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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd.Lying colleague getting on my nerves.I feel like I'm being a bitch.

62 replies

whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 08:10

For over a year now I made a newbie feel welcome.I am considerably older and took them under my wing.We work in a male dominated environment so a bit intimidating for a.young person.Her college have her a dressing down for hardly attending on day release and school constantly gave Her detentions.
Her attendance has been pretty poor and I've pointed out to my manager people need a chance.Her attitude has been poor too although recently it has improved.I think because I had children myself I can see through the bullshit and have backed off defending her.
This week I found out she has been lying to me.
Every day she wants to get out early.It drives me nuts.We have tasks to do that have to be done.For months I have fallen for her tales of period pains and given her pain killers and let her go early.
As I would for anyone struggling.I stopped the pain killers suggesting she bought some.
Then she accidentally admitted she hasn't had periods for a.year due to contraception!!
I am furious.So angry that she has.blatantly lied to me.
I am done now.....covering shifts.when she is I'll considerably more than anyone else on the team.Am I a bitch for dropping her?
My manager has said he can do no more.for her before now.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 09:06

Annoying....yes I am on the days I run shift.
I have to sign bookwork to say everything is done to the level required on all aspects.So if one person goes it can take me another hour to put everything right.
Interesting about depo thank you.

OP posts:
GrimpenMire · 11/09/2019 09:14

Arrogant entitled teens

Op you are partly responsible for this. You have partly created her!

I know it's not your job but the second she stepped out of what is her role, had you pulled her up, she would not be like this.

I remember my first part time job at a supermarket when I was still at school. The other women I worked with put me under no illusion of what the world of work was about and it put in in good stead for the rest of my life. I was a little shit no doubt but I had my rough edges smoothed off soon enough.

YeOldeTrout · 11/09/2019 09:15

Don't blame yourself for being a nice person.

Yes some people are users & chancers & they can be hard to spot.
Time to firm up & let her face consequences, no more nice concessions.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 09:20

No..my manager is young really and keen for.young pple to get the chance.to shine like he did.
I grew up in the do as you are told or you will get grief and more shit jobs to do.
He came along and let the young ones do our jobs to build their confidence.So a little taste has made her think she is all that.
Meanwhile I am responsible for her on some days.
She had constant detentions at school and her mum has issues and has thrown her out before.

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 11/09/2019 09:22

You seem to have conflicted feelings about her: on one hand you're comparing her to almost being a daughter figure and on the other she's a backchatting entitled job-stealing nightmare.
Her womb pain is neither here nor there. Just detach and stop giving her headspace. She's there on merit, if she fucks it up then so be it.

Sagradafamiliar · 11/09/2019 09:23

How do you know so much about her?

LagunaBubbles · 11/09/2019 09:26

defended her as I feel women should be given a chance and she was 16 when she was.taken on

You're not her Mother but she certainly seen you coming didnt she!

jessycake · 11/09/2019 09:28

I think you have done all you can and given her lots of support , for another young person this might have been the leg up they needed . But there are only so many chances you can give anyone. Perhaps one day she will look back and realise how lucky she was that someone was prepared to believe in her and she squandered it .

boptist · 11/09/2019 09:29

I’m wondering what you see in her that triggered such a maternal/protective response in you. Whatever it was, it hasn’t led to a very healthy dynamic. (Would be a great piece of work with a psychotherapist!).

Claphands · 11/09/2019 09:31

you've been nice to her and of course it feels crap when its thrown in your face, just back off and act as though you haven't noticed how she is, dont help her anymore than you would anyone else and let her manager see whats shes like. if she asks for help, just fob her off by saying something like 'sure, ill just do this first' or ' ive got a lot on atm maybe ask another colleague' .
let her learn what the real world is like!

NigellaAwesome · 11/09/2019 09:32

Her personal circumstances with her mother, and detentions in school are none of your business.

You have really blurred the boundaries, and you need to take a step back and be professional.

