Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Pavlova31 · 11/09/2019 12:23

@glitterpearl I quite agree with you and certainly do not believe she needs to be written off in any way . However to broadcast herself like that she needs to be reminded of other people’s feelings.

ScarlettSahara · 11/09/2019 12:25

I find myself agreeing with Glitter & Seren. It is unpleasant behaviour yes & very immature & shows lack of gratitude but I think it is on a spectrum of normal behaviour. They don’t magically become responsible, considerate humans at 18.

I would be mortified if my DD had done it (she has other faults as do I!) but not many in the family acknowledged her birthday. I would be having a word with her & advise her to take down the video.

2girlsandagap · 11/09/2019 12:29

What an entitled little twit! I’d comment and say you’re expecting the gifts she’s publicly slated to be returned. The ungrateful mare- I’d be mortified if my kids were so badly mannered

Pinkyyy · 11/09/2019 12:29

Obviously I really that the top level influencers earn an awful lot out of it. However I think it's important that they don't put all their eggs in that basket.

PonderingPanda · 11/09/2019 12:29

@Bellasblankexpression what are you going to do?

RosesAndRaindrops · 11/09/2019 12:30

Jesus.
Not RTFT
I was going to say YABU, and meh as I've seen these so called unboxings and hauls on Youtube and they seem OK, each to their own.
That, though?!
Seriously extremely rude, what an ungrateful brat! No way would I be buying here anything again, FFS, that's awful.

GreenTulips · 11/09/2019 12:30

Glitterpearl

She’s 18 not 4

redcupbluecup · 11/09/2019 12:30

I'd put a public reply on the video on facebook
"Treasure the necklace I bought you as it'll be the last thing you'll receive from me. You have publicly humiliated your family to show off to strangers. Had I have known this is the type of person that you are I'd have saved the money and taken your gran out who is now very upset by your awful video. You should be ashamed of yourself."

Derbee · 11/09/2019 12:31

I wouldn’t comment publicly. I would send her a message and explain that she has hurt a lot of people’s feelings, who had chosen gifts with love. Point out that a lot of people are disappointed and are unlikely to buy her presents in the future.

She’s bloody rude, and she’s an entitled little shit. But I would also give her a chance to take the video down and make amends before giving her a public bollocking and writing her off.

I would NEVER by her a present again though.

Chloemol · 11/09/2019 12:33

I would be speaking to her parents and showing them the video post if they haven’t already seen it. And I would speak to to her. I would explain what she has done is not acceptable behaviour and that she has upset and hurt her grandmother, she needs to remove the post, apologise in person to her grandmother and understand that now she is 18 she won’t be be getting any more presents from you, as you are disappointed in her behaviour

TanselleTooTall · 11/09/2019 12:33

What she did was terrible! Shock

pikapikachu · 11/09/2019 12:35

I don't buy that she's too young to know. Much younger kids can imagine how mortified they'd be if someone publicly gave them a thumbs down )ie shamed them).

A video where she opens presents fine. The thumbs up and thumbs down - not ok at all,

doublebarrellednurse · 11/09/2019 12:35

These kind of videos are very very common but usually about hauls they've brought from the internet gifts. She seems to have taken it to another level and not considered how vapid and offensive she's been.

Has anyone told her? She may just think it's trendy and thought no further, empathy is not a lot of teenagers strong points.

Glitterpearl · 11/09/2019 12:37

She's 18 not 4.

And posters on this thread are considerably older again, yet they think this situation justifies them using words such as whore, bitch, vile, and suggesting she is emotionally stunted, mentally ill, and advising that she should "have the book thrown at her".

I thought we threw the book at drink drivers and IMO murderers and rapists are vile.

So when did that language become acceptable in a situation that can be dealt with by having a quiet word about hurt feelings and consequences of putting things online, and an apology when she realises she's been stupid?

dollydaydream114 · 11/09/2019 12:39

I'm pretty gobsmacked that anyone is using 'She's only 18' as an excuse for this. A child half that age would know better than to share a video moaning about her birthday presents and naming the people who bought them for her on a platform where lots of those people follow her.

This behaviour wouldn't be OK from a much younger child, FFS, let alone an 18-year-old adult.

I would absolutely say something, pretty forcefully, to her. She needs a very sharp wake-up call.

PurpleViolin · 11/09/2019 12:41

Message her privately.

Lweji · 11/09/2019 12:42

I'd bloody tell her directly.

Your poor mum.

And depending on her reaction, I might stop giving her anything.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 11/09/2019 12:43

I think it is on a spectrum of normal behaviour

Dear Lord. How on earth have you managed to meet so many awful 18 year olds that you think this is normal?

ScreamingValenta · 11/09/2019 12:44

I think the best thing to do would be to speak to her, rather than posting this and that on social media or going via her mum - explain how she has hurt people's feelings with her cruel reactions - this might bring home to her that what she does on social media has real life consequences.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/09/2019 12:45

The fact that she's 18 should mean that she understands how all this youtubing works a lot better than all of those of us that are twice her age and find the whole concept of making extremely dull videos and sharing them online a quite odd thing to do.

She's at the same time posting material that she wants a reaction for, cos it's all about the likes, but not thinking about the effect on her nearest and dearest who aren't going to enjoy laughing at the presents she found disappointing, because they are the very people who bought them for her, at her request.

How she could not have made that connection, I really don't know. Doesn't she get that people on the internet are still real people and some of them are the same people as her real life people.

mnbvcxz098 · 11/09/2019 12:48

Sadly, seems to typify younger people today. I presume you won't get caught again when she is 21/gets engaged/gets married - if she comments, then explain how horribly rude she was about her 18th presents. Karma!

HoppingPavlova · 11/09/2019 12:50

That is really crass and at that age I’d be calling them on it.

Durgasarrow · 11/09/2019 12:55

I think it would be appropriate to leave a brief and dignified post on her Facebook page that expresses how you feel. Not snippy or angry, but concerned for all involved. Something like, "Cecily, we love you. We're happy you're pleased with your necklace. But if you didn't, we would have been very sad to learn about it from this video. Some others might feel the same. XO Auntie B"

SuperSara · 11/09/2019 12:55

What a fucking cow!

That would be the end of present giving if she was my relative.

catx1606 · 11/09/2019 12:56

She's 18, she's an adult so she should know better. How rude and ungrateful. I would talk to her about how upset the video has made her family and that it's rude. Tell her she needs to remove the video and explain to the viewers why. When she has to do that herself, she might then realise what she's done