To think my 6yo DS in year 2 should have his shirt tucked in for school

[justbeingadad]

As the title. AIBU to make my son go to school with his shirt tucked in?

The school doesn't seem to have a rule regarding this.

Context, he doesn't like tucking it in, probably because he's never been made to. His mother is adamant he shouldn't have to tuck it in. I think he should as it looks really sloppy (to the point of it reflecting badly on us as parents if we can't even dress our DS "properly").

I'm not in a strop and I know I'm a bit uptight about it.

But using arguments like "does it impede his learning" is ride because so many "bad" things don't which you'd never let happen.

I won't reply because I get the jist and I've been proven wrong which is fine.

I always tuck my son’s shirt in because I think it looks nicer, he then untucks it and puts his jumper on. Whatever. Pick your battles and stresses OP, there are many much bigger things to get annoyed about.

He’s 6. He’ll learn best if he’s comfy. I work in a school and I can’t tell you which of the children in my class had their shirts tucked in today and which ones didn’t. It’s simply not on my radar.

OP this isn’t the hill to die on. There is/will be a great deal more hills much more worthy.

Why do you care what other people think so much about a shirt? Your DS doesn’t exist to make you look good and frankly, not one sane person will judge you on your DS wearing an untucked shirt.

Are you and his mother together?

Your DS doesn’t exist to make you look good

This is key, I think. It sounds rather as if this is mainly all about the OP’s self-image.

FGS the kid is six. Let it go. What a bizarre thing to fixate on.

I'm with you on this one, OP, 100 %.
Looking presentable and taking pride in their appearance has to start early.
My girls go to school very neat, collars spray-startched, shoes polished.
They know is part of the big picture.

We're separated, but live together.

I should probably clarify, my son doesn't massively object if I encourage him to.

@blueblu

Thanks. I'm not anal in general about dress etc, I just think looking presentable starting school is quite an important thing.

We're separated, but live together

So, you're trying to point score and prove that you're the 'better' parent. Get over yourself.

Honestly, truly - tiny children still look perfectly presentable with untucked shirts.

And as your school has no policy about this, surely it’s pointless to insist on manufacturing conflict over it.

My DD started her schooling in Spain where most schools dont have uniforms so when we moved here just getting her to put the uniform on was a battle. I wasnt going to start arguing about whether her shirt was tucked in or her tie done properly, I was just glad she had it on.At age 6 you dont want to make uniform a battle as it just makes mornings stressful.

It would be one thing if the school were strict on shirts being tucked in but since they're not I'd let it go. I'm sure that as they get further up the school and into secondary they get stricter but most people appreciate that 6 year olds will not keep their shirts tucked in for more than about 5 minutes, and a lot dont have the dexterity or coordination to tuck their shirt in properly (my DD could tuck the front in but the back would still be hanging out) so have decided to not enforce it.

Yeah I strongly suspected so OP. How often do you do the getting ready for school?

My ds is year 11. He still won't tuck his shirt in 🤷‍♀️
He's just taken a gcse at 14yo and achieved a 7.

He's also a successful athlete.

I'm pretty sure it hasn't affected him and certainly isn't a reflection of parenting. I doubt he'll ever tuck it in!

using arguments like "does it impede his learning" is ride because so many "bad" things don't which you'd never let happen.

What are the other bad things you have in mind? Are you referring back to the covered in mud/food/unwashed false equivalents you put forward earlier?

Do you honestly not see that there is a really significant difference there?

A child being routinely filthy is a distraction at least - at worst, a possible sign of neglect. It matters. A child with an untucked shirt is entirely normal and not a distraction. It doesn’t really matter. It might make a neat person twitch but it isn’t worth falling out over.

I have lived with a partner post-separation, long-term. I do sympathise; it’s really hard sometimes. But if you let this kind of total and complete trivia work up tension between you and your ex, it’s going to be pointlessly hard on your child(ren). You need to work even harder at letting small stuff go if you’re all sharing space.

He’s 6.. if he makes it home without snot wiped on his sleeve he’s doing grand. It is not comparable to sending him in dirty clothes in any shape way or form. He is a child, it’ll untuck itself or he’ll untuck it himself and possibly if he’s not 100% reliable won’t tuck it back in himself and no one will remind him because it’s not a fashion show.

You’re uptight, it’s not a contest at who’s best, it’s his happiness and comfort that matter Jesus.

When you get him ready, you tuck it in and when your stbxw gets him ready she can leave it untucked.
Sorted

After I'd been teaching a few years, Ioved to a new school. Both the previous schools I'd been in were strict about children coming into assembly with shirts tucked in, so I duly made sure all my new charges tucked in their shirts. Three parents complained that their DC (Y4!) had been asked to tuck in their shirts. .

I make my own DC tuck in at the beginning of the year when the shirts are on the large side, but not as they grow into them a bit more.

My son is in Year 2 and I make him tuck his shirt in. The head does ask them to if they haven't.

I also will let him not get washed all week because that's what would happen if we didn't enforce it. One bath a week isn't going to kill him so I'll go with that.

Hahahaha, cool, cool, cool, no doubt.

Let me apologise on behalf of the denizens of Mumsnet for not all agreeing but YES! Of course your son's shirt should be tucked in. The world is going to hell in a handbasket and these scruffy six year olds are just swanning around without a care in the world. Shirts untucked, lollygagging. It's an absolute joke.

Better?

Don't put expectations on a 6 year old just because they will be expected to at secondry. My youngest just started secondry and is a completely different child to how he was at 6. He struggled to read and write at 6, failed his phonics test fast forward to end of year 6 he was one of the top if his year in those skills. He was silly, giddy, didn't tuck his shirt in, came home covered in paint, dinner and mud. At 6 in was in his own little world centered round him, now he is the first to help others and put them first. I didn't pressure him at 6 to make those changes they happened gradually over tne years as he grew. At secondry he is smart, tucks his shirt, polisheshorts his shoes and does not come home coveted in paint dinner etc. Don't put secondry school expectations on a 6 year old, it's inappropriate and unfair.

Well, you can tuck it in if you want. It'll last 5 seconds, but no harm tucking it in.

Hahahaha, cool, cool, cool, no doubt

LMAO :D

I moved

Have you ever seen an undergraduate going to lectures...yet they seem to be able to work out how to dress appropriately for job interviews when they graduate. Most people are capable of dressing for the occasion. You don’t really need to practise it at six years old.