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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend's child

141 replies

MrPickles73 · 12/09/2019 08:06

We are friendly with another family who has a child 18 months older than our eldest. We had dinner together on Sunday and all had a good time.
Monday we met up for something else and at the end my eldest burst into tears which is uncharecteristic of her (she is 9). The other girl is 18 months older. I asked what was up and in front of the other mother my child said the other child was being really unkind. I was shocked and didn't know what to say.the other mother made her kid hug my kid and then we went home. On the way home my child gave me her version of events. The other kid had bragged about something she had made up and my child pointed out this were untrue. The other child took umbridge and then was unkind to her, saying she was stupid, didn't want to be her friend etc.
Last night I spoke to the other mother as I value her friendship. I told her what my child had said and why she was upset. She didn't seem to see that her child was in the wrong (losing her rag with my child because she'd been called out for making something up) and just said they needed their heads knocking together and perhaps my child had been feeling unwell and that was why she was do sensitive..
AIBU to be pissed off? Or did I do the wrong thing to talk to her about it?. If it were the other way I would want to know if my child was being unkind.
Later on the child's step father came over to apologise. The child has form for being unkind to other children...

OP posts:

RedTideBlues · 12/09/2019 10:20

The girls didn't hug and make up the other girl was told to hug your daughter, big difference. Your daughter was bullied, you either continue the friendship aware of what is going on or you don`t'.

Original poster

MrPickles73 · 12/09/2019 10:31

We were doing an activity for nearly an hour so my daughter had no where else to go than to stick with it. After 25 mins my daughter came to me saying the other child was being unkind and I told her to sort it out. It was after 45 mins when she burst into tears. So I think suggesting she was over reacting is a little harsh.
My DH is also an only child and a total drama queen

OP posts:

MouseInATelescope · 12/09/2019 10:32

They'll proabably have forgotten all about it by now OP....

My 7 year old (boy, not that it matters really) is best friends with 2 girls at school. One of them apparently jumped on him and damaged his glasses and didn't say sorry and he came out upset with a graze on his nose.

The next day they were hugging as they ran in together. I mean he's my eldest so I don't know if 9/10 year old girls are different when they fight but surely they aren't making as bigger deal as you?

Original poster

MrPickles73 · 12/09/2019 10:32

Step father is embarrassed by her behaviour and hence he apologised. I'm ready to move on now.

OP posts:

Nonmerci · 12/09/2019 10:34

Oh man, she wasn’t bullied. This isn’t bullying. They are two friends and they had a little squabble, it happens all of the time. My DD’s are forever falling out with their best friend’s at school then they make up the following day. I don’t get involved with it, why would I?! This level of helicopter parenting is obscene.

iklboo · 12/09/2019 10:37

My DH is also an only child and a total drama queen

I'm an only, so is DS. We're not drama queens.

dollydaydream114 · 12/09/2019 10:38

The other kid had bragged about something she had made up and my child pointed out this were untrue. The other child took umbridge and then was unkind to her, saying she was stupid, didn't want to be her friend etc.

Perfectly normal argument between a couple of 9/10 year olds, no big deal, move on. You've massively overreacted to this, plus you have only your daughter's own account of how the argument actually played out.

Children that age argue and fall out all the bloody time. You're making a drama out nothing and your reaction is vastly over the top.

Ultimately, if your daughter and your friend's daughter don't actually want to be friends you can't make them. There's no reason they should/would get along just because you happen to be friends with her mum.

HennyPennyHorror · 12/09/2019 10:40

It was a complete non-event OP. 9-11 year olds have this kind of crap almost daily at school you know.

You seem over sensitive regarding your DD.

WonderWomansSpin · 12/09/2019 10:46

You're quite nasty about only children. You might want to deal with that before you socialise with any only children again.
As for the DCs, you've blown this out of proportion.

saraclara · 12/09/2019 10:57

Yep. A total non-event at that age, which you've totally over-reacted to.

The other mum tried to smooth things over. It should have been left at that. By all means sympathise with your daughter when you get home, and talk to her about handling this sort of thing, but bring up the whole thing again with the mum was pointless.

WatcherintheRye · 12/09/2019 10:59

Not good to stereotype only children as spoilt, entitled, self-centred faberge eggs. (Nice metaphor, though. Will employ it re any indulged person in future!). As pp have said, lots of children with siblings can be really unpleasant to others, and lots of only children are perfectly lovely. (Only child here )

thecatsthecats · 12/09/2019 11:06

Her child made something up.

