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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 11/09/2019 11:31

She made a video on youtube.Thats public.I would certainly leave a comment.And mention she wont have to do a video next year.Cause people wont be buying her anything.

stucknoue · 11/09/2019 11:32

That's not normal behaviour, I have an 18 year old and she certainly wouldn't dream of not opening a gift when given for starters. I taught my kids to be grateful

Uniformuniformuniform · 11/09/2019 11:36

I would comment. You asked for X gift. We got you X gift. And thumbs down...? Don't worry we won't be buying a gift for you again. Love aunty

Senseofself1 · 11/09/2019 11:37

I'm imagining this girl has been spoilt and idolised by her parents to have grown into someone so entitled.

leafyskyline · 11/09/2019 11:37

As she saw fit to post this on social media I would do the same in return.

I would comment on her fb and you tube under the video and explain that her awful behaviour in this video has upset people who cared about her. If I were feeling especially bold I'd let her know she got a 'thumbs down' as a niece and shouldn't expect the save problem next year as she was unlikely to get any presents.

Uniformuniformuniform · 11/09/2019 11:37

Looks like she intentionally asked for something she didn't want to make the video....

Sweetpea55 · 11/09/2019 11:40

How rude and ungrateful. She's embarasing

tedladybird · 11/09/2019 11:40

What an entitled brat. I'd definitely be telling her mother and probably commenting on the video too. What on earth was she thinking?!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/09/2019 11:41

Excellent post from Zaphodsotherhead at 10.03; she's no doubt been inspired by one of these vapid SM "influencers" and hasn't considered that these gifts are a very different situation

I also agree she needs telling, but be prepared for a gormless stare if it happens; with some teens who get involved in this kind of internet stupidity, it's almost as if their brains fall out

Uniformuniformuniform · 11/09/2019 11:45

Also she isn't really a teen. She's legally an adult. I had moved out with a full time job renting a flat at 18. Not many do a gormless stare.... Let her parents know how she is.

mummabubs · 11/09/2019 11:47

I'm not excusing her behaviour (and I would be mortified if my DS ever did anything like this). I suspect she's done it because haul videos are all the rage right now and she hasn't put 2+2 together as to how people reviewing clothes hauls / beauty advent calendars is very different to personalised gifts from family. I don't know what her reaction would be if she realised the hurt she's caused but I guess I'm saying don't assume that she's aware how hurtful and inappropriate her actions were.

Some Qs I thought whilst reading OP- what's the relationship between her and you/your mum usually like? How close are you? Would you or your mum feel able to talk to her parents if talking to her seems too intense or intimidating a conversation to have? What do you think she'd feel if she knew how much it had upset you and what would you hope her action/response would be to knowing?

Only you can decide whether to give her cards or gifts in future. I agree that's it's a really upsetting and ill-thought through thing that's she done and I'd feel upset in your position.

JupiterJane · 11/09/2019 11:53

That’s appalling. I don’t think you need to think about buying gifts in future. She’s an adult now

iMatter · 11/09/2019 11:56

I'm reading this open mouthed!

Absolutely awful behaviour from your niece.

I'd ask for the gift back and make sure everyone saw the video.

What a brat.

Kaykay06 · 11/09/2019 12:02

All the rage if you’re a kid my sons sometimes watch kids opening a few gifts on YouTube but nothing vulgar or rude such as this.

Speaking as a mother of a recently turned 18 year old son who was incredibly grateful for all money/gifts and outings he received for his birthday and doing something such as recording it and thumbs down etc is pathetic - she is an adult but I certainly would not buy her anything again and make it known how I felt about what she’d done. Sad for people who perhaps spent more than they would have due to milestone birthday!!

lovemenorca · 11/09/2019 12:03

This is a deeply unpleasant person
Forget the current trends, influencers etc
This is a mean spirited unpleasant individual

She won’t be upset that you’re upset.

But nonetheless - I would still comment. No sarcasm. Instead the truth - that this is hurtful behaviour

lovemenorca · 11/09/2019 12:06

she hasn't put 2+2 together as to how people reviewing clothes hauls / beauty advent calendars is very different to personalised gifts from family

She is 18 FFS. Not 5

thecatsthecats · 11/09/2019 12:09

This video?
Thumbs down.
Your attitude?
Thumbs down.
Chances of receiving gifts in future?
Thumbs down.

It may not be a popular opinion, but I think that although teens do do stupid things, and yes, they're still learning, there's a benefit to feeling mortification and upset.

I still remember a howler or two from my youth - I remember the shame and upset in far greater detail than the offences. But I also learned the consequences of being a twat.

Glitterpearl · 11/09/2019 12:09

This is a deeply unpleasant person
Forget the current trends, influencers etc
This is a mean spirited unpleasant individual

When did the one strike and you're out policy come in?

I find this really sad actually. One error of judgement does not deserve this level of scrutiny. Where is the tolerance? Where is the level headedness? Where is the acknowledgement that we have all been arseholes? None of us are perfect.

There is not one person on this thread that can honestly say they have never had an error in judgement, never offended someone, never made a mistake.

So to write someone off over this is just incredibly sad. What on earth have we become?

CassianAndor · 11/09/2019 12:16

thecats that's a good point. Nowadays when this generation do stupid things they do they very publicly, online, in front of a far bigger audience. Whereas in my day you'd not do much more than feel embarrassing that you'd thrown up in front of half the class at a sixth form disco.

Pavlova31 · 11/09/2019 12:18

Appalling and entitled behaviour. I can only wonder at her upbringing to behave like that.
Fame/likes hungry or not the fact that she was so emotionally cold and incapable of realising the hurt she would cause also makes me if there is a possible mental health issue mixed in with this ...

Ringdonna · 11/09/2019 12:19

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Maryann1975 · 11/09/2019 12:19

Definitely call her up on her behaviour. She is 18 and needs to learn that it is not ok to be rude. I would be really hurt if any of dc did this and would want to know about it. I wouldn’t be in any hurry to buy her presents again and would make sure she knows why.

OccidentalPurist · 11/09/2019 12:21

I'm on social media a lot and no this is not normal!! Just very rude and ill-mannered!!

Monitor the responses though, as if her Facebook friends think it's hilarious she'll probably get much worse!

Loopytiles · 11/09/2019 12:22

Appalling behaviour.

Yeah, comment on her social media, everywhere its posted. Notify her parents. And no more gifts!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/09/2019 12:22

@FrancisCrawford is right - this wasn't just one bad decision - it was several. I don't see how anyone can get to 18 years old and not know that it is rude to be ungrateful for presents given to you - so to deliberately make a video where you show your ungrateful reactions for presents that don't live up to your expectations, and then to decide that it is a good thing to put that video online so everyone can see how rude you are being, and to not to care about the hurt you will be causing to the people who spent their hard earned cash on your presents - that is more than just a simple mistake. It shows a complete lack of manners and no care whatsoever for the feelings of others.

My mum is not well off and generally gives the dses a tenner for Christmas and birthdays. Even before they were 18 years old, none of them would have dreamt of complaining that this wasn't a big enough sum of money - they have always been grateful for the gifts, and have had the good manners to express their gratitude.

@Bellasblankexpression - if I were you, I would be contacting both this young woman and her parents to tell them how much her video has upset people. If I were her mum, I would be horrified.