To think that it is up to me what I do when my child in swimming lesson.

[swimmingmum6]

My children have swimming lessons at a lovely local swim school. The groups are small. Teacher is with 3-4 children in pool, parents poolside but not involved in lesson. I enjoy watching but also chatting to the other parents and answering the odd email so that I don't have to do it when my children are in bed, or when I'm properly with them.

Just had this posted on Facebook page. AIBU to dislike the tone? I'm not glued to my phone, look up and encourage frequently but I am also a working mum who gets little space in the daytime and reserve the right to catch up with a couple of emails while my child is in the pool supervised and learning.

The post reads:
Recently I have noticed a sharp increase in the use of mobile phones and tablets on poolside during our lessons.

Understanding how busy our lives are parents can be, I would like to trial our poolsides as ‘Digital free’ zones.

I would like to give you all permission to step out of your hectic day whilst your child is swimming with us by turning your phone off or onto silent.

It is wonderful to see a child encouraged and supported by their parent/Carer poolside when they have achieved something new or master a skill they have been working on. These shared experiences will create memories of their precious early years.

I am hoping by giving you permission to delay writing that email or text will enable you to relax, focus on quality time with your child and create a closer ** (name of swimschool) Community!

If you have a sibling waiting for their lesson or their brother/sister why not encourage them to watch, pick up additional teaching points or bring a book or homework to do.

Should you have a pressing matter to attend to or need to make an urgent call, please may I ask you to step out of the pool to do this when swimming with us.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this idea, so please do respond to this post with a 👍🏼 or ❤️ or comment below.

With much love and many thanks,
(Name of swimschool teacher)

What do you think?

I used to go the gym or wait in the cafe until they’d finished. Parents weren’t allowed by the pool.

Oh how annoying!! My 2 DC have swim lessons one after the other. When one is swimming, the other is on a Kindle. If they couldn't do that it would be a nightmare, as I'd be having to try and occupy sibling, when they r bored and tired. It would annoy the other parents as siblings would be talking loudly ish etc... also possibly wanting to get up and run around etc... My eyes would be less focussed on swimming child, and more focussed on the sibling to keep them quiet during the lesson. I completely get it if it's for safeguarding, but not for the swim school to tell parents how to parent grrrrrr

Loved reading in the car with a travel mug of coffee / going for a run during my son’s last year of swimming lessons. Looked forward to the break all week!

The pool really wasn’t set up for spectators and I’m sure the instructors wouldn’t have wanted parents interfering/encouraging their children.

The woman's barking. Watching a kid's swimming lesson is one of the dullest things known to man.

Phones weren't a thing when mine were learning but I used to take a book or a paper and revel in half an hour's paid for peace. I got v. cross if some arse wanted to chat and stop me

At our pool parents are actively discouraged from distracting the children while they are learning and the teacher is in charge of the lesson. It’s not exactly quality family time is it, wrestling one child for half hour after school while the other is absorbed in a lesson on the other side of the room. If I don’t wear my glasses I can barely tell which child is mine from where the parents all sit and wait. What a weirdo.

"I am comfortable if you want to make the poolside a digital free zone and happy to stay in my car/in the foyer sorting my work emails and life admin so that I am able to have quality time with my children later on when we can actually speak properly. Thanks for your concern, its so reassuring to know you care so much about us, and life beyond the swimming lesson."
Hopefully that gets the right tone and she'll be left puzzled whether you are taking the piss or happy she's so 'caring'.

It's a safeguarding issue really if parents have phones out.

It's only a safeguarding issue if they're using their phones to take photos of/record children who aren't theirs. If the swim school were genuinely concerned about that happening then they would say 'we're banning phones for Safeguarding reasons' and most people would be fine with that. But they didn't because they're not concerned, they're just being judgemental about what they perceive to be a lack of parenting.

@drowningincustard perfect!

Watching my child swim is incredibly boring. I end up chatting to other parents or MN-ing.
I 'engage' with my child at plenty of other times during the day.

I don't think many people would appreciate a more honest 'men and women can be paedophiles and, as a result, we can't trust any of you, so put your sodding phones away'

That's massively patronising.

I understand not being allowed to take photos by the poolside but frankly I think camera phones are the least of your worries there. Its usually fairly obvious that someone is taking a photo with a phone, they'd have to point it towards whatever they are videoing or photographing. Not allowing parents to read on their phones is using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Anyone who is determined to film children can do it with a tiny concealed device.

But I'm bitter because I was once unceremoniously and publicly thrown out of the gallery of a swimming pool (quite some distance from the actual pool) because I was revising for an exam and was doing a practice paper on a tablet. I had taken the 'no photography' signs to mean no photography, but I was apparently meant to understand that what they actually meant was no electronic devices. I wasn't even allowed to read my textbook on a bog standard Kindle.

