Bullied at sch by DB GF and she is still the same. Do I tell ?

[Highfivemum]

Here goes.
My brother who is in his late 30’s and a great man has recently introduced me to his girlfriend,he has confided in me he intends on proposing to her on her birthday in October. My brother and I are very close due to family circumastances. He is a widow having lost his first wife 3 years ago. This is his first girlfriend since and they have been dating for 4 months. They met abroad as they were both working, hence this was the first time I met her. I thought she looked a tad familiar when I said hello and i racked my brains as to why I thought she looked vaguely familiar. She seemed fine. Polite and I was happy that my DB seemed happy after years of sadness. While saying good bye I suddenly got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was a girl who bullied me for 18 months at school. She literally made my life hell. I moved schools and had not seen her since she was about 15. Our school had a huge catchment area and she lived on the other side of where we did so never saw her again. The awful feelings I got resurfaced. I mentioned it to my DH and we both agreed as she seem really nice and pleasant not to rock the boat as it was a long time ago. Last night we met up again. During our conversation my brother mentioned schools. He is 8 years younger than me so didn’t go to the school she did and had no Idea about us. She has told him she went to a totally different school. He then said we were the same age so would have been in the same school year. I just said yes and left it there. I went to the toilet and as I was leaving she was stood there she said to me. She knew I knew who she was from the past and I would i not to say anything as she loved him. I was about to say it’s in the past and let’s leave it there. But she then said if you do say something you will regret it !!!! I will move home away and cut you out of his life. !! I was mortified. I felt shaky all like I did as a kid again. Don’t know how I kept my composure to go back to my DH. She came out all smiles cuddling my brother.
Do I tell him. I love my DB so much and I can’t bear him to be hurt but I worry she will pull him away and I will lose him.

[Highfivemum]

For everyone saying he rushed into it that couldn’t be further from the truth. My DB Has been a widower for just over 3 years. His most beautiful wife ( since 17 ) sadly passed away before they had children so there was no children involved. She was his first date since his wife as he was devoted to my DSIL. He was not even looking they just met at a works conference and clicked. Yes getting engaged after 5 months together would have been quick but everyone is different and I just want to see him happy and settled again.
I will bow out now. I am confident my DB will not see her again. He was always a stubborn as a little boy 😂. I don’t think I want to give this woman anymore of my time. Got my first scan on Tuesday And so will focus on that. If this whole mess has taught me anything it is that I am lucky. She will end up a sad bitter old lady and I will 🤞🤞havé 6 children and a great hubby and DB. So I like to think I came out on top. 💐💐

[poopofprettycolours]

Just want to wish you and family well, including baby on the way, and hope your brother meets someone lovely in the ftre.

[ajandjjmum]

I wish you well, and hope your DB meets someone worthy of his kindness and loyalty.

Infact......I think you could start with a list of MNers!

[onemorecakeplease]

Proud of your DB and you. Well done OP

[IwantedtobeEmmaPeel]

Sending you and your DB good wishes. I hope he meets someone kind and compassionate. Good luck for Tuesday Op.

[TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre]

For everyone saying he rushed into it that couldn’t be further from the truth

It is the truth! Nobody is saying he rushed into dating again. But he most certainly was going to rush ahead with proposing. This was the first woman he was with since his wife passed away, and after only 4 months together, before she'd even met his family and friends he was planning to propose to her. A woman he didn't really know. They'd obviously not even had a disagreement yet. He hadn't time to see how she'd handle a difficult situation. It didn't take long for her true colours to come out when things didn't go her way.

He definitely did rush into it and hopefully it'll be a (tough) lesson learnt. There's no rush with relationships. And there's definitely no rush into proposing to someone you've known a matter of weeks.

[froggybiby]

All the best. You have a great brother. 🌷🌹🌷

[SuzieSunshine]

Yes, I just have to add that I'm also struck by the wonderful closeness you all have as a family. The support you are all extending to each other is so lovely and heartwarming to read. I wish you all the very best for the future.

