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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Niece did a 'reactions' haul video for 18th birthday presents...

403 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 11/09/2019 09:32

I don't know if I am out of touch with the youth of today [I'm only in my 30s but I feel seriously old right now despite working in social media] but I'm feeling pretty offended by this.
My niece turned 18th recently so we all spent a little extra and got her something from a list she provided.
We got her a necklace she'd asked for, for example, but other people couldn't afford to splash out and got vouchers or something smaller.
She's recently become very active on Youtube and Instagram, which is fine and pretty usual, but she saved all her presents from her birthday bbq as she said she wanted to open them later - again, fine.
However the real reason she wanted to open them later is because she wanted to open them during a video and show her live reactions to them, rating them with a thumbs up or thumbs down and saying things like 'Thanks but not thanks Auntie XXX'

I wasn't aware of the video until she shared it on her Facebook page - she's friends with lots of family members on there so people will have seen it. My mum isn't on Facebook but heard about it [her present got a thumbs down] and is mortified and really hurt.

I want to say something to her mum about it but DH thinks I should let it go and not get involved.

What would you do?

OP posts:
shearwater · 11/09/2019 13:39

I think most of DD2's Y6 class would have the maturity not to do something like that.

Sagradafamiliar · 11/09/2019 13:42

Fucking hell, how savage. She considers herself 'well known' enough to think people would be interested in the vid and therefore knew that family would see it, probably with a big smile on their faces to see her reactions- and she still gave no fucks.
I'd like to give it a thumbs down.

LetsSplashMummy · 11/09/2019 13:42

I think you need to get her to really see what she's done, not just get angry or threaten never to buy her a gift again.

I'd send an email something like: "I've never seen you receive a present from your grandma, open it in front of her and say to her - thumbs down grandma, rubbish gift. That's because you know it is unkind and will upset her. Now think about her seeing that reaction AND knowing hundreds of other people saw it too, that's so much worse. Just think about it, love Auntie."

LondonJax · 11/09/2019 13:49

I'm surprised her parents don't know she's done this. If you've seen it on Facebook they surely must have! Or are they the type of parents who didn't 'friend' their children very early on in case it hurt their feelings?

So the question is do they already know and are keeping their head down, did they condone it, do they support it and if they've seen it why haven't they dealt with it. Because I know if it were our DS his feet wouldn't have touched the ground - 18, 36 or 54 years old he knows better!

As for this bleating of 'she's only 18' - utter rubbish. My friend walked with me to school on my birthday and gave me a present - a tube of sweets. I was a bit 'oh' inside as I'd got her some make up for her birthday. But I smiled and thanked her as my parents had bought me up to accept that some people don't have a lot of money (we were one of those families but I had a Saturday job). Half way down the road she gave me another present - a lovely pen (I was very into stationery then). Just as we got to school she pulled out another gift - two books I'd been after for ages. She then said 'I've never seen someone smile for getting a tube of sweets'. My mum would have been proud and it's what I've instilled into our DS now. I was 14 years old.

Age has nothing to do with it. Selfishness does and she wouldn't get another big gift out of me for a very long time. £10 gift voucher next time.

AdobeWanKenobi · 11/09/2019 13:49

Where did you go OP?

Deathraystare · 11/09/2019 13:54

I'd send an email something like: "I've never seen you receive a present from your grandma, open it in front of her and say to her - thumbs down grandma, rubbish gift. That's because you know it is unkind and will upset her. Now think about her seeing that reaction AND knowing hundreds of other people saw it too, that's so much worse. Just think about it, love Auntie."

Yes, absolutely but do it on the facebook/instagram or whatever thingy she used so it is out there for all the thoroughly spoilt, entitled brats out there who do the same.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/09/2019 13:56

@Glitterpearl
There is no issue with being on social media or going on it extensively as an adult. But these are contentious comments for popularity and likes to the detriment of family members. I am sure another 18 yo would be equally hurt were their gift given the thumbs down or a thanks but no thanks.

PinkiOcelot · 11/09/2019 13:56

That is so rude. I have never heard of it! Is it a thing?! Disgraceful!! She wouldn’t be getting another thing from me regardless of whether my present got the thumbs up or the thumbs down!

Neveam · 11/09/2019 13:56

At 18 I'd think she'd have a bit more respect.

Those reaction videos are weird anyway. I dont understand half the crap that's on YouTube now! Also why would she share it on fb knowing she's friends with the people who bought her the presents? Is she that inconsiderate or just stupid?

I think I'd comment on the video. And ask if she saw the comment, then ask her to take it down out of respect for her family.

