Weekday Birthday Celebration

[Freespirit24]

Before I write this -rant- I want to acknowledge that there is not much I can do about this situation as I have been pushed into a corner but I just need a good old vent and a AIBU question?

My sister is celebrating her birthday next month and she and her husband have decided that they want to plan a family meal on a Tuesday night!

I am working, dad is working, my husband is working, everyone has to get away early from work or rush home and get showered and dressed quickly, go out for the meal and then come home and up again the next day at 6am for work. This is all while trying to get home in rush hour traffic from London on a weekday!

My sisters husband is insistent that it has to be this night or another week night as this is what suits them. It is just so annoying to constantly tell someone that you do not want to go out after work or with work the next day and be told this is easier for them

I do not see why they cant take an annual leave day for a weekend if they want to celebrate this ocassion so much.

As I write this I have just been informed that it has now been changed to a Monday! If I say I cant go I turn out to the bad one?

[Freespirit24]

@Nottheduchess

It is not a round trip, the place where the meal is going to be is near where I stay and we still need to travel a hour and a half home and will not get home until 7pm when the meal is 30 minutes later.

I am really pissed off but its because I have explained the above and its just being ignored.

[thecatsthecats]

Yabvvvvu to whinge about the organisation of an event that isn't about you. If people behave like this, I tend not to mind if they drag their miserable arses to see me or not.

They are potentially unreasonable IF they complain about your non attendance.

But yeah... With your "my sisters birthday should be arranged around me" attitude I doubt they'll be devastated.

Either put in the effort, or graciously decline (if its the latter, you might want to practice a bit, based on your contributions to this thread).

[Whitejasmine]

I’m a SAHM and I don’t really ever go out on a weeknight either. The school mums always seem to want to go for drinks on a Tuesday, why I have no idea. I just don’t go - I’m too old now, I can’t be arsed! I realise I’m boring but I honestly don’t give one. I’d be annoyed if my sister wanted to go out on a weekday too - I’d probably just say it didn’t suit and I think she’d understand.

I never understand why some families feel so obligated to do everything that’s requested of them. Just say no and send a lovely present and card.

[thecatsthecats]

Wait, so it's close to home, you don't need to take time off, and you'd have 30m to get ready after work?

My god. What a primadonna. It could hardly be more convenient for you, yet you expect them to use up AL for it to be perfect. Stop being a mardy brat, and accept that part of life is things not being about you.

[Freespirit24]

@mrsm43s

That is the thing I am not trying to get inflexible. I said I am available any weekend, any day of any week but they are the ones dictating it has to be this certain Tuesday with no room for movement.

I really do disagree with the when its your birthday explanation as for example, my husbands birthday next year was planned on a weekend because all of his friends work and cant go out on a weekday. Same scenario really and when I started discussing his birthday with his friends they all said happy to attend but on a weekend.

[cheeseandbiscuitss]

I would just not go if it doesn't suit you. Arrange your birthday gatherings on a weekend and don't be offended if they can't make it then. Shit happens. My sister is forever arranging things on a Sunday eve as she doesn't work Mondays. I have to suck it up. I arrange mine on a Friday and she has to suck it up.

[Idontwanttotalk]

"What is bothering me is that I have said on a couple of occassions before any table has been booked that a weekday is not convient and that a weekend is better"
And your Sis feels he opposite. A weekday is convenient for her and a weekend is inconvenient.

Just decline the invitation if it is such a problem for you.

[C305]

I genuinely can't believe this is something that you're so worked up about 🙄 You sound like you're just expecting everything to be organised around you & that's a really bizarre attitude to have as an adult. If going out for a meal once a year on a work night is too much effort for you, then don't go, it's quite simple.

[Crunchymum]

You planned your DH birthday meal for a weekend as "all his friends work and cant go out on a weekday" ????

Are you saying you never go out on a week night? and none of your friends go out on a weeknight?

You sound rigid, inflexible and a bit of a killjoy.

[thecatsthecats]

That is the thing I am not trying to get inflexible. I said I am available any weekend, any day of any week but they are the ones dictating it has to be this certain Tuesday with no room for movement.

