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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Howlovely · 11/09/2019 12:58

I'm really struggling to understand the posters who are appearing to think that this is perfectly normal behaviour for an 18 year old, and that 18 year olds are infants who haven't learnt socially acceptable behaviour yet. This is exactly why she is behaving the way she has. Because some adults think she shouldn't be called up on her behaviour and all she needs is a whisper in her ear about her despicable actions and a hug and that one day she will grow into an empathetic, kind, hard working, gracious and well rounded adult at the age of 40. Stop infantisilng adults. She will need to get a job one day and that day is soon. She needs to wise up and be more sensible about her social media presence.
She also needs to own her behaviour and make a genuine apology to those family members she had humiliated and hurt so publicly.
And yes, I do think that publicly humiliating people on social media when all they've done is bought you a gift is pretty vile behaviour.

Sparklesocks · 11/09/2019 12:59

As pp have said I don’t think a ‘haul/reactions’ video is that bad in itself, I don’t know much about vlogging but I know they’re popular videos. However it’s the tone and rude dismissing of the gifts which is the bad part!

Had she done a ‘here are all my presents, thanks everyone!’ type video I wouldn’t have understood it but it’s not the same as a rude ungrateful one.

Shockers · 11/09/2019 13:01

Bloody hell- that’s beyond rude!

I have teens- I can’t imagine either of them ever doing anything like this- it’s not normal teenage behaviour at all!

Bloodymary · 11/09/2019 13:02

redcupbluecup That is a very good reply.
I am afraid that I would not have been so eloquent.

WestEndWendie · 11/09/2019 13:03

This is shockingly poor behaviour. What an ungrateful immature brat. 18 is old enough to know better.

I'd comment on her page too since she's put it out there. I'd give her a thumbs down and ask for the gifts to be returned even the ones she liked. She really needs to learn a lesson. This is not normal behaviour fir a teenage girl.

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 11/09/2019 13:05

For the love of God do not post the link here. She will get thousands and thousands of views.

Drogosnextwife · 11/09/2019 13:05

She's 18, I would phone her directly not her mum, and tell her to get a grip and get a life and stop acting like an entitled brat. She should be phoning her family members to apologise.

FilledSoda · 11/09/2019 13:06

Speak to her directly , not her mum.
Is this typical behaviour or has she got caught up in all the YT hype and had a massive lapse in judgement?

thecatsthecats · 11/09/2019 13:07

I'm really struggling to understand the posters who are appearing to think that this is perfectly normal behaviour for an 18 year old, and that 18 year olds are infants who haven't learnt socially acceptable behaviour yet. This is exactly why she is behaving the way she has. Because some adults think she shouldn't be called up on her behaviour and all she needs is a whisper in her ear about her despicable actions and a hug and that one day she will grow into an empathetic, kind, hard working, gracious and well rounded adult at the age of 40. Stop infantisilng adults. She will need to get a job one day and that day is soon. She needs to wise up and be more sensible about her social media presence.

Excellent post.

It's hugely disingenuous to suggest that MN sees 18yo as adults as being the opposite of what people are actually saying - that an 18yo regardless of whether you call them an adult - should already know this is bad behaviour.

This wasn't a quick, silly slip up either. It wasn't a well-intentioned move that went awry. What she wanted to do was rate her haul for likes, without any consideration for how the givers would feel.

As I said before - I genuinely believe that actually feeling and experiencing the impact of what she's done will benefit this girl. Resilience doesn't just include dealing with how other people make you feel, it includes dealing with the consequences of your bad actions, and becoming a better person as a result.

I don't know any decent human being who has learned to be so without having acted like a prick and suffered the consequences for it.

Jellybeansincognito · 11/09/2019 13:07

I’d comment on the video and ask for her gifts from yourself and your mum back.
With a comment about how she should be ashamed of herself and people’s well thought loving gifts are not a joke and it’s disrespectful and entitled to embarrass people online.

willloman · 11/09/2019 13:11

Can you make a reaction video to her reaction video? Maybe like a gogglebox thing, showing how horrified people are at her reations to presents. Don't post but do make sure she sees it. She'll get the message...

kaysey3938 · 11/09/2019 13:12

I am her age and it’s people like this that give our generation a bad name- I promise we aren’t all like this! For my 18th I got a cake only as my family knew I was going to be wanting to go to university later in the year. I would never dream of making a video like this, being able to unwrap presents is the best gift in itself I think

huuskymam · 11/09/2019 13:14

This reply has been deleted

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rebecca102 · 11/09/2019 13:15

Wow does she know anything about third world countries. Sounds like a brat and I'd never purchase her a gift again.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 11/09/2019 13:16

I do OP comes back and updates us on how this has been dealt with by OP/wider family

QueenofallIsee · 11/09/2019 13:17

I have a 20 year old and 3 teens. My children have known since the age of about 5 that the only response to a gift is one of gratitude and thanks, I don’t buy for one second that 18 is too young to know better. This is a teaching moment for a young woman whose understanding and empathy has gone sadly awry, therefore she must be told how utterly thoughtless and ill mannered she has been

Howlovely · 11/09/2019 13:19

If this is just down to childish behaviour that is not her fault as she is only 18 I really, really hope she does not drive or vote, which she is legally 'adult' enough to do, with this level of poor decision making.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/09/2019 13:19

Nowadays when this generation do stupid things they do them very publicly, online, in front of a far bigger audience

Well yes, but even that's a choice - last time I looked nobody was forced to plaster their entire lives online, never mind something as rude as this

I agree that any approach should be made privately though, not least because posting a response online could easily escalate the situation and attract a bunch of Huns to tell her she's a victim of all the "haterz"

MrMeSeeks · 11/09/2019 13:22

Im afraid j’d go on her page and tell her followers how hurt her family are and that they will not be bothering again ( let them see what type of person she is) then she wouldn't get another gift from me

Baguetteaboutit · 11/09/2019 13:25

God, how fucking rude. I'd be bloody mortified if I were her mother.

OvalCanvas · 11/09/2019 13:28

You should all react to her reactions video with one of your very own.

I'm sure she'll be shook...

diddl · 11/09/2019 13:29

What a horrible thing to do.

She doesn't care who she upsets, does she?

All for strangers to laugh over-who at he same time might be thinking that she's pretty awful!

Baguetteaboutit · 11/09/2019 13:30

Yes, do what oval said - that would be brilliant! Grin

GrimDamnFanjo · 11/09/2019 13:31

This is just bizarre behaviour- what a self absorbed young woman.
If she had been sharing her presents and being positive about all of them in a kind of "sharing the moment" way that might be odd, but rating them is just rude.

TheTrollFairy · 11/09/2019 13:33

What she did was definitely rude and I would be speaking to her about it for 2 reasons... 1) she needs to understand that this type of thing affects other people (such as your mum) and 2) realising that things like this can never really be taken back. The video has been put out on YouTube and Facebook and probably other social media platforms which means her audience can be very large. Companies do social media checks and things like this won’t look favourably for her.

Some of the reactions from people on here at a bit OTT. What she did was rude and very hurtful but there has been quite a lot of name calling by people on here who are claiming she should know better but are displaying quite horrible behaviour themselves.