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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bullied at sch by DB GF and she is still the same. Do I tell ?

352 replies

Highfivemum · 12/09/2019 14:04

Here goes.
My brother who is in his late 30’s and a great man has recently introduced me to his girlfriend,he has confided in me he intends on proposing to her on her birthday in October. My brother and I are very close due to family circumastances. He is a widow having lost his first wife 3 years ago. This is his first girlfriend since and they have been dating for 4 months. They met abroad as they were both working, hence this was the first time I met her. I thought she looked a tad familiar when I said hello and i racked my brains as to why I thought she looked vaguely familiar. She seemed fine. Polite and I was happy that my DB seemed happy after years of sadness. While saying good bye I suddenly got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was a girl who bullied me for 18 months at school. She literally made my life hell. I moved schools and had not seen her since she was about 15. Our school had a huge catchment area and she lived on the other side of where we did so never saw her again. The awful feelings I got resurfaced. I mentioned it to my DH and we both agreed as she seem really nice and pleasant not to rock the boat as it was a long time ago. Last night we met up again. During our conversation my brother mentioned schools. He is 8 years younger than me so didn’t go to the school she did and had no Idea about us. She has told him she went to a totally different school. He then said we were the same age so would have been in the same school year. I just said yes and left it there. I went to the toilet and as I was leaving she was stood there she said to me. She knew I knew who she was from the past and I would i not to say anything as she loved him. I was about to say it’s in the past and let’s leave it there. But she then said if you do say something you will regret it !!!! I will move home away and cut you out of his life. !! I was mortified. I felt shaky all like I did as a kid again. Don’t know how I kept my composure to go back to my DH. She came out all smiles cuddling my brother.
Do I tell him. I love my DB so much and I can’t bear him to be hurt but I worry she will pull him away and I will lose him.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 12/09/2019 21:14

Ha that's a nice dose of Karma for her 😁

MulticolourMophead · 12/09/2019 21:26

OP, I do think you need to be prepared for some possible backlash from the gf. Given the stupidity she's already displayed, she'll be blaming you for the fact that your DB has now ended the relationship.

Your DB sounds ace, willing to listen to what you told him. Just make sure he knows that she's still lying, about the length of time bullying, etc.

DaveDave · 12/09/2019 21:31

Your brother sounds amazing! He deserves someone just as amazing, and that person certainly was not her.

Travis1 · 12/09/2019 21:47

Your brother sounds wonderful. So glad he’s come through for you

AhNowTed · 12/09/2019 21:48

Bloody hell.

I was all for letting it go UNTIL she threatened you.

Bitch hasn't learned a thing.

Nasty piece of work. Crazy too, I mean who DOES that!

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 12/09/2019 21:49

Your brother is amazing what a lovely family

ReggaetonLente · 12/09/2019 21:53

Tell him, imagine her being the mother of his kids

ReggaetonLente · 12/09/2019 21:54

Oh sorry, it appears i cancelled the cheque Blush

xsquared · 12/09/2019 22:14

Well done OP for standing up to this bullying bitch and well done to your brother for seeing through her crocodile tears.

There's no way that she loves him if she threatens a member of his family like that! I hope you DB will find happiness.

DPotter · 12/09/2019 22:32

You have good men in your life. All strength to you and them

MumW · 12/09/2019 22:50

Nasty piece of work. Crazy too, I mean who DOES that!
Oh, you'd be surprised, unfortunately.

Leopards and spots and all that.

What a shame the OP's DB was collateral but I'm so glad he's got her back.

QOD · 12/09/2019 22:59

I hope he’s come thru for you, what bad luck

ThePallidBustOfPallas · 12/09/2019 23:03

Goodness me. She texted you? Why on earth you give her your number?

Saddler · 12/09/2019 23:26

Fair play op and also to
Your brother it's not an easy situation

AnnonniMoose · 12/09/2019 23:36

I'm glad you had this outcome OP - your DB and DH sound like good guys.

Aria999 · 13/09/2019 00:19

Big hugs OP. How awful. Hope DB stays strong! 💐

Densol999 · 13/09/2019 00:40

So glad of this ending and hoping it is totally the end as well for your family xx

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 13/09/2019 02:05

Your brother has had a very lucky escape!

Original poster
Highfivemum · 13/09/2019 06:38

Update
For those who asked we exchanged numbers on her first visit I hadn’t clicked then who she was.
Was a difficult evening as she didn’t stop calling so I did as suggested and blocked her. Apparently she turned up on my DB doorstop, tearful and full of excuses and a few lies. He didn’t want to invite her inside but she was making a bit of a scene .They apoke and thankfully he was still adamant it was over. She even pulled the “ ur DS doesn’t like me as she wants u too herself !!! “ she eventually left as my DB started work very early this morning but I doubt she has got the message as she said I will give you a bit of space and then we can go out for dinner and possibly start again. !!!
I didn’t sleep last night, she wouldn’t come here if she knew my DH was here but I kept thinking she thinks he is away in buisness for two days. !!!
My DB is coming round after work today. I know he is putting on a brave face but I know he is gutted. He genuinely really does care for her. Or the person he thought she was . The type of person she is. She will not just go away easily. She is used to getting her own way.

OP posts:
sheshootssheimplores · 13/09/2019 06:43

I would tell him in a fucking heart beat but then there’s no way I’d let me school bully intimidate me as an adult. I’d have had her up against a wall before she had the time to finish her sentence.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 13/09/2019 06:53

sheshootssheimplores
If you would have asked me what you would do if your old school bully had threaten you as an adult I would have said just the same as you. But I literally froze, can’t desribe the feeling, memories came flooding back. I was 14 again at school. I wish I had the guts to have confronted her but I didn’t. The mere thought of how awful she made me feel for 18 months sends me into a sweat. She didint need to shout at me or use violence like she did as a child. Just her stood there and her words made me feel sick again

OP posts:
AmIThough · 13/09/2019 07:14

I know he's been through a lot OP but it sounds like everything he's been through has made him a stronger man. He'll be ok and he'll find somebody perfect for him.

It's lovely that you have such a strong bond and he will prioritise you over her. You did the right thing for everybody.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 13/09/2019 07:50

@Highfivemum you have nothing to feel ashamed of- the way you reacted was total natural instinct triggered by memory! I think your db must have realised that night that you were upset!

I hope he is seeing how manipulative a liar she is! He needs to call the police if she turns up making a scene refusing to leave! She is incredibly dangerous, she could make up that he has assaulted her and threaten to report him in desperation. He should not put himself in the situation where he is alone with her again!

billy1966 · 13/09/2019 08:07

OP, I can so imagine freezing with sheer shock.
You have behaved magnificently.
You have done your best for your brother.
I don't doubt he knows that, but of course he too is in shock, pain and disappointment.

Hopefully by her being a bit crazed and persistent he will see a very different side to her.

He has dodged such a bullet.

Thanks be to fxxx he hadn't proposed before ye met.

They hadn't been together long but eventually that mask of hers would slip.

Stay strong, you have stood up to her.
Don't take any nonsense from her.

Wishing you strength 💐👏

Daffodil2018 · 13/09/2019 08:08

Your DB sounds like an absolute legend @Highfivemum. I am so glad this was the outcome. Karma is a bitch! I hope you never have to see her again.