To be really annoyed with this teacher?

[tomboytown]

Ds-first week of senior school.
Mon- supposed to have History homework
Mon- gets given a worksheet
Monday night- completes the worksheet

Tuesday-gets detention for completing the worksheet.

It’s his first week!
Punishing a child for actually doing more work than is necessary?!

I don’t care if he didn’t listen. I really don’t.
It’s an overreaction to 11 year old children getting something wrong, for good reason, in the first day of term.

You should care. I’m sorry because I know you’ve got it hard, but how your son starts secondary will shape his life chances. It is really important that he sees you and the school speaking with one voice.

@herculepoirot2 you don't know that he wasn't listening though, it's his first week, he is 11, he obviously had more than 1 lesson on that day there will have been an incredible amount of information for him to process in that time. If the worksheet was not homework then he wouldn't have written down what to do in his homework diary because that wouldn't have been the instruction. I don't think it sounds as though he has wilfully chosen to not listen and mess around in class, it sounds as though this is a genuine mistake that a teacher has overreacted to. A teacher should want to encourage a child to learn and use their initiative; address the mistake but that only takes a minute in class and then move on; not hold them back 5 minutes with no prior warning.

OP - I don't think you're unreasonable to be annoyed at the teacher, and I'm usually on their side in debates like these. Your son was trying to do the right thing and this must be another incident highlighting to him, from his POV, how unfair life is. I'm so sorry about the terrible time you've both had. Is your son being supported? I agree a chat with the teacher may help clear up any misunderstanding and help prevent lasting damage to the relationship between them in the future.

What a strange thread. Giving a detention to a child in the first week of secondary school for making a mistake over homework is ridiculous. (Leaving aside the family situation completely). How would adults like to be disciplined whilst finding their feet in a new job. A reminder to the whole class about listening carefully and writing down the homework accurately at the end of the next lesson would be quite sufficient. The only reasons I can see for detention in the first week are disrespect, disobedience or bullying. Some children could be v upset by this and it could start all kinds of problems.

HaveIGoneMad

I trust that the teacher knows whether a 5 minute call back after class is warranted. The only reason I can think of that it would be is that the lad was told what to do with the sheet and didn’t write it down (which is supported by what the OP has said). Obviously there is a chance the instruction wasn’t given, which is why the OP should (if she is that bothered given everything else going on) ask the teacher. My expectation is that the teacher will say the boy was told and didn’t listen. If that is the case, the consequence is reasonable. If not, not.

Paintedmaypole

Routines like writing down homework are important. The early consequence demonstrates this and saves the child more trouble in the long run.

I'm really sorry about the stuff you're dealing with OP

As others have said, the 5 minutes was unfair but perhaps for now it needs to get put in the fuck it bucket. As for ds having a melt down and saying awful stuff, it really does sound quite a normal 11 year old reaction to a period of extreme emotional exhaustion and stress which the start of secondary school is for everyone. Let it go this time. He doesn't mean it and he's dealing badly with the pressure but give him a hug (when he'll let you) and tell him you're proud of how well he is dealing with everything and move on.

PinkCrayon
Being kept in for 5 mins isn't a formal detention.
Being kept in for something like that wouldn't be my first approach, but it isn't unreasonable.

Fuck off
There were no drip feeds
There was another situation?

There's some fairly substantial wider issues for your child that are entirely relevant to the original situation.

Had your opening post said something like:
DH has got into bother in school. He missed some instructions and was kept for a 5 min detention, now he's unsure on what to do for his homework for the same subject. The thing is he's actually struggling with the transition and his dad has passed away. How can I best talk to the school about this so he can have appropriate pastoral support and staff migt be able to cut him some slack if he is a bit distant

Then you'd have got much more useful advice much sooner in the thread.

Such as people still saying being kept in for 5 mins is much of nothing, gentle reminder and really, really not an issue, but also questions about timings of the sad loss, was it recent, did primary know, did they have things in place, was this information passed to the secondary school, if not then they need to know, what basis do people find out, would he benefit from additional transition support etc etc

Wider pastoral issues make a MASSIVE difference to what is reasonable and unreasonable in schools.

For example, some of our students with wider issues have a member of staff who mentors them, others have staff print the homework off or record it in a home-school book for a period of time, others we cut slack if they're understandably away with the fairies, others might get a specific 1-1 run through the homework, others get a time out card, others have key workers, others see counsellors on site, others have a bolt hole space they can go to or trusted members of staff to calm down, the list goes on and on. But all that can only be in place if everyone is aware and there's been communication.

Communication over potential pastoral issues is vastly more positive, productive and reasonable than complaining because your child was kept in for 5 mins and you think the teacher isn't experienced at year 7

I give up
None of that would be true tho Lola

My husband was the furthest thing from my mind when I started that thread.
Ds has never had special treatment because his Dad died. His previous school went through it with us and were massively supportive but no free passes. His death was nearly 5 years ago.
He hadn’t been struggling with the transition, in fact I’d been really impressed with his organisation and general attitude
His meltdown was tho morning. And nothing to do with his homework
So don’t change he whole story just to suit your argument

Of course he knows why. No he doesn't or we wouldn't have this thread. She said detention on the second day of term and actually expected him to hear anything else.