[TreeSunset]

Good luck for the scan and I hope you get a lovely new SIL someone in the future as your DB does sound really lovely.

[MrMeSeeks]

So happy you have such a lovely brother
He will def find someone who deserves him.

[ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser]

In fairness to the op’s DB, the bully was clearly a master manipulator and became exactly what she thought he wanted, love bombing and future faking, consistent with a narcissist!

I am not surprised that OP is heartbroken for her DB, after watching him be devastated and mourning the loss of his wife and soulmate, it’s only natural that she wanted her dB to find love again. Grief is a terrifyingly lonely place, to have loved the kind of love he had for his DW , he likely realises that he is not likely to find another love as true as he had with his wife. He wanted comfort, company and affection and dare I say it, a family.

I can understand why he moved quickly. Unfortunately, he has been burned by the flames of a narcissist. He is likely to be even more wary in the future. I pray he finds someone he can truly be happy with, whoever she is, she has amazing shoes to fill. I wonder if your DB could join a support group for young widows and widowers? Any woman who comes into his life is going to face the fact that his soulmate will always be first in his heart. A widow in a similar situation may understand better and they may be able to be a comfort to each other.

[ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser]

Wishing you well at your scan on Tuesday OP and praying you have a healthy and happy nine months!

[HouseworkAvoider10]

Glad it all panned out ok.
How appalling this has been for you.

[ShellbyBell]

[EnglishRose13]

I bet this isn't the end of it.

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

[DM1209]

What an absolute manipulative bitch. As I was reading I was thinking she will have grown up and will probably regret her actions. But no! She sounds unhinged and like she will bring nothing but misery to your family!

2 options:

1. Talk to your brother, full disclosure and let him make his own decision. I would add to that any conversations about any adults that were aware at the time, parents and or teachers.

1. Do the above but before you talk to him see if you are able to have a conversation with her. I would call her and ask why she said what she said to you, before the conversation started I'd have a second handset with the mic already recording and have her on loudspeaker. She may not bite at all but if you and your brother are close then he should know you would do such a thing without just cause.

Beyond that you're a better person than me because I would have been as sweet as anything and then called her out on what she said in front of everyone at the table.

Bullies are scum, she is scum.

[RubHimSweetly]

@DM1209
I think you need to RTFT

[SmileyGiraffe]

RTFT?

FOTTOSOF more like. Is it really that difficult to think that something might have happened on the 48 hrs and 300 odd posts and find out before offering twee little advice that has been offered dozens of times previously in the arrogant assumption that you're the only person to think of it?

[2girlsandagap]

What a wonderful brother you have OP. I wish you both all the love in the world. I’m glad the bully got her just deserts and that her karma finally caught up with her!!

[frugalkitty]

Just caught up with this and wanted to say how pleased I am you had a happy ending OP Hopefully one day soon your brother will meet a lovely lady, he sounds like quite a catch!

[EnglishRose13]

Any update?

[Highfivemum]

Hi all
i Just wanted to update for all you that may be interested in how things panned out.
Firstly thank you all for the support you showed me over what was one of the worse periods of my life.
Most of you were right. She didn’t just go away. She spent a lot of time turning up at my DB house and trying to worm her way back into his life. She also would turn up at school and try and speak to me. She then turned nasty when he point blank refused. Little things like continuous calling on his home during the night, knocking his bins over outside. Shouting names as he walked his neighbours dog , little things but it got to the point where my DB thretened to go to the police. She stopped thank goodness and all has been quiet for 2 months . My DB couldn’t believe she was the same person that he had fallen for and it has taken him a while to come to terms with it. I believe he was and is still grieving and was vulnerable. I did show him this post and he was touched by all the kind comments.
Thanks again everyone.

[AlwaysCheddar]

Glad it worked out in the end, and thanks for the update.

[Whynosnowyet]

Lucky he had you op....
You did a good thing even if it hurt to do it.
As a dsis keeping out of it wasn't the right thing to do.
My ds is still having trouble with the gf he dumped post engagement! Saw her too for who she really was. It is hard to be on the sidelines when you can see a different picture...