Friend's child

[MrPickles73]

We are friendly with another family who has a child 18 months older than our eldest. We had dinner together on Sunday and all had a good time.
Monday we met up for something else and at the end my eldest burst into tears which is uncharecteristic of her (she is 9). The other girl is 18 months older. I asked what was up and in front of the other mother my child said the other child was being really unkind. I was shocked and didn't know what to say.the other mother made her kid hug my kid and then we went home. On the way home my child gave me her version of events. The other kid had bragged about something she had made up and my child pointed out this were untrue. The other child took umbridge and then was unkind to her, saying she was stupid, didn't want to be her friend etc.
Last night I spoke to the other mother as I value her friendship. I told her what my child had said and why she was upset. She didn't seem to see that her child was in the wrong (losing her rag with my child because she'd been called out for making something up) and just said they needed their heads knocking together and perhaps my child had been feeling unwell and that was why she was do sensitive..
AIBU to be pissed off? Or did I do the wrong thing to talk to her about it?. If it were the other way I would want to know if my child was being unkind.
Later on the child's step father came over to apologise. The child has form for being unkind to other children...

[Aprillygirl]

You and your dd are drama queens. She will be getting into a lot more squabbles as she goes through school, where you will not be around to protect her. I suggest you teach her resilience.

[sailingclosetothewind]

I can't actually believe some people think this is bullying. This is not bullying!! Jesus H Christ. They had a difference of opinion.
No wonder the children are growing up with zero resilience or life skills if if a squabble is immediately labelled bullying.

To bully:

Meaning: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable).

Hardly the situation op finds herself in. Heaven forbid her dd does actually find herself being bullied, op may wish she had taught her how to handle tricky conversations/situations.

[RavenLG]

My DH is also an only child and a total drama queen
As opposed to yourself who is a total calm and rational person huh?
Stop generalising only children, it's doing you absolutely no favours and you're most likely projecting your own worries about your children being drama oriented by spouting 'well friend's DD is an only child so OBVIOUSLY she has issues'

[Runningsmooth]

It sounds like one childish argument. Don't blow it up into something bigger. Have your own kids not called each other stupid during an argument before?

[catsandkid]

Sorry OP... I'm another one in the 'get over it' camp on this one! I'm pretty shocked you're this affected by it tbh - your DD has most likely moved on and forgotten about. Although if you keep trying to talk it through with her you're sending the message to her that this is a big deal and then that isn't particularly helpful for her as she'll have to navigate this type of childish squabbling with her school friends for many years yet - and learning about rising above things and not letting small squabbles fester and get you down is a far more useful and adult approach I think.

You don't sound like you like this friend or her DD much at all. If it's such an issue just don't hang out with them.

Also - you came across childish yourself when PP's didn't agree with you and you're instinct was to start to insult your friend and her child in response (also using 'only child' in an insulting manner). That's not helping your case here, and kind of validating those who think you're being a bit of a drama-lama on this issue!

[Daenerys77]

Good friends are not so easily come by that you can afford to sacrifice a healthy friendship over something so minor. If your children don't get on, they will just have to learn to tolerate each other occasionally.

[Ginnymweasley]

This sounds like a complete non event in the lives and friendships of 10 years olds. Your daughter didn't need to call out the other girl for lying if it was just a silly story etc and wasnt going to harm anyone, the other girl was embarrassed for being called out and reacted with anger. None of this makes the other girl horrible and your daughter a saint. Is it really worth all this angst and drama?

[lavenderbluedilly]

Can you meet without bringing the kids? When DS was younger I used to bring him regularly to see my friend, who has 2 DDs of a similar age. They used to get on great but when they got to about 9 or 10, it was clear they had nothing in common and it started to become awkward - no arguments as such, but they weren’t friends either. So we started meeting up without the kids, which avoids any problems.

[LikeABucket]

The term, First World Problems springs to mind.

[Cheeseandwin5]

It seems that you want everyone to know that your child was innocent whilst hers was the aggressor. Have you even spoken to the other child to get her side? I have to agree this sounds like a minor squabble which was probably caused by both of them. Even if the the step father did apologise, you could have been more magnanimous and correctly said it was probably both of them. By sticking your oar in and forcing the blame on one side, you are teaching your daughter a very bad lesson and probably coming over as a bad friend.
If i was the girls mother, I would definitely distance myself from you.

