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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed with this teacher?

298 replies

tomboytown · 10/09/2019 16:29

Ds-first week of senior school.
Mon- supposed to have History homework
Mon- gets given a worksheet
Monday night- completes the worksheet

Tuesday-gets detention for completing the worksheet.

It’s his first week!
Punishing a child for actually doing more work than is necessary?!

OP posts:
Original poster
tomboytown · 10/09/2019 20:33

I’ve said all I can say
It’s like Chinese whispers now

We disagree
I think a year 7 teacher giving a child a punishment on day one for misunderstanding/not listening/whatever the fuck it was is too harsh and counter-productive

OP posts:
Fizzysours · 10/09/2019 20:36

You wanted opinions....you got em OP!!

Popfan · 10/09/2019 20:37

I agree with you OP. Totally. Way too harsh for day 1.

herculepoirot2 · 10/09/2019 20:38

I think a year 7 teacher giving a child a punishment on day one for misunderstanding/not listening/whatever the fuck it was is too harsh and counter-productive

And I think the teacher is doing your DS the favour of his life: setting high expectations from day one.

Original poster
tomboytown · 10/09/2019 20:39

Ok then

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 10/09/2019 20:40

Omg- there wasn’t any instruction to listen to because there wasn’t any homework

There was supposed to be homework
A worksheet was given out
He competed the worksheet

But I thought you said he had written history in his planner but not the homework? So how did that become there should have been homework. Should because he wrote the subject down?

And the second time homework was set and you're both claiming to be utterly clueless over how to do the homework because DC hasn't written instructions down (which of course isn't his fault).

But if only a couple of kids made the error then clearly the rest found the instructions clear enough
This over and over.
That's what's telling in this situation.

shithappens123 · 10/09/2019 20:45

OP step back and think about what you are doing. Whether or not you are doing it subconsciously you are showing your child that teachers aren’t to be respected.

You aren’t doing your child any favours, this behaviour can easily turn into something more serious and it seldom ends well for those kids who seem to think they can behave as they want because mummy will always have their back.

Teach resilience

Original poster
tomboytown · 10/09/2019 20:49

Because he has a homework timetable and it says that every Monday they have history homework, so he was expecting to get homework. He just wrote History as a title- and nothing else because there wasn’t any, so nothing was written on the board, no instructions given.
He and 3 others wondered ( because it was day 1 and they’re unsure on how things work) if the worksheet they had been given was the homework. They figured that they would get into more trouble by not doing it if it was supposed to be completed, doing it ahead of time surely wouldn’t get then into any trouble? Which would also be my reasoning tbh.
Utterly clueless- fgs, exaggerating much?

OP posts:
Original poster
tomboytown · 10/09/2019 20:52

Shithappens- you don’t know what I’ve said to my son. I listened and asked questions. I haven’t ranted and raved and said that the teacher is wrong

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 10/09/2019 20:57

shithappens123
Just encourage them to listen and follow instructions and question when needed.

Then as a parent raise appropriate issues or concerns in a reasonable way, not seeking to allow DC to abdicate responsibility

Original poster
tomboytown · 10/09/2019 20:59

You’ve no idea how resilient my child is

OP posts:
FuckFacePlatapus · 10/09/2019 21:03

Go be 'That Parent' @tomboytown

He is in Senior school now, time to grow up.

herculepoirot2 · 10/09/2019 21:03

Really, just ask the teacher what instruction was given.

Justgivemesomepeace · 10/09/2019 21:11

Back in the real world if someone made this mistake in any other setting, no one would be bothered or chastised. Schools absolutely baffle me sometimes. Nowhere else would anyone be treated like that. He sounds like good kid, trying his best and ends up punished. What is he learning from that? Only in a school........ I seem to say that a lot.....

idril · 10/09/2019 21:13

I don't understand how people are not getting the fact that there was NO INSTRUCTION because there was no homework.

Maybe all these people should be punished for not understanding properly Wink

ilovesooty · 10/09/2019 21:16

You can phone or email to gain some clarity.

I've read all the way through this and it looks like a storm in a teacup to me.

Faultymain5 · 10/09/2019 21:18

This has got to be one of my favourite comments from this post

But we are actively trying to teach children to minimise those mistakes by listening the first time.

And how do we do that? By the demoralisation technique.

I went to my DD's new school the other day and saw how office staff ignored a child that was trying to be helpful. The kid could be as cheeky as hell usually, as far as I'm concerned, the one time he did something right, the adults felt it was totally acceptable to ignore him. I was a guest in the school, I was not impressed. It was the 4th day of school so not yet the thick of things. Disrespecting children whilst expecting respect hmm.

BelleSausage · 10/09/2019 21:19

The teacher called it a detention

So you’ve asked the teacher then and had this confirmed?

