Ex husband not bathing kids

[mumhasanicebum87]

I have two kids and my ex husband has them every other weekend. Kids washed Thursday night before school and nursery and collected Friday from school/nursery. Kids dropped to my parents Sunday at 5:30 for Sunday dinner as usual and for the second time in a month they haven't been bathed all weekend. His excuse was that he didn't have them Saturday night as was out?! The children's teeth hadn't been brushed either as he forget the toothbrushes when they slept over with his mum. As the children were dropped to my parents it resulted in a mad rush to eat dinner then drive 40 mins home (youngest fell asleep in car) to then do baths and bed time, which extended bedtime by an hour and lots of tears from the toddler. I told him it wasn't on, but he just doesn't seem to think its that bad. Am I being unreasonable? We get along fine otherwise, he's a good dad, we do days out with the kids together etc

Not washing (or doing teeth) once in a while isn't going to kill them. If he's a good dad then cling to this and save the argument/ complaints for the big things.

I wouldn't get too worked up over this, it won't do them any harm. Pick your battles, this isn't worth it.

On a practical note, in that scenario, I would bath and feed the dc at your parents house, drive them home already in their pjs and put them straight to bed.
I always did this with my dcs if we were visiting friends or gps on a Sunday.
As for your ex, he sounds lazy. Are the dc dirty/ smelly/ sore when they have been at his?

You haven't said how old they are, but I don't think kids NEED to be bathed every day.
If they're dirty or it's part of a bed time routine, then I get it. But in general I think a child can wait a day or two without a full bath.
The brushing the teeth isn't good as it should be a part of a routine and being taught to do it every day is part of parenting, but a one off isn't the end of the world and not something I would cause too much conflict over if hes generally a good dad.

My ex refused to wash/brush teeth and if drop off time was 7pm (aged 4,5&6 then) often wouldn’t have had them fed adequately either. It was mentioned in our court proceedings (access) and he was told that if he couldn’t feed and wash them at a suitable time when he had them so they could come home to bed at a suitable hour then his hours would be cut so they they could be bathed/fed appropriately.

Reading stuff like this makes me so cross- he’s a parent not a babysitter- he has to parent, not do the fun stuff and just dump them on you to do the actual work. It’s not ‘good parent who forgets sometimes’ it’s ‘lazy parent who knows you’ll do it because he can’t be arsed’.

I would be bothered by the tooth brushing if it's a regular thing and not a one off.

The bathing is irritating and possibly concerning if it's part of a wider pattern of him not looking after them properly, but it's not too bad really.

I actually disagree and think if you have a toddler who wears nappies then a bath every day is necessary. I don’t think wipes really clean faeces from skin.

But he's not a good dad is he, strictly speaking?

Maintaining a kid's hygiene routine is basic stuff. In this case the kids are accustomed to daily baths. Whether or not other families do this is irrelevant. And good parents round up the kids' toothbrushes from Grandma's house, or have spares at home, or buy some new, or do anything apart from just not bothering.

Unless we're setting the bar so low that just not beating them counts as good parenting.

Sorry but I don't think this is acceptable, their teeth need to be cleaned and they need to be bathed, especially young children as they are not always very good with bottom washing.
This is just lazy, can't be arsed parenting. A good dad is good in all areas, if he can't provide basic hygiene for his children he is not a good dad.
The guy next door lost custody of his kids as they were always in such an awful dirty state when they went home.

Missed bathing for a couple of days - meh. Teeth brushing though is a minimum requirement and should be done twice a day without fail.

Missing the teeth brushing would annoy me but going a few days without a bath is neither here nor there 🤷🏼‍♀️ Children don't need to be bathed everyday, it's not good for their skin.

This is one of those cases where you pick your battles for the sake of harmony. Just a 'remember to brush their teeth' next time he picks them up will do.

But it shouldn’t be a battle.

He should just do it

Bathing every day isn’t necessary for children. Are they old enough to learn to shower themselves? (Even if they skip hair).
Teeth brushing is essential so only ok to skip once in awhile...I’d get spare toothbrushes for the kids and leave some at various houses. I always have spares at my home because it is not uncommon for one of my kids to have a friend over for a sleepover and the friend has forgotten their toothbrush. So I just offer them one of our spares (in its unopened package) to use & keep.

I understand it’s fustratung because your ex doesn’t have the same routine as you. But there are probably equally fustratung parenting things you do as well. Being both single parents, you guys are not going to parent the exact same way.

Brushing teeth would annoy me, not bathing every day really wouldn't depending on age.

Not brushing teeth for that long isn’t acceptable at all, IMO.

Not bathing for a few days, depends on the child I think. My girls could go a few days without a bath no problem at all whereas my nephews absolutely need bathed every night as they seem to be dirt magnets!

I wouldn’t make too much fuss about the bathing , the teeth is an issue . If it’s a regular thing that they end up at the paternal grans could you get her to buy them tooth brushes to keep there .

I agree with everyone else. Not brushing teeth isn’t on, not having a bath isn’t a big deal.

Not brushing teeth is bad (unless it's happened just once, everyone forgets once) but not bathing for 2 nights is quite normal I think. My kids have eczema so we bath only twice a week or they get very bad skin.

Does that mean the children aren't washed at all on Saturday/Sunday?

Teeth cleaning should be done but I would be less concerned about baths for a couple of days.

I would be furious about the teeth cleaning and would focus on that. Clearly they need a bath if they have got particularly dirty but I would't worry so much about that. They should be washing hands and faces of course.

He forgot the toothbrushes just this one time though didn't he - so that's not the norm. You've put that in there to make him sound worse than he is. It's only Friday and Saturday then that they've not had a bath? To me that would be fine. Even if it wouldn't be my preference it wouldn't be worth making a big issue of. Next time he has them can you not just say, "can you give them a bath on Saturday?" or whatever day? Just seems like a v. minor thing to get so upset about. When I read your thread title I was expecting your OP to say that he'd had them for a week during the holidays and not washed them at all or similar.

Teeth- not on
Bath- wouldn't bother me. My kids skin is horrendous so we don't bath every day and they're fine. Obviously if they get dirty they are bathed but if not it's not necessary.

I also don’t think it’s at all necessary to bath children everyday. I also don’t think delaying bedtime by an hour is a big deal either. They’re children, not soldiers, do they really need such a strict military daily routine? Honestly I’m sure there’s times my kids have gone 2 days without a bath, really not a big deal.

He's a disgrace. If he didnt have time to bath them Sat night as he was out, why didnt he bath them on Sunday?

Kids need a decent night's sleep before school/nursery otherwise it wrecks their while day and he knew by returning them unwashed they'd have a late night.

The not brushing teeth thing is disgusting.

What a waste of space he is, I can see why he's your ex.