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Original poster

Bullied at sch by DB GF and she is still the same. Do I tell ?

352 replies

Highfivemum · 12/09/2019 14:04

Here goes.
My brother who is in his late 30’s and a great man has recently introduced me to his girlfriend,he has confided in me he intends on proposing to her on her birthday in October. My brother and I are very close due to family circumastances. He is a widow having lost his first wife 3 years ago. This is his first girlfriend since and they have been dating for 4 months. They met abroad as they were both working, hence this was the first time I met her. I thought she looked a tad familiar when I said hello and i racked my brains as to why I thought she looked vaguely familiar. She seemed fine. Polite and I was happy that my DB seemed happy after years of sadness. While saying good bye I suddenly got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was a girl who bullied me for 18 months at school. She literally made my life hell. I moved schools and had not seen her since she was about 15. Our school had a huge catchment area and she lived on the other side of where we did so never saw her again. The awful feelings I got resurfaced. I mentioned it to my DH and we both agreed as she seem really nice and pleasant not to rock the boat as it was a long time ago. Last night we met up again. During our conversation my brother mentioned schools. He is 8 years younger than me so didn’t go to the school she did and had no Idea about us. She has told him she went to a totally different school. He then said we were the same age so would have been in the same school year. I just said yes and left it there. I went to the toilet and as I was leaving she was stood there she said to me. She knew I knew who she was from the past and I would i not to say anything as she loved him. I was about to say it’s in the past and let’s leave it there. But she then said if you do say something you will regret it !!!! I will move home away and cut you out of his life. !! I was mortified. I felt shaky all like I did as a kid again. Don’t know how I kept my composure to go back to my DH. She came out all smiles cuddling my brother.
Do I tell him. I love my DB so much and I can’t bear him to be hurt but I worry she will pull him away and I will lose him.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/09/2019 16:29

Ah you poor thing op
So much drama and upset to digest in such a short time

Original poster
Highfivemum · 12/09/2019 16:29

My DH has cancelled his business trip and heading home. My DB unbeknown to me, text him and said how effected I was and he maybe should come back.i wouldn’t have said anything and put on a brave front and he knows that. I am sure i will hear some news from my DB later and I am hoping it’s good and she is out of his life. 🤞🤞

OP posts:
TreeSunset · 12/09/2019 16:30

Huge well done and well done for telling him. Sounds as though she would have twisted things whatever you said

AmateurSwami · 12/09/2019 16:32

Sorry op, I know it sounds like a movie plot but I didn’t mean that you weren’t genuine! I’m glad you told your brother. She sounds foul.

flumpybear · 12/09/2019 16:35

Well done OP - you did the right thing and it sounds like your brother is also going to do the right thing too - he's well shot of her too if he does send her packing - she's shown her true colours ... at 4 Months he'll get over her and find another person who is nicer (which doesn't sound difficult!)

Rachelle11 · 12/09/2019 16:35

That is awful and you did the right thing. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through,

aynsleyred · 12/09/2019 16:39

Good for you op. That can’t have been easy.

It sounds like she hasn’t changed her ways at all, if she’d been sincere and apologetic then maybe you could have learned to accept it. But the way she spoke to you was so uncalled for - who does that?!? Your brother deserved to know. Four months is nothing, not long enough for her true colours to show.

hightymike · 12/09/2019 16:40

You have done the best thing as imagine if you'd stayed quiet only for him to realise her true nature when he was in too deep and she could have been pregnant by then. You poor thing - what an awful thing to have to go through. Sending hugs.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/09/2019 16:40

You and your DB clearly have a really beautiful relationship. I'm so glad you told him - and the fact that he believed you will have saved him so much heartbreak, because marrying that vile woman would have been a terrible mistake.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/09/2019 16:42

That's really sweet that he told your DH.

Your DB obviously loves you very much too.

ANiceLuxury · 12/09/2019 16:43

I hope she doesn’t turn this on you

billy1966 · 12/09/2019 16:44

Poor OP.

That was so hard.

Information is power.

You have put this power in his hands.

Whatever he decides, he has been told that she has the capacity to threaten someone.