Your child said it wasn't true.

Her child showed her upset by getting angry and annoyed.

Your child showed her subsequent upset by crying.

So in the sequence of events, her child was made upset by your child first. Angry comes under the same heading of upset as sad.

You don't specify, but calling out someone for lying can actually be a very mean-spirited thing to do if it's not important, and it can definitely be done in a very rude and hurtful way.

Her step father intervening of any relevance either. He might be taking on for the team on behalf of his wife because they both think you're blowing it out of proportion.

Batcrazymum3 · 12/09/2019 11:11

Just because that was mums reaction to you doesn’t mean she didn’t give DD a dressing down when they were alone. Your friend clearly talked to her husband abut the situation so this must be playing on her mind. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is because she didn’t fall to the ground and plead for forgiveness.

You now have a feel of the child and so does your daughter. Let them work things out themselves, if DD says she doesn’t want to play with X again, make other arrangements.

sailingclosetothewind · 12/09/2019 11:13

The children had a squabble and you have managed to turn this into a huge event. It really isn't. It is a disagreement, one of many that most children will have.

Why are you friends with them?

You clearly really don't like her (or her child) very much. Your 'friend' tried to smooth things over between the girls, and given it was a non event, most parents would have probably done the same.

I don't see much mileage left in this friendship. You are being way too over indulgent, and you will fall out again before too long is my prediction. I am not sure it is her child that is the faberge egg to be honest.

BarbariansMum · 12/09/2019 11:14

2 children argued, 1 cried. Life moved on. The end.

sailingclosetothewind · 12/09/2019 11:15

The stepfather was sent over to talk sense into you, I suspect if your friend was truly apologetic she would have called by herself...

saraclara · 12/09/2019 11:17

calling out someone for lying can actually be a very mean-spirited thing to do if it's not important, and it can definitely be done in a very rude and hurtful way.

That

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 12/09/2019 11:19

Mum to 3dd's oldest is 11 I use to take this approach when she was younger inform other children involved parents but I eventually found it never helped any situation as sad as this is so I now just talk it all through with my children if it's something in school/club I speak to them and find some other parents tend to be clueless of what's happened or been going on when or if someone else informs them Think they need to encourage they children to talk to them more about their day to day lives

AryaStarkWolf · 12/09/2019 11:24

Jesus christ get a grip OP, talk about making something over nothing

GlasshouseStoneThrower · 12/09/2019 11:28

Sounds like a bit of a fuss about nothing, but I agree that there's no point in making the kids spend time together if they don't get on. Just see your friend without kids present from now on.

BarbariansMum · 12/09/2019 11:29

Look.at it this way OP. This child and your dd may be friendly, or actually only tolerate each other. They may have once been friends but may have grown apart. They may one day be more friendly again, or they may not.

The only certainty is that, if you automatically exclude every child who ever upsets her from your dd's circle, she is going to be pretty lonely.

ScatteredMama82 · 12/09/2019 11:31

They had a falling out, instead of fighting her battles and talking to the mum about it, teach your daughter how to deal with it in future. My DS had an argument with a kid at school yesterday, they had a falling out over who was doing what in shared piece of work. She told my DS he had 'mental problems'. He called her a 'twerp'. Should I call the school and get together with her mum to sort it out? Of course not, that's absurd. I discussed with my DS that name-calling is not the best way to go, lesson learned, job done.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/09/2019 11:39

Step father is embarrassed by her behaviour and hence he apologised. I'm ready to move on now.

Step father probably just wants to shut you up lbr here

BumbleBeee69 · 12/09/2019 11:49

Don't let anyone bully your kid for any reason OP. I'd suggest finding other friends for your DD, instead of one that actively bullies and who has a Mother who encourages it.

Blueoasis · 12/09/2019 11:50

Wow I came on here expecting much worse. This is what you're upset by?

A child made something up, got caught out by a friend, and called said friend stupid and that she didn't want to be friends anymore.

Oh no! Child did things most children do!

Come on op, you're the one treating your daughter like a precious delicate flower. That must be the first time she's been called stupid, she's done well if it took her until 9 for that to happen. Pretty sure me and my friends were calling each other stupid from 5.

Just drop it and let them act like kids. It's what kids do. The other child isn't hostile, she got caught out and over reacted. She'll learn from it.

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