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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my 6yo DS in year 2 should have his shirt tucked in for school

118 replies

justbeingadad · 10/09/2019 18:17

As the title. AIBU to make my son go to school with his shirt tucked in?

The school doesn't seem to have a rule regarding this.

Context, he doesn't like tucking it in, probably because he's never been made to. His mother is adamant he shouldn't have to tuck it in. I think he should as it looks really sloppy (to the point of it reflecting badly on us as parents if we can't even dress our DS "properly").

OP posts:

pointythings · 10/09/2019 19:35

Pick your battles. Focus on achievement and behaviour, not superficial appearances. Maybe relax a little bit too?

Anothernotherone · 10/09/2019 19:42

LemonScentedStickyBat exactly.

All German children go to school in jeans, t shirts and trainers, but they are far, far more uptight about formal business wear in the office and have no problems wearing uniform in uniformed services.

There is no causative relationship between uniform wearing at school and in professional life, nor between uniform wearing at 6 and at secondary school.

This is most certainly all about justbeingadad 's relationship with his ex and nothing at all about actually believing that a child who doesn't tuck in a shirt at 6 will become constitutionally incapable of doing so in later life.

Beresford · 10/09/2019 19:42

@justbeingadad I’m quite surprised by all these responses. My daughter is 5 and I ask her to tuck her shirt in every morning before school. I didn’t think it was that unusual, and it was definitely expected of me when I was at school! I’m not particularly precious about uniform either, I’m one of those Mums who lives for non-iron tunics/trousers.

TheJellyBabyMadeMeDoIt · 10/09/2019 19:48

One bath a week isn't going to kill him so I'll go with that.

6 yo DD, untucked shirt, 1-2 baths a week. Usually one.

MustShowDH · 10/09/2019 20:02

Arsenal manager, George Graham once substituted Michael Thomas for not tucking his shirt in when he went on in the second half. For GG, it wasn't the shirt, it was about obeying his manager.

I'd pick your battles. Say 'could you tuck your shirt in please,' but don't stress if he doesn't. The fact that you are asking will indicate that you see it as important.

As for the tone of your replies on this thread, you might want to look at how you come across in written communication. Like you say, impressions count.

64sNewName · 10/09/2019 20:09

@Beresford I don’t think anyone is suggesting it’s unusual to ask your child to tuck in their shirt.

What people are saying is that it’s not going to (as the OP said) make people judge your parenting if your six-year-old has an untucked shirt, and it’s definitely not important enough to get into a proper disagreement with the other parent over it, to the point of a clearly not very light-hearted AIBU.

slithytove · 10/09/2019 20:09

My kids go in unironed

dollydaydream114 · 10/09/2019 20:10

Just waiting for another thread where some poor mum says “I left my ex because he was controlling and uptight and now he is enforcing petty rules on our six-year-old to get back at me and telling me I don’t dress him properly. AIBU to tell him what a jumped-up twat he is?”

Idontwanttotalk · 10/09/2019 20:15

I'm with you on this OP and would want any children of mine to be presentable. I think you've probably asked on the wrong forum as, judging from the threads on ironing, it appears that most MNers don't iron so MN children probably don't look remotely presentable.

I've seen stuff in the past that said that in the work environment, where people have dress down Friday, workers are less productive. Following that logic your child may pay more attention in class when dressed appropriately.

If you want him to tuck his shirt in then ask him to. Even if he comes home with it untucked, you may feel better yourself for knowing he started out looking presentable.

aintnutinchanged · 10/09/2019 21:13

I agree with op my 2 girls go out with shirts tucked in and do believe it's good to take pride in your appearance- but op PLEASE bathe your son more Han once a week 😂😂

Original poster

justbeingadad · 10/09/2019 22:50

Don't worry @aintnutinchanged he is showered daily!

All these arguments of, does it matter, pick your battles and does it affect his education are completely missing the point. Of course not. Does tidying the "toy" room improve anything, does me asking him to make his bed improve anything, does me asking him to hang up his towel improve anything, does him taking his plate from the table to the kitchen improve anything? Absolutely not, does him saying please, or thank you improve anything? No. But these are all expected things. Quite why expecting that my DS should not look like a slob dressed by slobs (and yes, I am judging anyone who sends their kids in untucked shirts to school) should be any different I don't actually understand. I'm not saying I'm right for thinking an untucked shirt always equals a slob but that's my impression at 8:45 in the school yard.

Are you the same parents who suggest that children shouldn't have table manors because they are only 6, or shouldn't be expected to sit at a table while having a meal in a restaurant because they are only 6? When is it acceptable?

OP posts:

Makirocks23 · 10/09/2019 22:56

He is 6, he is a child. Children are meant to run, play and explore not think about there appearance.
My children are constantly a bit scraggy but they have fun and yes they do have a bath every night. I also don’t give a crap what anyone else thinks
Think how much effort it would take for a 6 year old to keep his shirt tucked in, he would have to walk round carefully all day, sounds loads of fun!