How patronising. I take my phone (and half the time my three year old with tablet!) to my daughter's 45 min lessons. I always try to watch her as much as possible but it is a small part of the day where I can do some admin. We are encouraged not to distract them from their lesson.

I'm a swimming teacher, I can see both sides for protection of the kids having a no phone policy is good,some parents will still try to get a photo or video. However I also wouldn't want parents distracting dc when teaching. Sometimes that does happen in the younger stages and you can hear the parents trying to teach and shout out telling them what to do which is not only off putting to them but to me and to the rest of the class.

Thanks all. Sorry for delay in replying-having quality time engaging with my children 😉

I think it's the tone I mind most. Who knows the circumstances of others and how important that breathing space is? Too much wrapping up in flowery phrasing. If phones not allowed, not allowed. But if I choose to zone out with a book, a chat, knitting or even a snooze, I'm an adult and I can choose.

It's better now, but when I had a non sleeping baby, half hours there and there where I could think my own thoughts but know my child was gainfully employed were pretty much what kept me from serious, serious mental illness. And only just.

Anyway, I don't think I can compose a response that's helpful and polite, nor do I think I have to justify my parenting or personal circumstances to someone who teaches my child to swim, so I'll leave it. It's been hugely helpful to read a range of responses.

YANBU! Unless they're worried people have been taking pictures? I was doing my online shop at DS' swimming lesson and due to the way I was holding my phone, the lifeguard thought I was taking a photo!

@drowningincustard

When mine had swimming lessons we weren't allowed to be poolside, too much of a distraction for the children especially if they had siblings watching etc etc.

Mobiles phones banned at my DD's lessons when she had them, because of the photos/safeguarding - I thought this was standard, actually. We were not allowed poolside but no phones in the changing rooms either.

It's so wanky and contradictory. No to sending an email but ok for sibling to do homework. I imagine you could get a lot done while you're waiting for the lesson to finish. Fuck off with your permission.

If they're worried about photos they should issue a straightforward rule that says no camera devices by the poolside and the reason why.

Agree with the sentiment but the delivery is awful!

Well you do know that the next email will ask you to keep the noise down as you will all end up chatting to pass the time. I’m an ex swimming teacher and I would rather the parents were not there because there was always the “competitive mum who wanted their child to be best. Said child looking at mum for approval constantly. Mums who coach from poolside and show their child how to use their arms when they themselves have no technique. I can understand the no photos but not telling you how to use your time poolside. “ making memories” makes me want to vomit. Btw I was asked not to take photos last week at DGD’s swimming lesson.

Yuk. I'd go sit in my car/lobby during the lesson then, where they can't judge me. Which would be a shame because I'd want to see the times my own kid does something in the lesson.

As an adult and perfectly able to read a book, answer a couple of emails, scroll mindlessly through social media or play candy crush while keeping my ears/eyes open with occasional glances to see when it's her turn and look up for the requisite amount of time it takes for her to jump in, and express the amazement and admiration she deserves. Not so bothered maintaining constant eye contact with her while 19 other kids jump in.

Doesn't anyone want to bring children up to be independent any more?
Save your judgement for people who don't bother taking their kids anywhere, or maybe even myob

Nope that wouldn't work for me, I like to take the 30mins of time I have during swimming lessons to drink a coffee whilst its still hot & mumsnet. If they dont want phones pool side I'm happy to sit elsewhere but as an adult I can limit my own screen time thanks.

my kids never had professional lessons as a taught them my self so i dont know the rules of these things but the giving permission bit would get my back right up

im a grown ass adult paying you for your services,if i want to be on my phone i will bloody be on my phone you giving me permission to put it down is not needed thanks

phones are used for so much these days,i spend hours reading on mine and ive had people think im on facebook no im bloody reading,if i had a physical book would you still be asking

what do they want you to do clap like a seal and cheer every time.imaging all parents doing that at the same time

I used to hear my youngest read while my big one had swimming lessons. He wasn't a keen reader, but at lessons there was literally nothing else to do! Now they have back to back lessons I'm supervising the older one (still under 8!) in the changing rooms so don't have a clue what happens the first 10 minutes of little ones lessons (presumably the same as all the other beginners lessons at the same pool). I ask him about it afterwards and I congratulate him on his achievements. If he sees me he puts his head out of the pool, smiles, waves, and blows kisses. I'm not sure my presence adds anything except satisfying the rule of having a parent on site.
I don't need anyone's permission to decide when to read with my kids, when to chat to them and when to let them play on my phone!