[Magicmama92]

I'd make sure your daughter wants to hang out with this other child before you arrange another play date she either will and they will move on or she wont becouse they dont really get on. She said overreact by crying but kids do overreact and sometimes dont know how to handle things or react. Good luck.

[CassianAndor]

Your bias against only children is showing, OP. Not sure I’d really want my DD to be friends with a child who’s mum thought in this way. But you are the one in this scenario treating your DD like a Faberge egg.

You need to step back and allow the children to resolve these things for themselves.

[BogglesGoggles]

This is what normal children that she do every now and then. It’s part of their emotional development to learn why we shouldn’t be mean and to develop resilience to unkind words anda sense of proportionality. You remind me of those mothers that go marching up to other mothers at soft okay demanding an apology because their child got slapped.

[liveitwell]

Get over it OP. Your child was just as much in the wrong.

[Mummyshark2018]

Tbf op you are coming across as the parent who wants to treat their children as 'faberge eggs'- overreacting about two children having a disagreement. Let your child experience what it is like to not agree with someone/ fall out/ make up. Your child sounds like the madam by calling someone out on a lie- what was the lie by the way? It's quite mean spirited really especially if your child went on about it.
I have an only children and they are not a drama queen btw!

[IamWaggingBrenda]

Yes you should let it go. Two girls had words, it’s over. Unless it’s really terrible behaviour, and it wasn’t, never get involved in your children’s arguments. Typically, the children get over it and remain friends, but the parents fall out over it.

[Butchyrestingface]

My DH is also an only child and a total drama queen confused

How many siblings do you have, @MrPickles73?

[NoCauseRebel]

I can’t help thinking that the next generation of adults are going to be incapable of dealing with conflict of any kind, that anxiety will be a common occurrence because of it and that social skills will be non existent.

Constantly you see people talking about how their child had a spat with another child and advice is often “see the person without the children,” “they obviously don’t get on and the other parent is unreasonable to not immediately discipline their brat for upsetting my snowflake.” Oh and let’s not forget that we have now apparently become a population of narcissists. .

This situation sounds like a bit of a tit for tat. Your daughter was being a tell-tale smart arse who turned on the waterworks to get mummy’s sympathy, so quite a manipulative drama queen, the other child had (apparently) lied about something, they clashed over their mutual behaviour and now you think that this child is unpleasant to yours?

You’re setting your child up for all sorts of problems when she’s older if you keep this up.

[CassianAndor]

I read Michelle Obama’s autiobiography recently and one thing that stuck with me was her saying that the best thing her mother did for her was not get in her business - to leave her to sort out things like this for herself.

[Idea86]

As you've probably gathered from the other responders, I think you've gone a bit over the top I'm afraid OP.
Kids have little spats, if this were a common occurrence or the other child was intimidating or being violent to her, then I'd raise the issue with her a mum.

[thecatinthetwat]

Op, do you think you should have listened to your dd when she first reported the problem? You sort of didn’t give her a chance to get away from the other girl, which it sounds like she wanted to. Don’t make your dd hang out with this girl if she doesn’t want to.

Also, bragging and telling blatant lies at age 10 is odd behaviour isn’t it? Is that typical, it sounds really odd?

[user1472709746]

I don't think it's actually that kind to call people out for brags that are clearly untrue. People lie like this for a reason, usually massive insecurity. Perhaps you could try to explain this to your DD. An insecure child who has been humiliated by being called out is likely to react badly and try to deflect the negative emotions away from themselves.

[TheQuaffle]

This is all par for the course with kids surely?!
Saying they’re stupid and that they don’t want to be your friend isn’t exactly the worst thing ever. I remember far worse between me and my siblings growing up!

It’s important for kids to know that kindness is expected but I think there is some value in them realising everyone won’t always be kind and you have to be a bit thicker skinned when they’re not.

[Goodmoaning1980]

For God sake this is childish to get involved, let them sort it out themselves. They will never be able to navigate adult hood if you keep interfering in such small matters. In the grand scheme of things does it matter if the other child told a lie? Good grief every child lies about something sometime in their lives. It's normal growing up. Your child is not an angel she sounds like a very annoying goodie two shoes that tell tails.

[kitk]

They're preteen girls! This is probably the beginning of many callings out. With respect your DD is probably going ru have to toughen up to survive the teen years and friend's kid is going to have to stop making rubbish up if she wants to be liked and respected