I have FANTASTIC news for you, as scientists have now confirmed that this certain Tuesday does in fact count as "any day of the week".

[Ginger1982]

"I really do disagree with the when its your birthday explanation as for example, my husbands birthday next year was planned on a weekend because all of his friends work and cant go out on a weekday. Same scenario really and when I started discussing his birthday with his friends they all said happy to attend but on a weekend."

Erm...but this surely suits you too because of everything you've just said? Surely you've planned it for a weekend because a weeknight doesn't suit you.

Given the restaurant is close to where you live and you'd have to be going home anyway and you'd have 30 mins once home to get there, I don't see the issue.

Does your sister work weekends?

[CannonCaboodle]

You sound like a real drama queen. Who cares if your repeated requests have been ignored? It's not all about you. Your sister has asked that you attend her birthday on a day she has chosen that suits her. It doesn't have to suit the rest of the world. Would you book your wedding for say 100 guests based on what suited the majority? Probably not - you'd book the day that suited you and your partner first and foremost - and leave others to book annual leave or reschedule plans etc to attend. It's kind of the same thing here. If you're so keen on being a drama llama, just don't go and send flowers and your excuses (which btw sound a little ridiculous. Plenty of people have long commutes and manage to still attend events on weeknights.)

[Freespirit24]

@crunchymum

In my circle of freinds we would never go out on a week night. It is really tiring, getting up at 6am, travelling 1.5 hours to work, doing a 7 hour shift, travelling the same distance home and by that time you just want to curl up and sleep!

Like I previoulsy said I am not the one being inflexible as I have said I am happy to make myself available on any weekend day and keep that day free. I do not know how anyone could possibly work all day, get home at 7pm and be expected to get dressed and be out the door and arrive at a restaurant which takes like 20 minutes to get to and do all that in time?

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Have you never had a meal out midweek? I’m really struggling to understand the problem. Why not just go straight from work, so you really need to stop off home and change?

[thirstyformore]

Really not a big deal. Lots of people travel 1.5 hours. Lots of people do 7 hour work days. And lots of people also manage to get changed and eat a meal.

I assume you don't have kids......

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

That's a very normal working day. Well 7 hours is a bit short for some people but whatever. Do you honestly never go out on a weeknight?

[Freespirit24]

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

No I havent actually, we have a pretty busy social weekend where we always see and meet friends but they would never suggest coming over on a weeknight.

I need to go home anyways no matter what as I would feel dirty going out and not having a shower first.

[Ginger1982]

"I do not know how anyone could possibly work all day, get home at 7pm and be expected to get dressed and be out the door and arrive at a restaurant which takes like 20 minutes to get to and do all that in time?"

It's a one off FFS. Nobody's asking you to do it every week!

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Tbh OP I think you are being a bit ott- I don’t think it’s that big a demand.

[thecatsthecats]

I do not know how anyone could possibly work all day, get home at 7pm and be expected to get dressed and be out the door and arrive at a restaurant which takes like 20 minutes to get to and do all that in time?

You can't possibly imagine? Really?

No, most people don't do this sort of thing very often. Most people wouldn't be sent into an emotional tailspin for the sake of doing in on the odd occasion though.

On Friday I have to finish and submit a tender, catch up on work I've been leaving behind (7.5h working day), I'm going to the gym, going to sort out the cats before driving up 3h to go to a wedding the following morning.

Some days are busier than others, you know?

[palahvah]

You sound as though you'd be a grump at the meal tbh so I wouldn't bother going. Just send a lovely card with a thoughtful message and a gorgeous present.

[Ginger1982]

Is your sister coming to your big lodge party?

[Freespirit24]

@Ginger1982

Hey no thats justs my husbands friends that are going to that.

[InterestingView]

Mate seriously 2 pages of this?!

Just say no! It's fine. No one will care and it will save you some further pages of being pissed off about something so trivial. As mumsnet would say - no is a complete sentence.

[kmammamalto]

What @c305 said.
Honestly you're so self absorbed you should probably just stay home and do what you do every night. Your sister will have a better time.