Referring to her as a 'bossy little madam' is inappropriate and unprofessional. It's patronising and sexist.

Sagradafamiliar · 11/09/2019 09:34

Well said Nigella.

Herocomplex · 11/09/2019 09:39

If she’s an apprentice she needs clear instruction and feedback. She’s there to learn and develop.
It sounds like she’s done neither, and her disruptive attitude hasn’t been addressed.
She sounds like a very troubled girl, with no sense of how she’s going to make a living for herself. A disaster really.

Dyrne · 11/09/2019 09:39

Another one saying you have gotten way too personally invested in this young woman.

A lot of people a bit useless in their first “proper” job and find the transition from stroppy school pupil to colleague hard. The vast majority of people soon sort their act out and start taking things on board. The trouble is here you’ve not given her any boundaries or expectations and you’ve made excuse after excuse for her - how is she ever meant to get used to the world of work if you persist in treating her like a child?

A PP makes a very good point in that you’ve actually put yourself and the company in a vulnerable position - if they complain she was given special treatment because she’s female (as you’ve admitted here) then they may have a case for sexual discrimination.

You need to step away and let the managers actually manage the situation - if you are given responsibility for her ask if there’s any training you could do (even online) which will help stop you from blurring the boundaries so much again?

madcatladyforever · 11/09/2019 09:55

You have tried your best and good on you for that but the world of employment is a steep learning curve and she now needs to learn the consequences of her actions.
You will have to leave her to it and let her experience the fall out on her own. She will soon learn what is and is not acceptable at work.
Probably painfully.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 09:56

I think I have been misunderstood.She told us about her school life and issues at home.We all let her leave early for the days she had college unaware she was bunking off.( Finishing at 10 then up for an.early start is quite hard).
Personally I feel the managers should read her the riot act regarding her behaviour as they did in regards her training days.
The boss admits he invests too much energy sorting out her issues than any of the rest of us.
We have another apprentice who willingly does as requested.Doesn't back chat or rant behind my back.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 09:59

I haven't given her special treatment.Last winter a male colleague appeared for work unwell as we all do from time to time.One look at him we went him home and told him to rest.

OP posts:
KUGA · 11/09/2019 09:59

I think you should be careful you don`t get into trouble covering for her.
And tell her just that.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 10:05

Thank you madcat.I am a crazy cat lady too😁.I have tried to impart my 30 plus years of advice.Most of the time I've been the only woman in my workplace.I think this will be the case again.I have tried.

OP posts:
StormTreader · 11/09/2019 10:09

"He admits she answers back to me in a way she wouldn't to him or the other man."
"The odd thing is she seems to want my job!Literally trying to.step on my toes."

She sounds like the stereotype of a popular girl, she thinks shes better than you, sees you as competition and wants you gone and to have your higher status job that she thinks she deserves. She doesnt want the job, just the percieved status it would give her in the eyes of the men that work there.

If the little madam goes it'll be better for everyone, let her feel the consequences of her own behaviour by being honest about it.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 10:10

I haven't covered for her.The boss is aware of her behaviour.He is away so she has been shitty since I told her she need to suck up some later nights if people were off.
She doesn't take discipline or instruction well.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 11/09/2019 10:12

You're a nice person and treated her well. Time to back off and let her manage as any other person would. The lying would annoy me too.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/09/2019 10:15

Storm I have seen this before.I have always steadfastly remained.At the moment I'm struggling a bit and under the GP awaiting HRT😔
The men have been supportive telling me to stand up to her.

OP posts:
Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 11/09/2019 10:21

She’s a colleague and not your child.

I’d show her respect as a colleague by having the same expectations of her as I would anyone else.

hairyturkey · 11/09/2019 10:21

I had a student like this once. She told me her dad had died so could only come in for short amount of time and that the college approved it etc. When I spoke to them she hadn't mentioned anything to them, then I saw her after work with her dad! She got expelled from college which I felt bad about but it was really her responsibility to tell the truth.