Makirocks23 · 10/09/2019 22:58

Oh and my children say please and thank you and have great table manners! They are also kind, considerate and loving but I suppose that doesn’t matter if they look unkempt

Original poster

justbeingadad · 10/09/2019 23:05

@Makirocks23

Slight misrepresentation here. I have no care in the world if he keeps his shirt tucked in. My point is that when he leaves the house he should have his shirt tucked in, ideally when he gets to school, but beyond that I don't care. My job is to dress him appropriately for school and I believe that includes him having his shirt tucked in.

OP posts:

Mishappening · 10/09/2019 23:07

Gosh - if you are stressing about this now, how are you going to cope when he is a teenager!?

Leave him be. If the school choose to pick him up on it, then so be it.

You are too concerned about what other people think; and insufficiently concerned to allow your son to be a child while he has the chance. His job is not to make you proud; it is to live his life as himself.

The stuff about not washing etc. is known as catastrophising!

Give that boy a hug and make him feel good about himself - that is your job as a parent, never mind his shirt!

sweetiepie1979 · 10/09/2019 23:17

Phew this is intense!

Original poster

justbeingadad · 10/09/2019 23:44

@tempnamechange98765

Okay, so Where's the line?

He doesn't want to take his dirty plate to the kitchen is that OK? He doesn't want to hang up his towel is that OK? He does t want to wear his school shoes but rather his trainers, his school isn't going to say anything but it's against dress code, is that OK?

I'm sorry but you're basically saying let the child rule and make the rules.

I'm not saying that tucking your shirt in for a 6yo is critical, but the reasons I've seen on this thread are beyond unconvincing and bordering ridiculous.

I fully agree I shouldn't be doing this for other peoples approval. But I feel judged when all the other children are so well presented.

OP posts:

64sNewName · 10/09/2019 23:45

Why start an AIBU thread at all, though, if you absolutely cannot entertain the possibility that you might be being unreasonable? 🤔

I mean, you’re actually inventing things random people here might believe, just so that you can rant at them. And your arguments are pure rhetorical bluster.

Off to bed. I hope the Shirt Wars will end with minimal bloodshed.

Sunflowers211 · 10/09/2019 23:48

I actually get it @justbeingadad
It's natural to want them to look neat and tidy and take pride in their appearance, I think they look a lot better tucked in, I refuse to leave the house until it is. I know once he is at school he will untuck it regardless, my DS is only 8 and is far more concerned about the way he looks than his elder siblings. I don't think it reflects badly as a parent. Sending them in dirty uniforms, food all over and looking neglectful is what teachers look out for.

Original poster

justbeingadad · 10/09/2019 23:49

@64sNewName

Totally accept I'm not the norm here. But I don't agree overall.

Tbh, a man could say anything literally anything here and be wrong.

Thats not the point though, I was half expecting some sensible arguments

OP posts:

Lily2811 · 10/09/2019 23:51

Can't believe there's a thread about whether a 6yo should tuck his shirt in isn't there more important things to be worrying about?

Original poster

justbeingadad · 10/09/2019 23:55

@Sunflowers211
Yeah you're right, my food comment was somewhat tongue in cheek, but also aimed at the "does it affect their learning" argument, which clearly it doesn't. My DS drew on his shirt, intentionally or otherwise lady year and his mother made him go to school in it for the rest of the year. Personally I did not agree and thought we should have bought a new shirt but she was adamant that it was his fault for being clumsy with a pen. I have pretty strong (you'd never have guessed) opinions on looking presentable. Given we have the means, I think it's almost an insult to not send our kids to school as best as they can be.

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 11/09/2019 00:00

YABU my DS also wears shirt & tie in primary school. It starts off tucked in but comes untouched very quickly.
In secondary school I used to get all kids to tick shirts in as per school rule and as soon as they got round the corner it would be untucked.
You'll drive yourself mad trying to enforce this. Pick your battles. There will be bigger things along the parenting journey to worry about.

IsobelRae23 · 11/09/2019 00:00

Ds19 Always had his tucked in. Ds14 has never liked it tucked in. Do I care what other parents think about it? No. I care about whether my children work hard in school, have good manners, are not bullies, include all children so no one is left out, don’t swear and don’t answer adults back.

As I’ve succeeded on each one of those, ds can wear his shirt how he please 😁

Original poster

justbeingadad · 11/09/2019 00:19

Hmm. Curious point. Why shouldn't children answer adults back? My children can question me as much as they feel they want to. I do stop them at some limits but ultimately they can question me as much ad they want as long as they are being polite. I don't set different boundaries for the way they can speak to their parents peers (children) or adults.

OP posts:

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