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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd.Lying colleague getting on my nerves.I feel like I'm being a bitch.

62 replies

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 08:10

For over a year now I made a newbie feel welcome.I am considerably older and took them under my wing.We work in a male dominated environment so a bit intimidating for a.young person.Her college have her a dressing down for hardly attending on day release and school constantly gave Her detentions.
Her attendance has been pretty poor and I've pointed out to my manager people need a chance.Her attitude has been poor too although recently it has improved.I think because I had children myself I can see through the bullshit and have backed off defending her.
This week I found out she has been lying to me.
Every day she wants to get out early.It drives me nuts.We have tasks to do that have to be done.For months I have fallen for her tales of period pains and given her pain killers and let her go early.
As I would for anyone struggling.I stopped the pain killers suggesting she bought some.
Then she accidentally admitted she hasn't had periods for a.year due to contraception!!
I am furious.So angry that she has.blatantly lied to me.
I am done now.....covering shifts.when she is I'll considerably more than anyone else on the team.Am I a bitch for dropping her?
My manager has said he can do no more.for her before now.

OP posts:

WhatsMyPassword · 11/09/2019 08:14

Lost with all the drama. What is your AIBU?

The kid is in the big world now. Step away and let your manager, HR etc deal with her. You're totally over involved and over invested in her and her behaviour. Your constant covering up for her has done her absolutely no favours in the long term.

sonjadog · 11/09/2019 08:18

Yes, you should step away from her now. Next time you meet someone like this, don't baby them in this way. They have to step up themselves when they get a job.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 11/09/2019 08:22

Well, no you're not being a bitch. If anything it sounds like you've been a bit overly involved here and while it's always nice to help a new colleague get settled in it does come across that you've taken on some kind of mothering role. Yes she's taken the piss with you but she could only do that because you've allowed it!

Just step back now. Stop being her go to person for tea and sympathy and don't speak for her to management. She's an adult, let her take responsibility for herself.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 08:23

Sometimes like yesterday I had to manage her all day.I find her draining with the constant back chat.I defended her as I feel women should be given a chance and she was 16 when she was.taken on.

OP posts:

WhatsMyPassword · 11/09/2019 08:26

I feel women should be given a chance and she was 16 when she was.taken on.

more eye rolls than I can conjour up< That back fired spectacularly.

Where shes 16 or 66, shes mugged you right off.

We've all told you to step away.

If you havent got the skills to manage her appropriately then either ask for more training, extend the kids probation, or make a disciplinary case. The choice is yours.

SconeofDestiny · 11/09/2019 08:27

I think you've been a bit silly and need to stop treating this young woman as someone to be protected from the harsh realities of work.
I'd be really annoyed if I was a male member of your team and saw you giving preferential treatment to a female member just because they are young and pretty. You seriously risking being accused of sex discrimination.

Likethebattle · 11/09/2019 08:28

It sounds like she doesn’t want to be there hand her over to management to sort out.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 11/09/2019 08:31

She’s in the big wide work, and the sooner she understands that she doesn’t have to work, but she won’t get paid if she doesn’t, the better. Sounds like you need to step back, stop mothering and let her deal with her own consequences

iwantavuvezela · 11/09/2019 08:31

OP - just as an aside be very careful of giving anyone at work any medication even bought painkillers (eg off the shelf) - if anything happened you would be responsible for giving them to her - not sure if your work has rules around this but don’t do this (I realise you were doing it out of concern - but don’t give anyone at work any form of medication )

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 08:32

I think my manager is going to give her a letter of concern for attendance.A couple of the guys like her as she is a fun girl.I feel like a bitter old woman.
I had no such qualms with my own teen dcs.I found it easy to stay strong.

OP posts:

AmIThough · 11/09/2019 08:33

If someone wants to work in an adult environment, they need to act like an adult.

You've been very kind to her. Presumably she's an apprentice and it's a big leap from school to work, but she's taking the piss out of your good nature.

Your boss must respect you a lot to allow her to stay based on your opinions. But they'll start to lose that respect if she's causing more problems than she's fixing.

Take a step back. Don't get involved anymore.
Be professional and nothing more.

