Weekday Birthday Celebration

[Freespirit24]

Before I write this -rant- I want to acknowledge that there is not much I can do about this situation as I have been pushed into a corner but I just need a good old vent and a AIBU question?

My sister is celebrating her birthday next month and she and her husband have decided that they want to plan a family meal on a Tuesday night!

I am working, dad is working, my husband is working, everyone has to get away early from work or rush home and get showered and dressed quickly, go out for the meal and then come home and up again the next day at 6am for work. This is all while trying to get home in rush hour traffic from London on a weekday!

My sisters husband is insistent that it has to be this night or another week night as this is what suits them. It is just so annoying to constantly tell someone that you do not want to go out after work or with work the next day and be told this is easier for them

I do not see why they cant take an annual leave day for a weekend if they want to celebrate this ocassion so much.

As I write this I have just been informed that it has now been changed to a Monday! If I say I cant go I turn out to the bad one?

[hellinabreadbasket]

You are aware that working a 7 hour day with a one and a half hour commute isn’t actual in any way unusual?

Seriously lighten up.

[hellinabreadbasket]

And as for your user name...

[easterlemma]

Haha @hellinabreadbasket beat me to it!

I was going to say that your username must be ironic, as you are in fact being quite rigid and not very spirited! I do think that you’re missing out on a lot by refusing to do things mid-week. What’s the worst that could happen? You feel a bit tired the next day and go to bed early?

[BackforGood]

Am really confused.

You said I said I am available any weekend, any day of any week but they are the ones dictating it has to be this certain Tuesday with no room for movement.
but in your other posts you seem to be indicating you would only consider every going anywhere at the weekend

Have other posters got it right? This meal is actually close to where you live? You seem to be posting different things in different posts - talking about having an hour and a half to get home afterwards in one, but then have said it takes 20mins to get to the restaurant

Like most people, I don't understand why this has got you so worked up. People can celebrate their birthday in whatever way they want, on whatever day they want. You can then either go, or say "Sorry, I can't make it, hope you have a lovely time". It isn't anything to get worked up about.

Nor can I understand why you feel it is an impossibility to go to the meal from the train station, or driving directly there (not sure how you commute). I wouldn't want to do it 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year, but for the odd occasion, what's the issue ?

[Ginger1982]

@BackforGood I think this is right... the OP has a 90 min commute home from work. She gets home at 7pm. The meal is at 7.30pm roughly 20 mins away from her home.

[yearinyearout]

Sounds like most people think YaBU but you still don't want to accept it. Plenty of people go for meals on a weeknight, it's not like you're going clubbing until 3am. Added to that, it's pretty normal for people to arrange things to suit themselves on their birthday, not to inconvenience themselves to please others.

[Blackandwhitehorse]

I need to go home anyways no matter what as I would feel dirty going out and not having a shower first.

This is madness, people go out straight from work all the time. Especially considering your username! Just go it’s not a regular event!

[Notajogger]

I came here to say you werent BU but you’re actually being very stubborn, not even considering suggestions and a bit rude... you have no intention of even trying. Just don’t go if you don’t want to
This.

Also as I would feel dirty going out and not having a shower first. - you are making this into a problem for yourself. No one will know or care if you've had a shower.

[Newmumatlast]

I dont understand the up at 6am, 1.5hr commute, 7 hr working day but not home until 7pm. Working backwards that would mean 5:30pm finish, meaning 10:30am start (7 hour day) and leaving your house at 9am in the morning. How does it take 3 hrs to get ready in the morning to leave? And even if you have not counted your lunch break and so your day is 8 hours, that's still 2 hours to get ready. Personally I dont think you have it bad. That's not exactly an epic commute and your work day is average length. It's also a one off, not every week. I've agreed to go to a friend's house for dinner before on a weekday when I've had to be up at 4am to get to a work venue 5 hours away, work for the day, drive 5 hours back and just get back to theirs for the evening (albeit late due to my commute and I was able to leave work around 3pm). Wasn't even a birthday. It depends how much you care about the person I guess and you could not change or just freshen up so that you get there but it's less stressful for you.

[MorganKitten]

It’s her birthday not yours....

[fibrecruncher]

Dear op, your username is a bit of an oxymoron
It's their birthday...

[PawPawNoodle]

Wow 7 whole hours working per day, how do you cope?

There could easily be a thread about someone's completely inconsiderate sister arranging a meal on their sacred weekend time, depriving them of time with their children/mowing the lawn/having their ritualistic Saturday wankathon.

Ultimately people have different priorities and it's usually an expectation that when its someones birthday, especially someone you love, you make an exception to the usual monotony of your life to spend time with them.

It's not tit for tat but I've done an 8 hour work day in a town 2 hours drive away, sat in M25 traffic for an extra 3 hours and got back for a birthday party because funnily enough I wanted to celebrate with them. I just arrived when I got there in my work clothes.

[hopefulhalf]

So just arrive 15 mins late. Don't drink and leave at 10:30, I too fail to see the issue here. It's your sister birthday FFS.

[Thehop]

Just decline the invite?

[ZenNudist]

YABU but neither or they. It's an event not a summons, you dont have to go.

[whywhywhy6]

Wow. Just go. Or don’t. But it’s really not worth the extended discussion or your angst.

[SD1978]

I don't believe you've answered anyone- unless I missed it. They work weekends, and evenings but the Sou d if it, but you believe they should take annual leave to accomodate you for their birthday? You do sound a tad inflexible- this is a rare night out during the week. Do t like, don't go. Boone is making you go home and shower first, and unless your job is particularly physical and sweaty, I doubt you're dirty by the end of the day. If you find going that much of an issue......don't. Sorted and then she's not spending the evening and meal with someone who is miserable they bedtime is past 8pm.......

[siriusblackthemischieviouscat]

Date and time is set to suit the Birthday girl/boy not the guests.

I take it you celebrate on a weekday then as you are considering that this is easier for your sister and her husband who works weekends? No I didn't think so. You want it always to suit you.

If you really wanted to go you would take a change of clothes and go right from work. As a family we have often celebrated birthdays with meals after work and nobody has ever created such a fuss. Admittedly nobody I knows has a 90 minute commute but I'm not sure that would affect our plans except for maybe start time.

You clearly don't want to celebrate with her that much so don't go. Your sour face won't be missed.

Yabu.

[Icantthinkofanynewnames]

I clicked YANBU by accident but actually I think you are. Just don’t go or simply take a change of clothes and go right from work. No point complaining about it because someone else won’t book their birthday celebration to suit you! Why on earth should they take annual leave to have it at the weekend just for your benefit? You can make it, you’re just being unnecessarily difficult. Just say no or take a change of clothes and stop making everything about yourself!

[clucky3]

That is the fine why should I be the one to book A/L when I am not the one wanting to celebrate?

If you don't want to celebrate then don't bloody go. There's no obligation and it clearly doesn't suit you.

[NearLifeExperience]

Fucking hell, you think other people’s birthdays should revolve around you?

YABVU

[NewPapaGuinea]

I think you’ll survive being inconvenienced this one off. Such a non-issue. Just warn them you’ll be late if it’s so difficult.

[Shoxfordian]

Yabu
I do the same commute time as you and I sometimes go out after work. Get over yourself

[Bellsofstclements]

Don't go, I don't think anyone will miss seeing you and your mardy attitude.