Weekday Birthday Celebration

[Freespirit24]

Before I write this -rant- I want to acknowledge that there is not much I can do about this situation as I have been pushed into a corner but I just need a good old vent and a AIBU question?

My sister is celebrating her birthday next month and she and her husband have decided that they want to plan a family meal on a Tuesday night!

I am working, dad is working, my husband is working, everyone has to get away early from work or rush home and get showered and dressed quickly, go out for the meal and then come home and up again the next day at 6am for work. This is all while trying to get home in rush hour traffic from London on a weekday!

My sisters husband is insistent that it has to be this night or another week night as this is what suits them. It is just so annoying to constantly tell someone that you do not want to go out after work or with work the next day and be told this is easier for them

I do not see why they cant take an annual leave day for a weekend if they want to celebrate this ocassion so much.

As I write this I have just been informed that it has now been changed to a Monday! If I say I cant go I turn out to the bad one?

Most people work weekdays. Most people are still able to go out for a meal on a weekday evening. Your sister isn't inconveniencing all her friends because they work in the week, you are the only one who has an issue with this.

Your options are

1. Dont go
2. Go but tell them you will be 20 minutes late because you need to shower
3. Go and See if you can leave work 20 minutes early on this one occasion.

I do not know how anyone could possibly work all day, get home at 7pm and be expected to get dressed and be out the door and arrive at a restaurant which takes like 20 minutes to get to and do all that in time?

Blimey. That just sounds normal to me. It's what everybody does when they're invited out. I tend not to drink alcohol if I'm up early next day but otherwise it's not a challenge.

A 7 hour shift? Killer 🙄😂

Ffs, it's a meal close to your home. It'll save you cooking. Get over yourself

Maybe they chose that date knowing you wouldn’t want to attend?

Honestly I would not enjoy having to rush out like this. But everyone knows the rules, when it’s someone else’s birthday, esp your sister. You suck it up and be happy about it. They get to choose what they want and how they want it, that’s sort of the point of a birthday celebration.

Yabvvvu.

What a massive fuss over nothing! People manage it all the time.

Ps. You don’t HAVE to go home and get changed showered!!!! Just go straight form work. Unless you work on a farm or chimney sweeping

I think I would be annoyed if my family wouldnt/couldn't come to a birthday meal because you'll be tired the next day. It's 1 day/evening, go, eat have fun. Go bed early the next night

1. Don't go
2. Go but don't drink if you have a problem with self-control and getting up next day
3. Go but say you'll be late as have to shower

4, Go but forgo the shower unless you work down a mine

1. Don't go and tell them next time to arrange everything around you
2. Leave work early
3. Annual leave / day off in lieu
4. Don't go and let everyone else enjoy themselves without the joy-sucker
5. Sheesh, just DON'T GO

Do you think they've arranged this day as they know you can't possibly attend? Because I do.

I think I am just someone who sees the week for work and weekends for letting my hair down and going out during the week, I wont enjoy myself will have to arrive late and go home and then up at 6am the next day, it is not fun.

I get that OP, and there was a time in my career that I probably felt the same (school teacher). It sounds as though you work hard and that work is hard for you.
So I’m wondering how it feels to read that this is a minority opinion, and that other people sometimes prioritise socialising and leisure?

(Is also like to note that not everyone works in an industry where you can go straight out without a shower first).

Your poor sister.

You’re making a fuss over nothing. Her birthday plans are what works best for her, and possibly a number of people she’s invited (other siblings/parents/friends who don’t strop at the idea of a weekday meal out).
Celebrate with her in good heart or send a gift and excuses, and sulk to your heart’s content

So say 'sorry Sis, meal on Tuesday evening is going to be a bit difficult so rather than turn up late/leave early we'll give it a miss, but would really like to meet up at the weekend for lunch/drinks/dinner to celebrate your birthday'

FFS, it's not rocket science

By the by, I get up at 6 and do a commute to London and a full days work, and then don't get home until 7, and I still manage to go out on a weekday. Admittedly I don't let my hair down as much as I would at a weekend (ahem) but I still manage it. It's just life, and you work around as much or as little as you want to.

Honestly, you're acting like a spoilt brat. Your poor sister having her family make such a fuss over coming out for a meal.