RandomFactor · 11/09/2019 08:33

Are you used to line management? It doesn't sound like it. A colleague is frequently under-performing, lies to you, knocks off early, has a poor attitude and a poor attendance record, whines and bitches and talks back to you and can't be depended on to do a good job on her own without constant supervision and direction?
Why would you want her to stay?? Complain to your line manager and let them and HR manage her out of the business. Problem solved.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 11/09/2019 08:33

Is she a student? Ie in your place on a placement

fluffiphlox · 11/09/2019 08:33

Treat her like you would a forty year old.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 11/09/2019 08:34

If we give incompetent/lazy women a chance just because they are women, isn't that going to be counter-productive long-term?

And as she is still young, you'll do her more favours in the long-run if she learns early that others won't pick up her slack or tolerate a bad attitude.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 08:37

Iwant I agree whenever I pointed this out pple told me it's just paracetamol she smokes weed and drinks!!
I have stopped.Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 08:42

Officially I'm not in a senior position.2 people are above me.I will point out the issues when my manager returns after serious family problems.I think my opinion will see her lose her job.No she doesnt.want.to be there.She is an apprentice.

OP posts:

FanSpamTastic · 11/09/2019 08:43

Just treat her like you would any colleague.

If she asks to leave early then point out that there is work to be finished. Ignore any half arsed excuses.

Don't cover up for her. Leave her to sort herself out with management.

If she comes for advise then tell her she is not pulling her weight.

MarySibleysFamiliar · 11/09/2019 08:44

Never pander to that attitude. I know a young woman who should be well settled by now into her working life (early 20's) but didn't think twice about taking a couple of weeks off just a few weeks into her new job.
She knows all of her "rights". The bosses are "just money grabbing bastards". She gets the hump and kicks off when told to put her uniform on properly because another member of staff in a different role wears something not allowed for her. Don't get me started on how "disgusting and discriminatory" the bastards are being by making the smokers walk to the edge of the site to smoke because she shouldn't have to walk in the dark alone (it's fenced in and closed to public so it's not like anyone but staff could be there). She knows her rights ya' know! Same goes for driving her car to work. Staff parking is set back, customer parking is near the building. She has every excuse as to why she needs to be close by.
Sick days are used to the maximum.

This is what happens when new workers are pandered to. I'm not saying someone should be forced to work if ill but a shitty work attitude comes from being allowed one.

OP, stop helping.

Saddler · 11/09/2019 08:50

Leave her to it she'll be found out

annoyingelf · 11/09/2019 08:51

Why are you pointing out any issues to your manager? The issues being that she might've lied about period pain? I say might because I got cramping despite not actually having a period when I was on depo.

Just back off, stop bothering with her. You're not a manager or senior to her "officially" or unofficially. If she's trying to get off early point out to her that you are no different to her so don't have any authority over her and she'll have to ask the boss.

CoraPirbright · 11/09/2019 08:55

I think you need to just step right away. She is obviously young and getting things very badly wrong but just think - there is probably a young person out there who would like this apprenticeship and get stuck in and do a great job! Think about them, not about this silly girl.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 08:59

Thank you.She didn't know what to do after.school so someone suggested our profession.TBH we work long hours so it isn't for everyone.I would say some of her work is good but some slap cash and is poor at taking instructions even from the manager.He admits she answers back to me in a way she wouldn't to him or the other man.
I think she is taking the exam then getting out of it.
The odd thing is she seems to want my job!Literally trying to.step on my toes.Bossy little madam will be gone before me for sure.
I can't believe these arrogant self entitled teens.

OP posts:

Piffle11 · 11/09/2019 09:01

You say you took her under your wing: I think you have blurred the line between colleague and friend, and she has taken advantage. The back chat - this is because she clearly feels she can get away with it. Years ago the office I worked in took on an 18 year old: she got pally with one of the line managers (who I think thought it made them 'cool' to be friends with an 18 year old) , and that was it: they couldn't say anything to her without getting a load of sarky attitude - she seemed to think it was ok as they were 'mates'. She complained about the tasks she was given, lolled around on her desk, returned late from lunch … back off now.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 11/09/2019 09:03

Stop helping her. The more you rationalise and defend her behaviour the more she thinks she's entitled to behave that way. She needs to have the consequences to know that it's not ok. Let your boss deal with her and step back completely. She needs to earn the trust and privileges that you've basically given her on a plate, which is lovely of you, but it's not the best idea.

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