To be really annoyed with this teacher?

[tomboytown]

Ds-first week of senior school.
Mon- supposed to have History homework
Mon- gets given a worksheet
Monday night- completes the worksheet

Tuesday-gets detention for completing the worksheet.

It’s his first week!
Punishing a child for actually doing more work than is necessary?!

I suppose I can see that I would have been that overwhelmed and yes, totally distracted child, and I would have been crushed in the first week. I would have been far too preoccupied about when and where my next lesson was to listen to homework. But hopefully at least some school staff are actually trying to help the new kids as you say.

I find this all quite depressing to read. I remember being terrified on my first day in year 7, I was overwhelmed, had come from a small prep school which didn't help as everybody labelled me a 'snob' but even those issues aside, it is a huge transition, the older teenagers(young adults) are scarey and the teachers always seemed more suited to teaching that age group and were quite intolerant of the immaturity of the year 7s so lots of punishments dished out.

My eldest is in year 8 and goes to a fairly 'liberal' comprehensive but I was surprised at how strict it was from the outset, behaviour points for equipment crimes like not having a rubber in your pencil case but this is all communicated to you via emails with no replies. It's definitely a British thing and I think it's unnecessary. I was in Denmark last week and our hotel was next door to a high school, the teacher was speaking to teenagers in the playground, lots of smiles, no shouting, why can't we focus on the social side of things. I happen to have a young Danish builder building my extension and he confirmed that the social side of school and inclusiveness is really important, feeling comfortable in your surroundings. This is simply not the case in Britain and I think our children aren't as happy as a result. Basically, doing things because you fear the consequences of not doing so, does not teach self respect and in turn the better behaviour teacher's are aiming for.

Being kept in for 5 mins isn't a formal detention
In some places. In other places it is. And the consequences can vary too - a PP mentioned how an early detention meant her child was not eligible for something later that term.

You don't know the school so please stop making it up to fit your experience. It really isn't helpful

tomboytown
Apologies for considering that these things can be linked and that schools can support.

I give up. One minute you're on about how teacher is out of order, mustn't have been explained because your child wouldn't get the instructions wrong, probably hasn't got experience teaching year 7 and so on (whilst your DC comes home to tell you the teacher was getting told off and it's probably linked to his situation).

The next you've mentioned a meltdown, which now you're saying would have nothing to do with it and making daft comments about being "that parent" for being upset when nobody has suggested that a parent upset over a meltdown would ever be an issue (so I'm kinda confused why it's relevant unless it's to generate the "omg people are arseholes" response)

Then really it comes down to is it reasonable to want to complain to the school because you dislike the fact your child was kept for 5 mins. If you want to then go for it, but it's going to be a long journey at secondary school if youre going to be someone who complains every time something isn't to your preference whilst insisting your child couldn't have missed the instructions.

I'm saying all of this as someone who wouldn't have done the same as the teacher and would have given a second chance.

Times of transition can be difficult for bereaved children, even when the bereavement happened years ago - see eg. www.childbereavementuk.org/secondary-schools-supporting-bereaved-children

He's somewhere where lots of the pupils won't know about his bereavement (even if many did at his primary school) and where it may be coming up in conversation as they get to know one another. Insensitively chosen tasks in lessons might be difficult for him too.

independentfriend
Very true. Even small things can make a difference to how someone settles. It's why quite often information like that is best passed up to secondary, form tutors aware, year leaders and class teachers are aware.

I remember one year senior leaders sent a memo round about introduction activites because one student was finding it really difficult due to hearing people talk about their parents because it reminded them everyone else had both parents.
Even staff saying "pass to mum/dad/carers" was enough to make another student feel really down like everyone had forgotten she lost her mum young. It coincided with puberty advancing. Everyone switched to "adults at home" instead. It was something really inoccuous and part of deliberately inclusive wording bit for that child they found it tough.

Often many things are linked so the more positive dialogue that can be had, the better a child is supported.

The school do know, but only in the sense that it’s written in his records, in the ‘anything else we should know’ category. He’s just moved up from the same junior school.
He only did year 5/6 at this school, so it was his previous school that went through it with us.
Children grieve in different ways as they grow up, so how he felt and reacted when he was 7, is different to 9,11, 15etc. They kind of relive it-poor things.
He’s generally been a trooper, I’d say once a year, we’ve both been in a big snotty mess, together, prompted by strange things, not necessarily the obvious emotional situations.
He’s a v enthusiastic child, v energetic and cheerful.
He’s been a great student, he’s v bright and doesn’t struggle with anything except handwriting! He got an academic scholarship for this school.
He’s disorganised and lacks focus at home when doing schoolwork, but has always had great school reports. He’s not the type of kid that loses his kit, or forgets his homework. He’s really respectful to his teachers, when I watch him talking to them, it’s really clear how he’s listening to them
Whilst outwardly v confident, he has quite low self esteem and recently has become v self conscious. He wouldn’t go an ask for an ice cream on holiday in Spain
He’s unbelievably affectionate. I still get a million kisses a day, but ‘not in public Mum!’