That is huge as far as I am concerned.

Mind yourself 💐

MyNameIsIrrelevant · 12/09/2019 16:49

You sound like you've got a couple of amazing men in your life in your dh and db!
Well done for telling him.
I hope the girl doesn't do something in retaliation now she knows where you live, that would be my main worry tbh. (I do overthink these things though!)

Drum2018 · 12/09/2019 16:49

Your brother sounds fab, as does your Dh for coming home. Triggers like this can have a huge affect on you even years later. Being faced with that bitch must have been bad enough but her threats are unacceptable. I hope your db does end things but if not I really wouldn't be in the same room as her again, despite the fact it will cause tension with your db. You don't have to put up with her vile behaviour ever again

MerryBerryCheesecake · 12/09/2019 16:50

Oh, how horrible for you and your brother.

He sounds so lovely. It must have been so very hard to have to tell him this.

You had to do it. He had to know.

I had my own horrendous school bully and know that weak at the knee feeling all too well so I know how brave you were to stand up against her threats.

Take care of yourself and try to remember that she brought this on herself by not leaving the past in the past. She had the opportunity and went straight back to bullying, what a nasty piece of work.

makingmammaries · 12/09/2019 16:50

You did the right thing, OP. I hope your DB gets her out of his life and finds someone decent. What a horrible thing to happen to you.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 12/09/2019 16:52

Well done.

To be honest, breaking down like that was probably a good thing - no hiding how much it has affected you.

How lovely that he's called your DH home. It might be an idea if your DH can check on your DB at some point too - he's going to need a pal.

Take care of yourself. x

Orchidflower1 · 12/09/2019 16:54

You did the right thing op although it can’t have been easy. Your dB obviously thinks the world of you which is lovely. 🍫☕️

ajandjjmum · 12/09/2019 16:55

So happy you've got two good men around you.

For your DB to contact your DH is just such a caring and loving thing to do, especially when he must be hurting so much.

Your DB will thank you for this. Flowers

ChangeOfTides · 12/09/2019 16:55

Telling him is the right thing, but I wouldn’t rely on them splitting up. Her version may sound convincing to him. Good luck.

TheMerryWidow1 · 12/09/2019 16:56

well done op!! You have shown her she can't bully you anymore, you should be so proud of yourself.

ButterflyOne1 · 12/09/2019 16:57

OP you are a very good women. It must have been so difficult to tell your DB but you did do the right thing.

Sadly I understand how desperate you want to be loved after losing a spouse so this women has clearly prayed on that. He is vulnerable and you have protected him by telling him the truth.

I hope you're ok. Please take care of yourself. Your DB will be upset for a bit but he will bounce back. Four months is not long and it shows what a whirlwind of pressure she must have been putting on him (of course in a sweet and innocent way the b*tch)!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/09/2019 16:57

I've faced certain school bullies in adulthood. I'm all for looking past things that happened as kids, and for accepting that people can grow up, mature, and take a lesson from their actions with a view to never repeating them.

It can happen. I was quite cordial with a former bully of mine - although I'll never be her best friend - as life's too short to hold grudges once you have all moved on.

But some people never learn. Some of the horrendous bullying in the workplace is one example of that. Playground bullying between parents is another. Where are inadequates like this ever going to have the same amount of power to make others miserable again, unless they have somehow perpetuated it?

Your DB's GF doesn't sound as if she's learned one single thing. She hasn't grown, matured or changed, and her behaviour still has all the hallmarks of an abuser.

I'm sorry OP - it's a horrible situation and must have been so upsetting for you. But she certainly doesn't deserve your lovely-sounding brother, and I hope you've spared him the inevitable heartache that people like this have a gift for spreading around. I really wish I had a sister who had my back like that Flowers

Pikapikachooo · 12/09/2019 16:58

Firstly get ready to temporarily (hope not permanently Sad) lose him

I think you have to face up that it’s a very viable risk Sadly

Then tell him and walk away

What a horrible thing OP . Bitch

MrsMozartMkII · 12/09/2019 17:03

Well done lass. Not at all easy or pleasant in any way.

So glad both your DB and your DH are onside.