Or are you still basing this on the testimony of your son who was confused about his homework, thought a teacher would be told off for giving him a ‘detention’ and still doesn’t understand what his homework is? He doesn’t seem tremendously clear on what has been going on.

LolaSmiles · 10/09/2019 21:20

Justgivemesomepeace
I don't get lazy comparisons to this magical "real world".
The real world covers a full range of situations, including schools.

I might not personally have handled a situation like that teacher did (I wouldn't because I favour a second chance policy), but it's perfectly valid at the start of the school year to set expectations. Would I issue a 5 min detention in the original situation? No. Would I get the child back to talk to them about the importance of following instructions? Yes. Same thing, different wording. Does it mean they're wrong? Not really.

When running an organisation of typically 1000-2000 teens and pre teens it's different to running a small local business or a council office or a pupil referral unit etc. Part and parcel of that is that in schools you get something you don't get in adult workplaces (in general but I've heard it creeping in): parents deciding what rules do and don't apply to their child and complaining because they don't like how something was done.

Eg my child is completing homework and doesn't know whether to do it on the sheet or in their book, but it's probably because the teacher may not have taught y7, or wasn't clear, or the bell went before he could write the instructions down (aka anything other than it being my child's responsibility, just like last time the majority of students knew what was expected but it nust have been a teacher issue, not my child). That sort of attitude doesn't lend itself to a smooth start or easy run of secondary school .

LolaSmiles · 10/09/2019 21:25

I don't understand how people are not getting the fact that there was NO INSTRUCTION because there was no homework.
I'm going to guess the teacher didn't randomly hand out pieces of paper, do nothing with them, make no reference to them and just left it to total guesswork what to do...
There will have been instructions and quite evidently it wasn't "complete this work tonight for homework" (because most of the class managed it).

Of course maybe they did hand out a sheet and make no reference to it at all and by the alignment of the moon and Saturn and winds moving in the west a miracle occured where most of the class knew what they were doing.

It's a bit like tests that some claim they've never been told about, but 28/30 managed to get the memo.
Or you set homework and 28/30 manage it but some claim you simply didn't set it (even when you turn to the page in their book where the task is glued in).
Or a task is explained and there's instructions on the board and 28/30 manage just find, except a couple who weren't paying attention and then claim they didn't know what they were doing (and the call comes in about clearly their child was paying attention and the teacher, TA, 28 other children, the worksheet and the PowerPoint were all lying because the work couldn't have been explained).

herculepoirot2 · 10/09/2019 21:28

And how do we do that? By the demoralisation technique.

By a simple, “do X, or Y” technique. It sounds more harsh than it is. Listening to the teacher is the reason the child is there. It really is in his best interests to learn to do it, and quickly.

Original poster
tomboytown · 10/09/2019 21:31

But those examples are just not the same.
He didn’t not do something that he was supposed to do. He didn’t forget, or just can’t be bothered. He did something extra in case it was wrong in a situation that was new to him

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 10/09/2019 21:34

It’s 5 minutes, OP. He didn’t listen. Let it go. It’s better - honestly - for your child.

LolaSmiles · 10/09/2019 21:43

But those examples are just not the same.
He didn’t not do something that he was supposed to do. He didn’t forget, or just can’t be bothered. He did something extra in case it was wrong in a situation that was new to him
The teacher will have said something about the sheet. Otherwise almost every other kid in the class wouldnt have managed it. He didn't follow the instructions given for it (because he completed the sheet for homework instead of what the teacher said).

Think less of it as my child has been spoken to for doing additional work and more as my child was given instructions regarding a sheet that most of the class followed but he didn't.

That doesn't make him a terrible person. It does mean he hasn't followed instructions.

It's like I say to my classes and form group, under our policy there is a second chance first time round for some things. I don't want to sanction because I'd rather expectations were met, but I will because it matters that we have high expectations. If a student is back for a word or a detention, it doesn't mean I dislike them, it doesn't mean I'm going to be unpleasant. It does mean they need a reminder about an element of their conduct. A couple of consistent reminders is usually enough for many students.

I pick up complaints and concerns about classes (reasonable and unreasonable). I'm yet to pick up a reasonable complaint from a parent where the issue is "my child wasn't told X/nobody told my child Y / the teacher didn't do..." And their child is one of 1-3 who missed the memo.
I've picked up numerous concerns that are totally justifiable and where parents have had every right to raise issues.

This situation is your child not listening to what his teachers are saying on two occasions. Maybe in future (if he's not getting the mean teacher tale at home) he'll learn to listen. Then he'll not have those issues.

BouleBaker · 10/09/2019 21:46

I’m on your side OP. A detention for doing work? Sounds like the teacher over-reacted and possibly didn’t have anything else handy to set for that lesson. I’d follow it up with school, purely to make sure you have the situation straight, and if so to highlight that this teacher is punishing children for doing work. And I’d also do it to reassure your child that you don’t think he’s made a horrendous mistake.