To think my 6yo DS in year 2 should have his shirt tucked in for school

[justbeingadad]

As the title. AIBU to make my son go to school with his shirt tucked in?

The school doesn't seem to have a rule regarding this.

Context, he doesn't like tucking it in, probably because he's never been made to. His mother is adamant he shouldn't have to tuck it in. I think he should as it looks really sloppy (to the point of it reflecting badly on us as parents if we can't even dress our DS "properly").

[Mamabear144]

Compromise and tuck it up into his jumper, he'll feel like its not tucked in and he'll look like it is

[youarenotkiddingme]

You carry on judging parents who send their children to school with shirts out.

You judge me daily of it makes you feel better.

I'll carry on sending my child to school with it untucked whilst being grateful he's attending after trying hang himself at 11 so he never had to go to school again.

He's learnt many many valuable skills these past 3 years. He's come so far it's phenomenal.
He's clean, well cared for and loved.

But he cannot focus with his shirt in 🤷‍♀️

One day you'll realise that it's judgemental twist like you who end up the most judged.

[BogglesGoggles]

It is good to teach him how how to dress properly. Otherwise he’ll be one of those people who turns up to an interview with an untucked shirt.

[Drogosnextwife]

I'm interested to hear about the people who think their parents being strict caused anxiety. I feel like my parents were too casual and let me control things too much, so this could be why I feel like some childhood discipline is not a bad thing.

Do you think that is why you are still so controlling?

[Drogosnextwife]

I’m not sure it’s that massive a strangulation hazard Drogo since millions of children do it and I’ve never heard of a serious case (I assume it occasionally happens, but not in the numbers that would constitute massive risk). I would also struggle to judge the parenting who sent their child to a good local school where they were happy but which had ties in the uniform rather than commuting to the other side of town or reluctantly homeschooling.

You have your opinion, I have mine. Mine is almost as ridiculous as the OPs, but mine makes more sense. Shirt tucked in, no difference to shirt not tucked in. Tie around a small child's neck, potential strangulation hazard, no tie around a small child's neck, not so much of a strangulation hazzard 🤷‍♀️

[Drogosnextwife]

Tbh, a man could say anything literally anything here and be wrong.

Bullshit

[Croquembou]

Tbh, a man could say anything literally anything here and be wrong.

Then, frankly, why not go hang out on a different website. Maybe one not called Mumsnet.

[Stixkystick]

@justbeingadad

I’d check all your other parenting when he is with you - do you cook him healthy food, do you insist he brushes his teeth, do you get him to bed at a decent hour, do you support him by listening to him read and when he tries to learn his times tables, do you spend good quality time with him without being on your phone etc - and THEN get to stressing about shirts being tucked in. There are more important things with more important long term consequences than that.

[purpleboy]

Im totally With you op. I see no reason why children shouldn't look presentable. I think parents and children should both take pride in their appearance. I often see a correlation between smart looking parents and their children and scruffy looking parents and their children. I guess it's the difference between people who view it as important and those who don't. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with either opinion but I personally prefer dc and I to look presentable.

[MrsBertBibby]

This isn't about my and his mother.

So why mention her? It very clearly is.

I've spent 25 years doing divorce, I am pretty good at spotting the toxic fighters of both genders. Please, don't be one.

[CheshireChat]

Also, lots of countries don't have a uniform at all, let alone shirts and ties in primary and they still do perfectly fine at school and beyond.

Mind you, I have a rather vain 4yo who prefers his shirt ironed

[Bookworm4]

@MrsBertBibby
Absolutely spot on!!!
Wish my DP exW could read that, her bitter pettiness is exhausting.

[Bookworm4]

If you’re so concerned make sure you get him ready and to school every day. To call people slobs for untucked shirts is just nasty and an obvious dig at his mum, no wonder you’re separated, you sound like an uptight judgy cock.

[justbeingadad]

@Stixkystick

No.

[justbeingadad]

Okay, I understand the points everyone has made. This isn't about my and his mother. Maybe I missed the point on this, but given the school's rules is that everyone wears shirts and tie etc (it's an elastic tie, not a proper tied tie) I think it's important for him to take some self-pride in his appearance.

I don't "make" him and I simply tell him he looks much smarter if he does tuck it in, sometimes he does.

I'm interested to hear about the people who think their parents being strict caused anxiety. I feel like my parents were too casual and let me control things too much, so this could be why I feel like some childhood discipline is not a bad thing.

As a lot have said, there are more important battles to pick and this isn't a battle, I just feel that being well presented is important.

@tempnamechange98765 really sorry, no idea what happened.

[Stixkystick]

OP does your DS wear a green red and grey uniform by any chance?

[MouseInATelescope]

Should see my 7 year old after re-dressing himself after PE it's comical collar is half out, jumper half way up his tummy with tee sticking out. When he was 4/5/6 evrything would be back to front, shoes on the wrong feet! Vast majority of his class got it right!

Should not be an issue in primary at all.

[Fudgenugget]

My daughter is 13, Y8. She has never tucked her blouse in. She covers it with a school jumper and blazer and looks smart. Her school is crazy about the uniform and she hasn't yet got a detention for looking out of place.

@justbeingadad I think you are too focused on the small stuff. You are bringing up an anxious boy, or he will be, if you keep this up. My family placed a lot of emphasis on public appearances and how things reflected upon them, and now I have had bouts of anxiety and depression in part because of it. Is it any wonder that I give my kid so much freedom with her personal choices? I don't think so. This isn't about the shirt, or the bath, but it IS about your relationship with your son's mother.

Pick your battles. One of my big parenting challenges is, is this worth making a huge fuss over? Because of my upbringing, I am prone to get angry with my daughter over, say, leaving her underwear on her bedroom floor. But I have learned to take a step back, breathe, and ask myself if it's worth an argument. Usually, it's not.

[StroppyWoman]

MrsBert
Well said!

OP, your posts are all about you - you judging the appearance of others, you feeling judged, you wanting your poor wee 6yo to reflect will on Brand You in the schoolyard.

Stop it.
He’s a very young child; in the parts of the world 6yos attend school the vast majority don’t wear uniforms and most of those that do are based on practical clothes for playing and learning. Those children grow up perfectly able to fit into the world as adults.

[MrsBertBibby]

OP, I'm a divorce lawyer. I am begging you, on my hands and knees, to stop this nonsense. You are shaping up to make your divorce bitter and very expensive. People (women too) like you enrich my employers and burn their money on ridiculous fights over utter garbage. Don't do it! Stop seeing things so black or white. Concentrate on what your ex does well, do what you do well, and think, every day, how your actions affect your child's happiness.

It doesn't matter if his shirt is tucked or untucked, it matters that his parents can swallow their differences, treat each other with respect, and ensure that his childhood is not trashed by their hatred of each other. He loves you both. Don't abuse that.

You and your ex need to get along for the rest of your lives because your child needs that. He will, no doubt, graduate, marry, have kids, have their parties and all that. Do you really want to have to miss half of those because you can't be in the room with his mum without causing a toxic atmosphere?

Sort yourself out now. Please.

[64sNewName]

a man could say anything literally anything here and be wrong.

Nah. There are plenty of male MNers who get on just fine.

You sound fixated on proving that your ex’s more relaxed attitude to uniform/presentability is undermining your child’s well-being in some way. “Almost an insult”, etc.

Your rigidity, lack of perspective and reluctance to compromise or reflect are very likely to make life worse for your small boy over the long term. An untucked shirt with pen on it - not so much.