To be scared of my DSD

[absopugginglutely]

My DSD (12) has been self harming and has ‘gone at’ her mum and dad with kitchen knives.
She’s currently with a child psychiatrist and cahms who are mid autism/ depression anxiety diagnosis and she’s been on anti depressant meds for a few weeks now.
Last night she snuck down stairs at 4 in the morning and took a sharp knife out of our (hidden and we thought secret) knife box (we’ve been hiding them since she said she was self harming 6 months ago)
She then took this knife into school and cut herself so badly in the toilets that a friend found her and reported it and she’s been in a&e ever since.
What really frightens me about all of this is that I have a 2 year old daughter and the very thought of my DSD creeping downstairs in the middle of the night to find a sharp knife is very freaky and unsettling.

She has never shown any unpleasant behaviour towards my DD so part of me thinks I needn’t worry but I also feel a strong instinct to protect my daughter from the smallest risk that she could harmed.
Ive thought of moving away but I love my DH dearly and I don’t want to be without him.
What’s really strange is how bright and breezy my DSD was this morning and last night to the point where it really stood out as unusual.

I can’t stop her from staying here but I’m in a constant state of anxiety about the impact of all this stuff on my own DD.

I don’t have any advice to offer, but I just wanted to say that it sounds like a very scary and unpleasant situation for all of you, and I hope that she gets the help she needs, and you get some support here and in real life.

Sounds like she is going through an awful time and needs help. But can you sleep in your 2 year old’s room in the meantime, without making it obvious to DSD? I’m sure your DH would understand, considering she has gone at him with a knife.

Of course it’s scary, for everyone concerned.

You say she’s been in a&e ever since but that she was fine last night and this morning?

What happened in the hospital? Was she referred to appropriate additional support?

Yes my younger daughter does sleep with me at night already but it’s unsettling anyway.
Thank you but there isn’t help for people in my situation in real life unless you have plenty of money.
Luckily my husband and DSDs mother have found a good psychiatrist for her but who knows where this is all leading.

Oh god, ignore me, read it totally wrong, sorry

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius yes she went to school today and after the incident has been in a&e who are holding her there (I think because she said she was suicidal)
I will know more details when DH gets home but he could be there all night.
I don’t want to love walking on egg shells too scared to have DD sleep in her own room for fear that DSD might do something awful.

What a terribly stressful time for you all.

I think you need to bring your concerns to your husband and the psychiatrist.

They are very real concerns.

Wishing you strength 💐

Yes, it is. We really thought we’d turned a corner with her and she’s seemed so much happier since taking anti-anxiety/depression meds.
I think the stress of being back at school must have really got to her.
I support my husband, her mother is supported by friends, her partner and her parents, her parents support her but there is no one supporting me and it’s so hard.

This sounds tough, OP :(

I know he’s bound to be having a difficult time himself, I can’t even imagine having to watch my child go through such an awful time, but have you shared your worries with your DH? Is your DD his child?

He might not be able to offer much in the way of support at the moment, but even just talking this through with him may help if you haven’t already.

Thanks, yes he is a very emotionally mature man and is lovely but I want to be strong for him at the moment and I feel out of depth with DSD.
I’ve just found that her pillow and sheets are really bloodied 😢

One idea is to have a locked box for the knives and you have the key where she can't it.
Otherwise I can only help the poor girl gets the help she clearly needs. I am sorry it must be very csary for you and your DH

sorry scary

You have all my sympathies, myu eldes t DS has gone thorugh very similar. A&E is the best place to be in such a crisis, because of her age they will make sure she has treatment for her injuries and get a assment. Normally with emergency assemnts they will talk to parents so make sure DH conveys your feelings. For someone to SH like that they will be in a desperate place, so please make sure you listen and evreyones there tell her that even if she dosnet want to talk about it. If you ever fell not safe if she has a knife contact emergency services, i know that sounds extreme. But when DS did simlar they could contro it and made us all feel safe while also making sure he got all tretament he needed in the most appropriate place. Its a horrible place to be in for all involved. If you want to PM me for specific advoce please do, been in thsi postion alot and can guide through if you need

What a horrible situation.

I’ve got no advice really except to say that what you observed about her being exceptionally bright and breezy directly beforehand is a recognised thing. This is something you could watch out for in future.

I think I’d be considering asking for her to be with her mother full time for the sake of your 2yo in your position. Din’t Know how practical that is though.

Also whn she gets home make sure your looking fro signs of infection, DS would never tell us himself as it was a sort of thurther Self harm if you know what i mean.

My DSD was similar at that age. A brief stint in a secure unit shocked her out of it, and after that medication helped.
I also felt very alone. It's tough when you are the only one without support.
I don't really have constructive advice. You feel powerless because you are. You can't fix someone else's mental health, and you can't help how the threat of DSD's behaviour makes you feel.

Goodness OP, what a dreadful situation. I’m so sorry that you’re all going through this. I completely understand your fears for your DD and I’m sure I would feel the same way. Is there anywhere you could go temporarily? Perhaps during your DSDs stays? She might benefit from one on one time with your husband and you would get a break from the situation and know that your DD was safe away from it all.

@Broken11Girl she’s already tried to attack her mother and father with knives. You need to read all of the info given before commenting.

broken Don't talk such rubbish. She has every right to be concerned. She knows it's only a small risk but none the less, it is a risk

Obviously the most important thing is to be guided by professionals rather than strangers on the Internet but I can share some of my experience as the parent of a DC with ASD who self harmed that might give you something to discuss with her psychiatrist.

In their case, getting support with the ASD was much more important than depression/anxiety because that was the cause of the depression and anxiety. I'm trying very hard to say this an a way that is not offensive to anyone but, for example, depression cause by grief is not considered as clinical depression, even if it is treated the same way. Medication might treat the symptoms but if she is feeling isolated or not coping because of the ASD, medication is not necessarily going to help with the root cause of why she feels that way, just dull it. My DC needed support with coping mechanisms that medication was not going to solve.

In my DC's case, things were exacerbated by friends in real life also self harming and joining online self harming groups (you might want to check her phone/tablet/computer). It made them feel like they belonged to a community rather than being a outsider and different (which is what they felt, that is not to say that everyone with ASD feels that way).

OP I really feel for you and your dsd, I was very much like your dsd at her age though I didn't threaten anyone.
I'm not going to sit here and say that there is the help that there was when I that age (30 something years ago) but I can say that with the right care she can come out of this and be ok but it will take years of therapy not just pills. Also many antidepressants take 6 weeks for you to feel the full effect and it can be trial and error until you find the right one for her.
There will be setbacks and hard times but you will get through it, and if the drs want to admit her just remember that it's the best thing for her right now even if she doesn't see it yet.
You sound like you are doing everything right it just takes time

@Broken11Girl give her head a wobble ? Stigma ?
She's obviously a loving person who wants to support her SD and her husband . And feels responsibility for her two year old . You say most mentally ill people don't harm other people - that might be true - but some do - wouldn't you need a little advice and support in such a situation ?

Yes thanks, I might have to.
She’s hearing voices and I’m worried they’re telling her to do bad things.
@Broken11Girl a family friend broke into a house and murdered two innocent people as they are their breakfast in the 90s. He ended up in Broadmoor where he killed himself so I do have reason to be at least triggered by this and I am educated about all things mental health as well.