Annasgirl · 11/09/2019 14:00

Oh dear God, OP - if she was my DD I would want to know. How rude and entitled. We have had 2 niece / nephews turn 18 in the family this year - that is not normal behaviour. I have a teen DD and if she did this in a few years I would be so horrified that I would want to know (and call to each person with her and apologise face to face).

Mumofone1860 · 11/09/2019 14:00

If it was my neice... I would comment 'well young lady, with that behaviour I will not be getting you a present next year'. I'm 30 but I'm not beyond telling an entitled child off and being embarrassing on her social media pages!

So sorry for your mum, I think children nowadays don't understand consequences and only think of followers/likes.

dollydaydream114 · 11/09/2019 14:00

Sadly, seems to typify younger people today.

It doesn't. I know literally no 'younger people today' who would ever in a million years do this. I've got a few nieces and nephews around that age and I wouldn't say they are any more polite/thoughtful than average, but they would never do this, ever.

Making a video of their 18th birthday presents - fine and pretty normal these days.

Making a video in which they moan about the presents they didn't like when they know full well when the people who gave them the gifts will see it - not remotely fine, normal or acceptable.

Deathraystare · 11/09/2019 14:01

Mind you, when at school, my aunt gave me a David Cassidy poster (not my cuppa tea). Normally I would politely thank anyone but she did say - I hope you like him. I said "well actually...no). She kindly got me a T.Rex poster instead (yaya!). I seem to remember mum (rightly so) giving me a lecture about that!

billy1966 · 11/09/2019 14:04

Appalling behaviour.

This is certainly not how the 18 year olds I know would behave or anyone I've ever met.

I would be beyond mortified if I was her mother.

I certainly wouldn't criticize you for telling her either.

Talk about absolutely no self awareness!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 11/09/2019 14:07

Comment on her post with a link to this thread Grin

thisnamechanger · 11/09/2019 14:08

What sad, cringey, wannabe behaviour. OMG she's going to look back on this one day and be mortified!

thisnamechanger · 11/09/2019 14:14

Also I didn't realise these were a thing - just checked a few out on Youtube...it's SOOOO showy off and vulgar.

RosesAndRaindrops · 11/09/2019 14:14

I think it is on a spectrum of normal behaviour

Is it bollocks Grin

PegLegAntoine · 11/09/2019 14:33

Ugh embarrassing behaviour

BananaPlant · 11/09/2019 14:34

What a nasty thing to do. Of course you should call her out on it and tell her mum. And don’t buy her presents next time, she doesn’t deserve them.

billybagpuss · 11/09/2019 14:37

Have you decided what to do OP? I'm reading this absolutely gobsmacked.

I would be inclined to comment on the post something along the lines of 'I'm so sorry you didn't appreciate our gifts, although your method of communicating it is particularly hurtful especially to my Mum who is mortified.' and just leave it at that, don't comment when you get the inevitable 'Aw chill auntie xxx, its just a bit of fun it doesn't mean anything.'

tierraJ · 11/09/2019 14:43

We have student nurses of 18 working 12 hour shifts on our ward.

Maybe this young woman needs to experience the real world too & see that real people have feelings and are not just characters in her online world?

She sounds incredibly immature & pretty nasty & thoughtless with it.

I feel sorry for her grandmother whose gift got the thumbs down.

Glitterpearl · 11/09/2019 14:44

There is no issue with being on social media or going on it extensively as an adult. But these are contentious comments for popularity and likes to the detriment of family members. I am sure another 18 yo would be equally hurt were their gift given the thumbs down or a thanks but no thanks.

Not really sure what your point is here?

I have been very clear that I think the behaviour is unacceptable. My isuue is the subsequent behaviour of those on this thread. The language being used is so disproportionate.

TheTrollFairy puts it better than me

"Some of the reactions from people on here at a bit OTT. What she did was rude and very hurtful but there has been quite a lot of name calling by people on here who are claiming she should know better but are displaying quite horrible behaviour themselves."

TheNestedIf · 11/09/2019 14:46

Mature response:

Quietly have a word that people have put thought and care into her presents and her behaviour is hurtful and ill-mannered. Question whether she really values the approval of complete strangers over the feelings of her family who meant to be kind?

Immature but tempting response:

Bide your time. Wait until Christmas. Carefully and elaborately wrap a piece of coal. Film her response. Post it on YouTube.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/09/2019 14:52

Glitterpearl, it's not 'out of touch' to think about what you say and do as a young adult. The niece is 18. This was calculated and only the stupid or ignorant would think this ok to do.

I'm glad that nearly every poster has stated their disgust at this behaviour, restores my faith in Mumsnet. My daughter would not be allowed to behave this way and I would certainly want to be informed.

If you like to be 'that parent' who accepts this vile behaviour and think yourself trendy for doing so, you go right ahead. To me, manners have never gone out of fashion.

Swipe left for the next trending thread