Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend's child

141 replies

MrPickles73 · 12/09/2019 08:06

We are friendly with another family who has a child 18 months older than our eldest. We had dinner together on Sunday and all had a good time.
Monday we met up for something else and at the end my eldest burst into tears which is uncharecteristic of her (she is 9). The other girl is 18 months older. I asked what was up and in front of the other mother my child said the other child was being really unkind. I was shocked and didn't know what to say.the other mother made her kid hug my kid and then we went home. On the way home my child gave me her version of events. The other kid had bragged about something she had made up and my child pointed out this were untrue. The other child took umbridge and then was unkind to her, saying she was stupid, didn't want to be her friend etc.
Last night I spoke to the other mother as I value her friendship. I told her what my child had said and why she was upset. She didn't seem to see that her child was in the wrong (losing her rag with my child because she'd been called out for making something up) and just said they needed their heads knocking together and perhaps my child had been feeling unwell and that was why she was do sensitive..
AIBU to be pissed off? Or did I do the wrong thing to talk to her about it?. If it were the other way I would want to know if my child was being unkind.
Later on the child's step father came over to apologise. The child has form for being unkind to other children...

OP posts:
Rachelle11 · 12/09/2019 17:21

You seem to be the only drama queen. And your dislike for only children is pretty nasty.

GPatz · 12/09/2019 17:26

'Step father is embarrassed by her behaviour'

Or him and his wife have decided to pander to you for a quiet life.

Graphista · 12/09/2019 18:24

Wtf is with the digs at only children?!

Your dd and you completely over reacted!

I'm stunned you've been a parent for at least 9 years and not yet realised that kids squabble/bicker/fallout constantly?!

That unless there is ACTUALLY something serious happened like injury or something very nasty said (which it REALLY hasn't been here) then parents/adults are best staying largely out of it but teaching the kids to be more resilient, assertive and to learn to resolve conflict themselves without "running crying to mummy" at the slightest thing!

Honestly if you don't get a grip on teaching your dd these things ASAP she's gonna have a hell of a time at high school in a few years!

sailingclosetothewind · 13/09/2019 08:18

OP next time your dd finds herself in an argument at someone else's house, have the good grace to stand up and thank your friend for the afternoon and say it is time to go. Then discuss with your dd what happened, and how she felt in the car on the way home.
I actually feel for your friend, kids argue all the time, it is what they do. As an adult we are supposed to show them how to rise about the petty squabbles and how to be the bigger person.

Giving your dd ideas on how to deal with difficulties will be far better than simply pulling rank. Your dd has a long life ahead of her, if you want to help her equip with the tools she needs to deal with conflict.

m0therofdragons · 13/09/2019 08:40

Wow my dtds are meaner than this to each other before breakfast. It's such a non thing yet you're shocked the other dc was a bit mean when called out on an exaggeration? Next time you meet it should be completely forgotten.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 13/09/2019 17:32

It’s really not worth falling out over!
The other child was probably embarrassed at being called out in a fib.
Sounds all very blown out of proportion to me.

ddl1 · 13/09/2019 17:50

I wouldn't make an issue of it. They have hugged each other, and probably will have forgotten it all by tomorrow if the adults don't keep it in their minds. Children of this age do have this sort of argument, and it usually isn't malicious. 'Stupid' is a fairly standard insult at this age and usually means nothing more than 'I don't like what you've just said or done'.

NKFell · 13/09/2019 17:50

Complete mountain out of molehill. Children can all be mean, feelings will always get hurt no matter what age.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 13/09/2019 18:02

Yeah, the other child wasn’t nice but I wouldn’t have contacted the other mother AGAIN about it.

DarkDarkNight · 13/09/2019 18:04

Shocked is a bit much. Your Dajghter is 9, have you never came across anyone being mean to her before now?

I think you should step back and accept kids are sometimes mean to each other. This is not bullying. They’re just kids, there is no reason for this to sour an adult friendship.

Arthur2shedsJackson · 13/09/2019 18:10

The difference between a 9 year old and a child of 10.5 could be huge. The older one could already have reached puberty ( I had ) and be subject to all sorts of different pressures.
Keep your friendship with the Mum, OP, and leave the girls to find their own friends.

gamerwidow · 13/09/2019 18:11

Is your child even still bothered about this?
Girl's of this age fall out of this kind of stuff all the time and will be friends again next week. The best thing you can do is teach your daughter to resilient and not dwell on it. Let her be upset at the time and talk about how she feels then move on. You do your child no favours getting this invested in her relationships.

berlinbabylon · 13/09/2019 18:15

She is a only child and treated like a faberge egg

Oh I see, an only child. Biscuit

gamerwidow · 13/09/2019 18:19

My DD(9) is an only child and she plays with local girl's aged 8-11 on our street and they are always having the most ridiculous arguments.
I found it hard initially to bite my tongue and not get involved when she'd come in upset but they go from enemies to besties and back again in the space of day sometimes.

YouokHun · 13/09/2019 18:50

it means we can't all hang out together if her child is going to be hostile to ours

Be careful with this OP. Children need to learn a degree of toleration and negotiation. If you cut off you may be making a permanent severing of a family friendship over something that will be a temporary falling out. Your DD also needs to be resilient in the upcoming years - there’s going to be many more fillings out among her peers. I would try and see the family just as adults for a bit or on different territory with children and just see how it goes. Ten years time they might be the best of friends. You can’t manage away all their pain (sadly).

YouokHun · 13/09/2019 18:53

fallings out I mean Blush. Three now adult DDs so have been there OP.

cansu · 13/09/2019 19:11

I think you are over reacting. Kids fall out lots and often will retaliate by calling each other names. It is kind of part of growing up. I think if you want to hang out as a family with your friend you are going to have to be more relaxed. If it continues to be a problem then you might think about whether the girls get on. I think you might need to teach your dd some resilience. Kids who can fall out and make friends again without a huge drama will get on better in the long run.

gamerwidow · 13/09/2019 19:14

Since I posted at 18:11 DD has come stomping in saying one of the girls slammed a door in her face. They'll have made up by the morning.

Notodontidae · 13/09/2019 19:15

I agree with most of what has been said, I would like to add two things, children often get upset if they are not believed, parents should try to encourage them to exceppt this as their loss, and your own DD also seems a bit vulnerable, while it is upsetting when a friend says they dont want to be friends, they should be of a strong enough character to say "Ok fine" If the friend has made it up, she is the one that needs the most help. As an adult, or a parent, I always assume the story to be true, unless I have proof to the contrary.

M2B19 · 13/09/2019 19:44

It’s kids being kids surely!?!

mumwon · 13/09/2019 19:53

little girls are often friends than enemies within the blink of an eye & than back again -its best to keep a close ear (rather than eye!) on what is being said just in case their is bullying going on - from either side - or is someone being socially inept in the way they react.

cherish123 · 13/09/2019 19:58

Your friend did overreact. However, I would not have mentioned it. Children argue all the time and are often unkind to each other. DD can deal with it herself.

Lizzylozzy444 · 13/09/2019 20:24

Girls bicker and squabble, fall out and make friends again within a few minutes. I wouldn't worry about it on this occasion but definitely keep an eye out for future events.

Sherry19 · 13/09/2019 20:41

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Summersunshine2 · 13/09/2019 20:47

Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread but this is one of my pet hates.
WHY oh why do adults expect children to be perfect when adults aren't either.
Seriously you are better off helping your child grow and thick skin and deal with these situations herself.