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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to say something

140 replies

Flotoddo · 10/09/2019 14:11

Name changed for this as this possibly could be outing

My son is almost 17 and finished gcses in June.

He's never had a girlfriend (we've always been open and he admits he hasn't got a girlfriend) but I've thought nothing of it.

Yesterday his friend came round (they've been friends since year 7 and he's openly gay). And when I was walking past his room to wake DS from his nap and I saw them kissing.

Now I don't know where to go from here? Would I be unreasonable to mention something? If I said something what would I say? I need advice please!

OP posts:
Vilanelle · 10/09/2019 16:55

Id just give him a big hug, tell him what you saw & reassure him that you still love him no matter what his sexual preference is

Do people say this to their straight children then? Bemuses me why we are still making such an issue out of it.

Original poster
Flotoddo · 10/09/2019 17:02

I've tried to show him that I'm fine with him/people being gay. I'll give him the safe sex talk later but don't know what I'll say and I know if DH found out he wouldn't be happy because he said do it together when the time comes.

And I know what he said about him not showing him how to shave was ridiculous

OP posts:
sweetiepie1979 · 10/09/2019 17:02

Id just give him a big hug, tell him what you saw & reassure him that you still love him no matter what his sexual preference is

Ooh god no please don’t say that it’s cringe!
Of course you still love him you wouldn’t say that if it was a girl.

I would leave it for now spend some quality time with him alone see if he opens up and keep him away from his Father who sounds awful and I can’t believe people like that still exist! Your poor DS!

Original poster
Flotoddo · 10/09/2019 17:15

I haven't told DH as he's working away and even if he was home I wouldn't have told him

OP posts:
ThePhoenixRises · 10/09/2019 17:16

Id just give him a big hug, tell him what you saw & reassure him that you still love him no matter what his sexual preference is

I also say don't use that.

I would say nothing and just let him tell you

ThePhoenixRises · 10/09/2019 17:17

I would also have the safe sex chat and buy him protection, it's better to have and not need, than to need and not have.

BuildBuildings · 10/09/2019 17:21

I don't think waiting until your teen has a boyfriend or girlfriend is a great idea for the safe sex talk. They might get drunk or not drunk and have sex with someone. They don't have to be in a relationship.

You need to let him know he can talk to you about anything and make sure the messages in the home about being gay aren't negative. So maybe chat to your husband too.

BuildBuildings · 10/09/2019 17:23

Also if I was married to a bigot I'd be thinking about divorce.

msmith501 · 10/09/2019 17:25

Is it possible he's missing his friend to show him friend that he's supporting of him being gay and it's an accepted way of saying hello... and before I'm flamed, many of my friends openly greet each other with a kiss on the lips. No biggie....

And if he is gay, he'll tell you when he is ready - his agenda not yours. And please don't say "we'll love you no matter what"... it might come across as "we know it's not normal but we'll be modern parents about it"....

SunshineCake · 10/09/2019 17:25

YWBU to say anything before your son does.

Your husband is a dick head and needs a stern talking too once your son tells you anything, if he ever does. He probably knows his dad is a twat so will keep it quiet.

BlankTimes · 10/09/2019 17:33

Surely he's had the safe sex talk at school by now? It's a bit late to be thinking of doing that as a parent when he's 17.

Send him a link to the consent/cup of tea video

thecatinthetwat · 10/09/2019 17:38

I have a friend who is gay, but was pretty sure his dad wouldn’t accept him.

He moved to another country to avoid ever having to tell his parents. It’s really sad because he can’t tell his mum either, even though I think she would be accepting. So instead, he avoids them and hides his life from them.

Sort this out op, or you’ll lose your son.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/09/2019 18:23

I am fairly sure that my M-i-L, who has been a complete horror and with whom my DH has been NC since before we got married, probably thinks he is gay. At least, well before I started to go out with him he said with some relief that she had stopped mentioning grandchildren, and since he hasn't bothered to tell her about me at all I don't suppose she knows he is married.

If she'd tried to have That Talk with him about Still Loving Him No Matter What because he never (for several good reasons) took a girlfriend home, there would have been some amazing misunderstanding. And he would probably have played up to it rather than tell her anything real.

Lovingmylife · 10/09/2019 18:45

Hmmm do you think your DH could support him even if he didn't agree with his sexuality? I wouldn't mention the idea of your ds being gay to hint, but perhaps in a different context general discussion about people coming out. What does he think of ds' friend? Often to, people make comments e.g. not my child etc as often, we just assume our kids will be heterosexual. We (as in people, not specific to me) picture a life of them giving grandchildren (obviously broad generalisation and not everyone will) so it's not considered a possibility of anything else. So maybe DH will surprise you.

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 18:53

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TrainspottingWelsh · 10/09/2019 18:55

Fucking flowers? Fuck me, if you have dc lily then Flowers for them, I’m sorry they are in that situation.

stucknoue · 10/09/2019 18:56

I would bring into normal conversation that you are fine with gay, straight or bi, all you want is for him to be happy

Breathlessness · 10/09/2019 18:58

‘I'll give him the safe sex talk later but don't know what I'll say and I know if DH found out he wouldn't be happy because he said do it together when the time comes. ‘

A 17 year old Hmm

stucknoue · 10/09/2019 18:58

As to your dh, I suspect my dad would have said the same before my brother came out but he was fine once he got used to it

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 18:59

@TrainspottingWelsh rest assured they have the same views as me and my DH

TrainspottingWelsh · 10/09/2019 19:04

I’m sure they do lily. Children aren’t born bigots. Hence my sympathy for them.

popehilarious · 10/09/2019 19:07

Obvious derailer is obvious

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 19:08

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sailorcherries · 10/09/2019 19:08

Lily and what view is that? Can you accept people who are blonde? Ginger? Those with green eyes?
All those are as in-built as sexual preference.

LilyandAnnie90 · 10/09/2019 19:11

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