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Original poster

Bullied at sch by DB GF and she is still the same. Do I tell ?

352 replies

Highfivemum · 12/09/2019 14:04

Here goes.
My brother who is in his late 30’s and a great man has recently introduced me to his girlfriend,he has confided in me he intends on proposing to her on her birthday in October. My brother and I are very close due to family circumastances. He is a widow having lost his first wife 3 years ago. This is his first girlfriend since and they have been dating for 4 months. They met abroad as they were both working, hence this was the first time I met her. I thought she looked a tad familiar when I said hello and i racked my brains as to why I thought she looked vaguely familiar. She seemed fine. Polite and I was happy that my DB seemed happy after years of sadness. While saying good bye I suddenly got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was a girl who bullied me for 18 months at school. She literally made my life hell. I moved schools and had not seen her since she was about 15. Our school had a huge catchment area and she lived on the other side of where we did so never saw her again. The awful feelings I got resurfaced. I mentioned it to my DH and we both agreed as she seem really nice and pleasant not to rock the boat as it was a long time ago. Last night we met up again. During our conversation my brother mentioned schools. He is 8 years younger than me so didn’t go to the school she did and had no Idea about us. She has told him she went to a totally different school. He then said we were the same age so would have been in the same school year. I just said yes and left it there. I went to the toilet and as I was leaving she was stood there she said to me. She knew I knew who she was from the past and I would i not to say anything as she loved him. I was about to say it’s in the past and let’s leave it there. But she then said if you do say something you will regret it !!!! I will move home away and cut you out of his life. !! I was mortified. I felt shaky all like I did as a kid again. Don’t know how I kept my composure to go back to my DH. She came out all smiles cuddling my brother.
Do I tell him. I love my DB so much and I can’t bear him to be hurt but I worry she will pull him away and I will lose him.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 12/09/2019 14:33

I will bursting that bubble

You're not bursting that bubble, she is, her actions have fucked it up. She just threatened you fgs, as an adult. Ok maybe you could have all moved on if she'd said look I'm sorry about back then I was a kid yada yad but she literally threatened you last night. Honestly 4 months is way too soon for your DB to be proposing anyway but he clearly doesn't know that woman at all. You have to tell him

BananaPlant · 12/09/2019 14:34

This is awful!

Original poster
Highfivemum · 12/09/2019 14:34

No school friend from that school Unfortunately. I blocked all memories of that place out.
I have left a message on his phone to say can he pop over as I need a hand lifting some boxes. ( I am just pregnant ) he isn’t at work today as he is on flexi time. So fingers crossed he does. I will be honest. I didn’t tell my DH last night as I was shocked and I was worried he would have just said something and I needed to think. Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/09/2019 14:35

It sounds like she may be love bombing him if he is besotted with her.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/09/2019 14:36

Would an unfortunate coincidence though :/

AryaStarkWolf · 12/09/2019 14:37

What*

Actionhasmagic · 12/09/2019 14:37

Tell him

Daylily34 · 12/09/2019 14:37

Tell him everything calmly and just the two of you , about the bullying and then what she has said to you . You are doing this to protect him , whether he believes it or not , whether it changes his decision or not- you really must .

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/09/2019 14:38

Tell him.I know my brother would believe me over a girlfriend and I'm sure he will too.

shearwater · 12/09/2019 14:39

Tell her in person that you will give your version of events to your brother if she doesn't tell him, by the end of the week. Record the conversation.

If she doesn't tell your brother, tell him yourself. If he doesn't believe what she is like, play the recording.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/09/2019 14:39

Has he got a lot of money? Do you think shes with him for the wrong reasons?

Borderterrierpuppy · 12/09/2019 14:39

Good luck op, he might not take it well initially but it is definitely the right thing to do.

AlunWynsKnee · 12/09/2019 14:39

She's lied about her school. She can't deny that. Everything else she can deny. But that's a lie she's told him. Why would she lie about that?

Travis1 · 12/09/2019 14:39

oh god, she sounds awful.

HollowTalk · 12/09/2019 14:40

She's such an idiot. She could have just apologised for being such a bitch when she was young and told you why she did it.

amusedbush · 12/09/2019 14:41

I know that feeling in the pit of your stomach well - my secondary school bully has recently resurfaced after 15 years as she is dating my brother's fiancee's brother (sorry, lots of links to that chain!). I didn't go to my brother's engagement party because even now, at almost 30 years old, I couldn't bear to face her. She terrorised me for three years.

I agree with everyone else that you should tell him. I hope he is able to pop round today.

JudgeRindersMinder · 12/09/2019 14:42

You can’t not tell him!

In an ideal world it would have been great if right after she had said it, you could have said to her, in front of your brother “what was that you said about making sure I’d not see my brother again if I mentioned to him how utterly vile you were towards me at school?”
Unfortunately we don’t live in that world

tommycockles · 12/09/2019 14:43

Does your brother know you were bullied at school at all? Even if he doesn't remember the full facts?
Is there anyone who could back you up?

You have my sympathy. The situation sounds awful. What a shame she didn't grow up and grow out of her behaviour.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 12/09/2019 14:44

Thank you.
He has just text. Told me not to lift anything and he can pop over on his way back from sainsburys as he is picking up GF and taking her there!! Think he is trying to get us friends etc and included. I lied by saying I needed him now so could he come on way to get GF ,as I need the box as it had maternity papers in it. ( don’t know where that came from!). He just sent me a 👍 so now going to sit and wait. 🤞🤞 feeling a tad sick. X

OP posts:
diddl · 12/09/2019 14:44

She would try to isolate him anyway for fear of something being said, wouldn't she?

She's certainly convinced of his feelings for her though!

Drum2018 · 12/09/2019 14:45

4 months is a very short relationship so he will not have the measure of her yet. No doubt she will have excuses for her behaviour years ago and will deny threatening you in the toilets. However, your brother knows you and he should realise that you are looking out for him. You have no reason to sabotage his relationships but you are aware that this bitch is not a good person and he deserves better. Assure him that it's not all because of the school bullying, but that it's because she hasn't changed. I truly hope he listens to you and then dumps her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/09/2019 14:46

Thinking of you. Good luck. 🤞

BananaPlant · 12/09/2019 14:46

Good luck OP.

MrsMozartMkII · 12/09/2019 14:46

A handhold lass to get through this.

He really does need to know what he's getting himself into, and what effect this will have on his family, i.e. you.

Drum2018 · 12/09/2019 14:47

Even if she does turn up with him, I'd still tell him. See her try to squirm her way out of it.