I honestly don't see what the issue is, just this once going getting changed at work. If you're that dirty, take some baby wipes and have a wipe down in the toilet before getting changed.

Or just suck it up for the sake of your sister and do the rush of going home and having a quick shower and out again. She's asking you to do it once in a year.

It's a meal not a rave. You can be home for 11pm latest, that's still 7 hours before getting up again for work. As a one off, you're being selfish.

I think it would be far better for your sister if you don't go, your attitude would only spoil her day.

I am sure you would now not expect her to attend any weekend celebration of yours.

You are being ridiculous and you making life harder for yourself.

You don't want to go, don't go.
You want to go and be a martyr? It's really unfair on your sister.

If you refuse to change at work, and even bring a couple of wipes to clean yourself before getting change - 3 minutes all together top!, then it's your decision.

Your sister wants to celebrate her birthday on her birthday or the day around when it suits her, well duh, of course she should.

Do you REALLY go to bed at 9:30 every night? Even if you do, you can stil leave the restaurant around that time, and be in bed by 10 if that is so important to you.Such a non issue and a lot of drama for nothing.

Are you actually jealous your sister will get attention on her actual birthday!?

their birthday, their celebration, their choice.
If you don't want to go, say you won't be attending and you'll look forward to having a belated meal on another occasion. Entitled much!

@Freespirit24

Free spirit my arse. I have never known ANYONE get so wound up over such a trivial, non-issue! How the F do you cope with life? As a pp said, 'I am guessing you don't have kids,' coz if you did, you would know the stress and frustration of juggling things in life, real fatigue, and trying to be in 2 places at the same time then!

And you have to go home and get showered and changed??? What job do you do? Are you a welder or a brickie, or a fecking miner?

Our DC both have long days in professional jobs, often early starts, so leaving the house at 6.15am, and sometimes not returning til 8pm. When they are invited to a weekday 'do' they sometimes go straight from work, get there about 7-00-7.15pm ish, and then leave at 10 pm ish. Sometimes, they finish work an hour or so earlier to accommodate the night out... And then SHOCKER they manage to get up for work the next day!

In many jobs you can finish an hour or so early and make up the time another day.. My DC do this sometimes when they have something on, on a weeknight. They are in professional jobs though, where they organise their own workload and targets and goals. I can only surmise yours is a bit of low-grade job where you have inflexible hours, and have to answer to everyone in your office?

Unless you are 80, and/or you have mobility problems, or some kind of chronic illness that results in symptoms and meds that make you weary and tired, then YABVVU. I doubt any of that though, as you have SUCH a stressful and demanding job.

FGS just don't GO if it's causing you soooooooo much bother.

As a number of posters have said, you sound mardy, entitled, and miserable, so I doubt you'll be missed.

That is the thing I am not trying to get inflexible. I said I am available any weekend, any day of any week but they are the ones dictating it has to be this certain Tuesday with no room for movement.

@thecatsthecats

I have FANTASTIC news for you, as scientists have now confirmed that this certain Tuesday does in fact count as "any day of the week".

I did LOL at that one ^

Does sound like a hassle. I’d personally take spare clothes to work and change there if attendance meant that much to my hypothetical but you obviously don’t have to go if it doesn’t suit you.

You live/work in London and don’t go out on a week night? Perfectly normal to go for a family meal mid week. If you don’t want to go, don’t

If they work weekends then they will have this inconvenience for pretty much every social occasion, as they do tend to happen on weekends. Twice a year, once for each birthday, is not so crazy. If they make the effort on weekends for you, you should make the effort midweek for them.

Have you considered the possibility that your sister has picked a weekday night that she knows is inconvenient for you in the hope that you won't come?

@Loveislandaddict me too! Got in at 2.30, was up at 6.30 - the world hasn’t ended.

@Freespirit24 you come across as not liking your sibling much and quite miserable, might I suggest you unclench a little and make time for your loved ones, as tomorrow is not guaranteed...

Sheesh! What a mountain you are making out of this. It is perfectly possible to go out for dinner straight from work on a weekday and then go to work the next day. Tons of people do it regularly...and not for a special occasion either!
It's your sister's birthday and this is what she has chosen to do. Either go along with it gracefully or don't go at all.

Oh FGS, if it's that much of a pain, just don't go!