These type of threads come up regularly on mn.
I'm with you op
I don't answer the door unless I definitely know I'm expecting someone.
I live in a flat that has buzzer entry. I'm also currently housebound (MH issues) and very quickly after moving in (wasn't completely housebound at that point but rarely went out) the first lead up to Christmas my new neighbours (who hadn't even bothered saying hello first!) twigged I was mostly home and had their Christmas deliveries defaulting to ours - was annoying enough with usual parcels but when I got landed with a large piece of furniture enough was enough! I stopped taking neighbours parcels then - and no I don't expect them to take mine either.
There's a special entry thing for the postman BUT he's supposed to use it before 11am, new postman couldn't seem to get his head around that meaning I was getting buzzed EVERY DAY to let him in around lunchtime! My sleep isn't great so I'm normally asleep at this time PLUS I'm physically disabled and so not the quickest to answer and he was impatient and buzzing 2/3/4 times before I could reach the sodding intercom! Lost the head with him eventually and told him to pack that in! Called the Royal Mail office (at this point I didn't know how it worked for him accessing our block) to find out what the situation was and was told he was SUPPOSED to access before 11am and he CERTAINLY Shouldn't be buzzing, buzzing, buzzing!
Then about 2 weeks ago? Dd and I settled for the night, not expecting anyone...some twat buzzes at 1125pm!! Not even just once! But twice! And then with it going a second time I answer (if only to tell them to bugger off!) nobody there! Not a weekend night so I don't think someone pissed and got wrong place but who knows!
Really bloody annoying though!!
Nat6999 - I am very strict about who I let in - that's the whole point! But I've had times where the caller or neighbours have got arsey about me not letting people in - and that's even though we've had several breakins! (Rough area) have you had that issue?
The only thing with a buzzer entry and only a tiny slot to display name is I can't put up a "no cold callers" notice - wish I could!!
We get em ALL - sales people, religious, politicians... Argh!
So no YANBU at all - especially the kid and the dogs, as you say your kids are grown and off at this point you want to chill once you're home from work.
My parents wouldn't let us call on people like that without the people we'd be knocking at saying it was ok. I'm 47 so my childhood very much pre-empted mobile phones BUT there were rules/manners about knocking for friends - never before 9am or after 9pm, never at mealtimes and never if someone in their household was unwell/recovering from injury. Fair enough I think.
The places we lived usually had a park or green where the kids would meet up to hang out/play after about age 12 we'd deny we were playing but we were 😂) so not really necessary to call on each other but we would if we were out and nobody else had come out and we were bored (or about to batter annoying siblings 😂)
"Same for phones - landline and mobile. Don't know the number? We don't answer. If it was important they'd leave a voicemail. They never do." I WISH I could do this (have raised the issue on mn before)
I have elderly/sick relatives and our local hospitals etc come up as "number withheld/not known" plus this also means I don't like to put my phone on completely silent. I'm a light sleeper so vibrate is enough to wake me but if a call isn't important it doesn't fully wake me if that makes sense? Rouses me enough to check the details, MAYBE answer in case it is one I need to take but if I know without answering (because it's from a country I don't have family/friends in) it's spammy I just silence it completely and go back to sleep. If it was on properly I'd be properly woken (that's very convoluted hopefully you lot know what I mean)
Some of my loved ones are in other countries too so I can't even just block international calls. Couple days ago a call at 5.45am from sodding Switzerland! Wtf!!
"I don't expect DH to inform me every time he places an internet order, so it would make me a bit of a twat to ignore the door because it isn't my parcel being delivered."
To be fair I think most people when they say "unless I'm expecting something" mean unless the delivery or whatever is for a person in their household.
My dd does as a courtesy let me know when she's ordering something so I know to answer and take it in. But I refuse to take in deliveries for neighbours and delivery drivers can be really sneaky/aggressive! I've had them tell me it's for me/my household and then I've realised after I've taken possession of it it's not! I've even had them try to throw parcels I'm refusing to take into my hallway!
So now I check through the peephole too!
If they weren't such arses about these things we wouldn't have to be so strict!
"I always answer my door. Everybody I know answers their door. I wish I had such a terribly important life like most people on Mumsnet pretend to that I would be too busy to spend 20 seconds taking in a parcel like a normal human being" well aren't you LUCKY that FOR YOU it isn't an issue. For ME (and I'm sure the other pps have their own reasons too!) answering the buzzer is DIFFICULT both physically and mentally. I have a physical disability that means both that it's painful AND I am not exactly speedy! I also don't cope well mentally with unexpected events - but people who we know are calling either know this because they know me/us or if it's a delivery I've advised them in the notes that it can take me a wee while and to be patient.
It's NOT about me thinking I'm "more important" than the callers or my neighbours and frankly that insinuation is bloody insulting to those of us with good reasons to not answer the door. But that my health means it IS difficult it IS inconvenient! Especially that first Christmas when on one occasion I had EIGHT deliveries for other people in one day! It's ridiculous!
I have experienced delivery drivers and neighbours apparently thinking THEIR needs ARE "more important" than my difficulties though - suspect you are of this ilk!
"To those who do this, I ask, have you never had an emergency where help from your neighbour would really really get them out of a hole?" Only when there was a fire and then a scream through the letterbox worked fine! Absolutely NO NEED for people to regularly call on others unannounced!
I've helped many in need as an ex nurse, I've performed cpr and other first aid on neighbours etc but using that scenario as an excuse why people "must" answer their doors is ridiculous! In an emergency you can of course also phone, knock more insistently - if a GENUINE emergency.
But let's be honest - most of the time it's not! Most of the time it's cold callers/religion/politics/deliveries not for your household.
Off topic but can I also say I also really get annoyed at mners who don't organise a proper username! This user12345 nonsense gets on my nerves.
Not everyone has nice neighbours either! Mine are shit! I never once got thanked for all those parcels I took in, got moaned at for not realising one should have come as 2 parcels and only 1 had been delivered (1 how the hell was I supposed to know and 2 it's not my bloody responsibility!!) and the ones above me are noisy selfish gits who I've had to get police involved to stop harassing/threatening me!
GingerIvy - those ones above me I've had similar issues (forgetting their buzzer key and buzzing me, their callers buzzing me) why do they do this?! So rude!!
I've had great neighbours in other places I've lived. They ASKED first before arranging deliveries to my address if that was more convenient for them, said thanks, did favours for me too and were lovely to dd. They didn't call round without at least a quick text first and were patient with me taking time to answer door.
"Suzie, the local Kingdom Hall should take you off the list for JWs." SHOULD! They don't always - I've called and told them 3 times now and still get buzzed by them! AND even if it's not me buzzes them in they knock at the flat door too!