often get told to "smile! It might never happen!". Sadly it already has happened.
People have no idea what others are going through, so if they can't say anything remotely helpful, they are best saying nothing at all.

AliceLutherNeeMorgan · 13/09/2019 13:28

Oh god, a man told me to “smile love” a few weeks ago outside the library.

I wasn’t upset or anything at the time - I just have grumpy-resting-face. I turned to him and said “but I’ve just killed my husband” and turned away. He didn’t pursue the matter any further.

Disclaimer: I have not killed my husband. I may do though, if I heard he had ever said anything like this to a random woman in the street.

AnneWeber · 13/09/2019 13:28

Even if he mistakenly thought op was ignoring his friendliness, it was really bitchy of him to loudly criticise her to others in her hearing.

LaLoba · 13/09/2019 13:33

What a git. It’s the kind of thing that’s an irritation usually, but on a bad day is just too much to deal with. I hope your day gets better, OP.

The easiest answer I’ve found is two words: Go away. No matter how calmly you say it, they will hear it as you yelling at them, and it shocks them into backing off. Very easily intimidated by women refusing to oblige them, the entitled types. And it’s fun hearing yourself say it.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 13/09/2019 13:38

Ooh I wish I'd been there OP. I'm now fantasising about giving him a right old schooling in manners and misogyny.

Ididit, nothing about what he did was about concern for the OP. Where on earth did you get that idea from?

angstinabaggyjumper · 13/09/2019 14:03

Poor man he was probably one of those lonely types that take it out on everyone else be being super chatty and friendly and you are supposed to find them super cute and wish they were your grand daddy. Can't effing stand them and I studiously ignore them.
A man once told me 'cheer up it might never happen' so I looked at him and he said 'oh I see it already has.'

pottedshrimps · 13/09/2019 14:18

"why don't you smile love?"

"well I would, only I've just had to look at your stupid ugly face"

pussincahoots · 13/09/2019 14:43

I’ve dealt with this shit for as long as I can remember, and it’s bad enough when you’re feeling fine. But when you’re not... I totally get your upset, OP. Flowers

When I was a waiter (eons ago) I had a regular who used to call me “Smiley”. Thought he was hilarious and would come out with all the usual comments listed in this thread when I ignored him. One day I asked him if he would prefer a fake smile or a genuine scowl. He thought for a second and asked for a fake smile. About says it all really. That was about 20 years ago and I wouldn’t be surprised if that guy was still single, still trying it on with young girls at the same bar and still striking out without a clue why.

We need to come up with some generic retorts, ladies. Something that’s honest, to the point, and shuts these knobends up. Come on, collective minds. Put your retorts forward so we can devise the perfect comeback for times like these.

???

BogglesGoggles · 13/09/2019 14:47

I think that was actually the best come back ever. If you’d something clever back he would have realised how mean he was!

BogglesGoggles · 13/09/2019 14:55

*wouldnt have

MarbleCake · 13/09/2019 15:05

That's dreadful!

I know the feeling - I got told by a teacher when at school to put a smile on my face... the day after my parents broke up and one left. I didn't have the guts to say anything at the time, I wish I had. I was in shock.

Good on you for saying something! I hope he takes that on board and isn't so rude to people in future.

AngelsSins · 13/09/2019 17:03

Broad City did it best:

Man in post office made me cry... somehow!
RabbityMcRabbit · 13/09/2019 19:14

@AngelsSins perfect!!Grin

Ididit2019 · 13/09/2019 21:20

marvellousnightforamooncup why did he come over to her at the end when she was emotional then?
And as to the phrases, "Smile love, cheer up" etc etc I wonder how many of them saying it are entitled/s exist/ misogynistic men or how many actually just have the intention of being friendly and trying to strike conversation without knowing the offence it causes which I have to say neither did I until today. I've had it said to me and whilst yes it's a little annoying and I give a small fake smile IF I've felt like it, I've then been on my merry way.

I'm ready to be flamed for this but people are so quick to react and become inflamed about things nowadays. I think the response to that man is a huge overreaction. And to the posters who say, men dont say it to other men, well they do in the form of phrases like, "Why the long face?"Anyhow I can see I'm in the minority so here we go with more of the flamed responses for going against the grain.

Original poster
OneSliceIsNeverEnough · 13/09/2019 22:08

Unfortunately, ididit, based on gut reactions of what happened, it made me cry in public. I didn't take time to analyse everything, it happened and I cried. Since my life isn't a scripted tv show, I didn't hang around to hear him try to make himself feel better with an excuse or apology. I just didn't need to waste any more embarrassment points on him.

If I saw someone looking unwell or very sad I wouldn't say "a smile costs nothing" to a third party. I'd say, discreetly, "excuse me are you ok - do you need a glass of water?"
The woman who served me pushed tissues into my hand without my having to ask and told me to have a sit down for five minutes (there wasn't a seat though so i did have to leave the post office) A small gesture, but quite a difference.

OP posts:
Unknownanon · 13/09/2019 22:21

Yanbu. Some prick told my friend and i 'cheer up loves' while we were having a quick cigarette outside the hospital. Her in her hospital gown, waiting (and delayed) for an erpc for her first pregnancy. She stuck her finger up, i couldn't do more than shake my head.

Original poster
OneSliceIsNeverEnough · 13/09/2019 22:24

Oh no unknown, good thing she had you with her xx

OP posts:
Unknownanon · 13/09/2019 22:31

Some people are just dicks @24OneSliceIsNeverEnough, others are just insensitive. We did both rant about him after and my friend shed a few tears.

Im sorry you were upset by the guy, he's one of the two definitely. Good on you for saying something though. I hope the awful feeling passes soon. So shit when you feel rough, even more so when you have other dc you need to look after and give attention.

Ididit2019 · 13/09/2019 22:36

OneSliceIsNeverEnough I am more prone to feeling vulnerable and upset when unwell never mind being pregnant with hormonal changes so I completely understand why you were upset. The fact he made comments to someone else about you and got the wrong end of the stick would be upsetting but the fact he said about a smile which has caused people to swear, rip the man to shreds and call him names from being a sexist misogynist is a huge overreaction imo.

Ididit2019 · 13/09/2019 22:38

The woman who served you responded to you bursting into tears, the man responded to an absence of a smile while he was being friendly to your baby unaware it was because you were ill. There's a difference.

Okurrrrrrrr · 13/09/2019 23:12

@AliceLutherNeeMorgan hahahahahahahah that's brutal I love it.

OP, he was a pig. Probably wanted you to feign over him making faces at your baby because isn't he so great with kids etc etc. I'm actually glad be saw you cry, as harsh as that sounds, maybe he'll think twice next time. Hate blokes like this.

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