WIBU to say something

[Flotoddo]

Name changed for this as this possibly could be outing

My son is almost 17 and finished gcses in June.

He's never had a girlfriend (we've always been open and he admits he hasn't got a girlfriend) but I've thought nothing of it.

Yesterday his friend came round (they've been friends since year 7 and he's openly gay). And when I was walking past his room to wake DS from his nap and I saw them kissing.

Now I don't know where to go from here? Would I be unreasonable to mention something? If I said something what would I say? I need advice please!

LilyandAnnie90

Bye

I think the time may have come for the safe sex talk.
If you don’t do the talk, and his pal hasn’t had the talk either, they may end up doing things with someone male or female or each other without using condoms and end up with an std or an unwanted pregnancy.
Just because you saw him kiss a guy doesn’t mean he has decided on his sexual preferences yet. I was experimenting at that age. Lots of people do. You didn’t know he was kissing the guy, you may not know he has been kissing a girl too, he’s obv a private person and that’s fine.

If you have concerns about whether or not your husband can have the conversation including gay ex then you need to do it yourself.

First though ask your husband “when the time comes will you be able to educate our son about gay, straight, and bi choices and safe sex so our son has the full picture”.
If he says yes then that’s fine. But if he says something homophonic or refuses to include all preferences, don’t say anything else just change the subject or walk away.

Wait until he’s gone out and have the talk with your son yourself.

And if your husband doesn’t like it when he eventually finds out (which let’s face it will likely be years as who is going to bring that convo up if they don’t have to) he can piss right off. You have to do the best by your son. who probably knows everything he needs to but you have to make sure! Good luck.

being straight is the default though
Actually it's not these days

And @lily proves why it’s still a big deal coming out to some parents.

@Lily - you are so wrong on so many levels

Your DH sounds like a bellend.

As for DS, I’d open up dialogue about safe sex and see if he feels able to tell you. If not then so be it, I wouldn’t tell him you saw anything. It’s his decision to tell you when he wishes.

To be honest l'd be more concerned about your husband's attitude than about whether your son is gay or not.
Sexual fluidity l can deal with. Bigotry l can't.
lf that was my OH l'd leave him if he talked about my child like that.

Yeah, on the off chance the homophobia didn’t fully demonstrate the fuckwit thought processes, using the word hun is the icing on the cake.

Lily clearly being educated and having a basic understanding of biology is not your default.

Would you say anything if you saw him kissing a girl? Same rules apply.

I agree with pp - open up the conversation about safe sex, and include same sex relationships in that chat, as matter-of-factly as you can so he gets the sense from you that you won’t be judgemental. Read the Stonewall info and if you have a local LGBT centre pop in or give them a call. Most offer advice.

he said no way would one of his children be bi or gay

He doesn't get to make that decision. What an absolute prick. Im sure at 17 your Ds has picked up on your Dh's homophobia and will probably be reluctant to tell you if he is gay. Don't tell your Ds you saw him and don't tell your Dh either as no doubt he'd make a big deal out of it, thus alienating your Ds for good. Your Ds can decide to tell you, if he wants, in his own time.

Masters in what? Homophobia? Being a wanker?

I'd go with the banter route, just as I would if I'd seen him kissing a girl. It would have to be "ooo saw you and your boyfriend earlier, tell me all about him" type thing. Just as I would if i saw him and a girlfriend. Wishing you well op, @LilyandAnnie90 not so much

Jesus Christ. If your that 'intelligent' then you should know it's not a choice. He hasn't 'put her in that position'
You are a bell end.

@Flotoddo
If he was kissing a girl I'd give him the safe sex talk if I didn't already (I haven't because he hasn't had a girlfriend)
Just because he’s kissing a boy it doesn’t mean he doesn’t need the safe sex talk. I fact it’s extremely important that he always has protected sex. My 20 year old son is gay. He told us when he 14. It’s not an issue for us at all but I’ve definitely spoken to him about safe sex and encouraged him to attend the local sexual health clinic where he gets checked out and is given a load of free condoms.

I think it’s nice that he’s kissing someone that you like and get on with. My son has had a couple of controlling boyfriends but the most recent one was lovely.

Your problem is your husband is homophobic.

Your son has always been gay - he’s exactly the same person her was last year, and last month.

In this case I would simply say, so I think Steve might be more than a friend, so a few different rules. Keep the bedroom door open and he can’t stay over (if those are your house rules). If you think you are mature enough for sex please be careful.

But most importantly, Steve is a nice bloke and I am really happy for you😊.

Also - your dads a dick, ignore him (you probably won’t say this last bit😊😊😊). But it’s true.

Who decides what’s normal or right?
How boring the world would be if we were all the same or as you put it right or normal.