Some of us said we would take the second chance approach with y7, but that doesn't mean the teacher is out of order
So let me get this right the kid couldn't have just 'misunderstood' he had to have not been 'paying attention', (though he wasnt the only one who made the mistake). But many teachers would have handled it differently but the teacher isn't out of order. You lot are as bad as the boys in blue.

No he doesn't or we wouldn't have this thread. She said detention on the second day of term and actually expected him to hear anything else.

His mum might not know why. He will know. The teacher will have told him.

though he wasnt the only one who made the mistake

The OP said “a couple” of others made the mistake. Presumably out of a class of 30. I’m going with it was clearly explained, if 20-odd kids did the right thing and 3 didn’t.

I don't know the OP's child. But I know my DD and she would have been so distressed by the word 'detention', there would be no consoling her. She doesn't have any emotional issues, but having only just turned 11 she would have trouble processing everything on the 2nd day of term. I know she'd be resilient by half term, but give them a chance. Words matter. "Stay behind for me to explain what you should have done". or "Detention for 5 mins".

I know it's been a while since you were 11 but I would have thought teachers would have experience and a bit of understanding. Meeting someone on day one and concluding they weren't paying attention on day two seems bang out of order. You dont know them yet.

Something clearly explained for the majority doesnt mean a minority understand in the same way. I'm surprised that you would imply they do.

Meeting someone on day one and concluding they weren't paying attention on day two seems bang out of order. You dont know them yet.

If a child has no SN and you have very clearly explained what you want them to do and they don’t do it or ask you to clarify it, you can reasonably assume there was a listening fail. I’m of the type inclined to give people one chance, but quite often you can pinpoint which students in your lesson are going to “mishear” you, by watching their behaviour during the lesson. The OP said on the very first page that it was a “miracle” her DS came home and started his homework, didn’t she? I asked how he is at listening and didn’t get a clear response. He is apparently not struggling emotionally (according to the OP) but he is having “meltdowns” about tech. The OP said she doesn’t care whether he was listening. There are quite a few hints here and I think, on balance, it is quite likely he wasn’t listening.

Something clearly explained for the majority doesnt mean a minority understand in the same way. I'm surprised that you would imply they do.

I’ve been a teacher for ten years. I know that some children struggle with understanding clear instructions like “Don’t write on this sheet - it’s not your homework.” But they are few and far between. The vast, vast majority of children are capable of understanding plain English. If you said, “Stand up now and I’ll give you twenty quid”, they’d hear you.

Oh no! That's a bit harsh to give him a detention for doing work! Might be worth calling or emailing them.

Ridiculous. Poor kid. I can’t believe they even set homework in the first few weeks. Let them figure out where the bloody classrooms are first! There is no chance to settle in at all. I know a few new year 7s. They are absolutely terrified, haven’t got a clue what is going on at school most of the time and are massively stressed about homework. The parents are also clueless as nothing is explained to them either. My friend’s child got 10 different homeworks set in the first few days. So unfair and of course there have been many tears over it.

I hate all this ‘don’t smile until Christmas’ shit. Even the bus drivers have been doing it - apparently they have been reducing kids to tears round here.

The OP said on the very first page that it was a “miracle” her DS came home and started his homework, didn’t she? I asked how he is at listening and didn’t get a clear response.

I'm finding it really hard to believe that a teacher with 10 years experience, cannot fathom a difference between a confident year 6 and a new year 7.

I'm finding it really hard to believe that a teacher with 10 years experience, cannot fathom a difference between a confident year 6 and a new year 7.

Huh? I don’t think I haven’t fathomed that there can be a difference. I just don’t think it sounds like the OP’s DS is so overwhelmed that he couldn’t have listened properly or asked.

Do teachers not realise that most new year 7s are scared to ask questions and in so much of a rush between classes (and scared of being late) they they don’t ask for clarification on homework?

Do teachers not realise that most new year 7s are scared to ask questions and in so much of a rush between classes (and scared of being late) they they don’t ask for clarification on homework?

That is a fair point. But honestly, when I am teaching a class of new Year 7 students, nothing is left to chance. I make myself very, very clear. And in this case, the rest of the class bar a couple of students managed to get it right. The OP says her DS is quite bright and has mentioned no SN that would affect his ability to understand a clear instruction, so the common sense explanation is that he wasn’t listening.

Well I’m glad to hear you do make yourself clear to help them hercule. I do think though (I’m fact I know) that sometimes people are simply to overwhelmed to listen. The amount they are expected to take in in the first few days is huge. Of course they will make mistakes. Not listening isn’t always intentional. I think the idea of an organising club is so much kinder than a school ruling with an iron fist.

DisorganisedOrganiser

I do get that, honestly. I am patient with new starters. But there are times when you can tell by observing a particular child that the issue isn’t that they are stressed or overwhelmed; it’s distraction or even disrespect. And if a child is going to make an effective start to secondary education, sometimes it’s better to crack down on that straight away.