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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to say something

140 replies

Flotoddo · 10/09/2019 14:11

Name changed for this as this possibly could be outing

My son is almost 17 and finished gcses in June.

He's never had a girlfriend (we've always been open and he admits he hasn't got a girlfriend) but I've thought nothing of it.

Yesterday his friend came round (they've been friends since year 7 and he's openly gay). And when I was walking past his room to wake DS from his nap and I saw them kissing.

Now I don't know where to go from here? Would I be unreasonable to mention something? If I said something what would I say? I need advice please!

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 10/09/2019 19:56

He might not be gay, he may be exploring his sexuality or he may be bisexual....

I do believe you need to raise the conversation of his sexuality, and if your “dh” is homophobic then potentially that’s possibly why your ds has not brought it up.

JanMeyer · 10/09/2019 19:58

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Message withdrawn as it repeated a deleted post.

AloeVeraLynn · 10/09/2019 20:00

Absolutely appalled to read that someone with such hateful views has any type of SEN qualification. Please do not inflict yourself on anyone you deem to be "abnormal".

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 20:00

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AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/09/2019 20:11

As long as we accept that "not like me" is the same as "not normal" and that "not the same as the majority" is the same as "not right" Lilyetc has a point.

If we think that's a bit of a nasty attitude to adopt, then she hasn't.

I do hope my much-loved child never meets Lilything.

iguesss · 10/09/2019 20:12

@LilyandAnnie90 WOW you judged me on another thread but when this came up and I read it, YOU wouldn't accept a gay child? Shame on you.

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 20:14

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Idontwangtogetuo · 10/09/2019 20:14

I actually don’t think there is an issue with your son being gay/bi. The problem you have is your husband.

iguesss · 10/09/2019 20:15

And everyone seemed to judge you on this thread @LilyandAnnie90. You tried to compare Downs Syndrome with being gay? And you think being gay is 'wrong'?

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 20:16

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2ManyNameChanges · 10/09/2019 20:17

YWNBU to say you thought him and his friend seemed very close and would make a good partner if he felt that way inclined xx

2ManyNameChanges · 10/09/2019 20:18

Just like you would if it were a girl x

Original poster
Flotoddo · 10/09/2019 20:19

Husband doesn't like sons friend because he is apparently rude (he isn't) but i have a feeling it's because he's gay.

OP posts:
iguesss · 10/09/2019 20:19

I wasn't upset @LilyandAnnie90 I KNOW I've done wrong but at least I can admit that I was wrong.

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 20:20

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iguesss · 10/09/2019 20:22

How are you going to rectify your ignorance @LilyandAnnie90

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/09/2019 20:22

I'm new here ... Does Mumsnet have board monitors who tell us how to behave on here? I thought it was MNHQ who did that.

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 20:23

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Atalune · 10/09/2019 20:24

op your son is probably highly aware of your husbands dinosaur views and approach to life.

I feel so sorry for your son.
I hope you can support him to be happy and comfortable.

BarbedBloom · 10/09/2019 20:35

This thread is getting detailed. I am equally appalled by Lily's comments, but it risks going massively off track here.

OP, you have two issues here. Your son may or may not be gay, but your husband is homophobic. Also, you have left it way too late for the sex talk, I wasn't even in a relationship with the first person I had sex with.

You are going to do the chat, which is fab. I wouldn't outright ask him, but I would specify safe sex applies wherever you sleep with in a matter of fact way that shows you aren't objecting to him sleeping with another boy.

Your husband is a different issue. I also couldn't be married to someone with these views, particularly as I am bi and two close friends are gay. However, I realise things are rarely as straightforward as we would like them to be. You do need to think seriously about what you will do if long term your husband doesn't accept your sons sexuality as you could lose your son by sitting on the fence. But for now I would bring up your friend again and challenge his views there to see if he is the type to condone but not accept, or will go scorched earth if one child is gay. You have a lot of thinking to do, but my gay friends have told me about their coming out stories and how they stay with you forever. For one it meant his parents not coming to his wedding as his mother couldn't accept it and his father wouldn't challenge her

BarbedBloom · 10/09/2019 20:35

Detailed = derailed

LilyandAnnie91 · 10/09/2019 20:45

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Opheliasgoldenwine · 10/09/2019 20:48

Your still abhorrent @LilyandAnnie91 - like how you NC'd

sijjy · 10/09/2019 20:50

I don't mean to sound rude. But how the flip have you not had a chat with your 17yr old about safe sex? My dd is 13 and we chat about these things. We've had chats about sending images on snapchat and stuff. Consent, contraception all sorts. He asks me questions I answer them. I definitely wouldn't be waiting until they've actually done it. It only takes once to get pregnant or get a sti/std!

LilyandAnnie91 · 10/09/2019 20:50

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