I am probably overprotective, but try very hard to keep that contained. I’m very aware that there’s only me that can fuck up his life. But I’m also very conscious of the fact that he needs to make his own way in life and I have to prepare him for that. In no way is he a snowflake, unfortunately he knows that life is not fair, but we’re v close to my family which helps.
I will contact his hoy to discuss things generally. Despite opinions on this thread I’m a very calm considered parent.
He’s mentioned 3 other incidents(with other children) that make me think they are very strict with the rules, so it’s becoming clear that they start as they mean to go on, there’s no introductory period which personally I think is a bit harsh. But we’ll be through it soon anyway.

He’s mentioned 3 other incidents(with other children) that make me think they are very strict with the rules, so it’s becoming clear that they start as they mean to go on, there’s no introductory period which personally I think is a bit harsh. But we’ll be through it soon anyway.

Their strictness will make the whole experience easier in the long run. In Year 7 it’s a 5 minute detention for not listening to an instruction. But if you think about the Y10s and Y11s, who, in other schools, are dominating the corridors and causing mayhem in classrooms, the high standards in this school will be keeping your DS safe.

tomboytown You don't need to keep replying and defending yourselves to the dogs with bones. One of them does it on every thread she's on and will never stop or change her mind. The only thing to do is ignore her.

Concentrate on you and your boy. I hope he's enjoying his new school despite all this.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG
And yet some of us are on multiple threads at the moment advising on how to raise complaints and issues with school, saying the school has been out of order and so on. I get PMs helping people where school are in the wrong or they're really struggling to get their DC the support they need.

The central thing is there is a big difference between a school being unreasonable and someone doing something I personally would do differently.

Eg. I wouldn't have done what this teacher did in the OP situation. I'm a fan of the second chance approach.
However, they aren't unreasonable in their actions and me having a preference for an alternative approach doesn't make that teacher wrong in this instance.
Someone wanting to make an informal call to get the other side would be totally reasonable too.
Whereas being really annoyed, deciding the teacher must be at fault, a DC wouldn't miss clear instructions, they probably weren't experienced in teaching y7 and complaining over 5 mins because you've decided you don't like is quite unreasonable and not the sort of thing that helps

Now people can choose whether they want to develop decent relationships with schools and address real issues in a way that is productive, or they can take the approach favoured by some on MN of getting annoyed over non-issues, coming on MN for validation for their anger and want to complain over non issues. That's up to them but one tends to get better results in the long run.

As a teacher I would guess there is more to this story. From experience children never actually tell the truth as to why they were punished.

The school do know, but only in the sense that it’s written in his records, in the ‘anything else we should know’ category.

The sad thing about senior schools is that it is unlikely that this would have been specifically passed on to his subject teachers because they simply do not have full access to children's files in this way.

When you contact his Head of Year, I would ask if the Head of Year could let his subject teachers know his background and be aware that he needs a bit more support/understanding in transitioning into Year 7. It can only help your DS and his teachers (but of course, still reinforcing the importance of listening to instructions in class etc.)

AnAC12UCOinanOCG

My reply to you was deleted, presumably because MNHQ believe I am troll hunting. I have asked them to delete your post, in the interests of fairness, because you appear to follow me round the site making derogatory comments about me every time I disagree with you. I have little faith at this point that MNHQ will do this, or in their even-handed ness in general. But let’s see.

Loving my life
Today my dog attacked another dog and has just been sick
The other dog got himself locked in a bedroom with poo
Was told by specialist that there isn’t much they can do for my chronic back pain
And tomorrow I have to go looking at care homes
Ffs

@tomboytown

How did your ds get on today? Hope he had a better day.
Sorry you're having such a stressful time of it.

Homework under control
But he’s upset he hasn’t made the rugby team ☹️

Is there a B team?

He’s just not on the list. He’s going to ask today.
He also said that that’s it now, the team is chosen for the half term.
Only the chosen team go to practice so he can’t even try out. He just has the canes lesson to try harder.
It’s a minefield!

Games lesson
They don’t use the cane!

Tomboytown you are doing a great job in dealing with all this shit. Keep on keeping on