To leave my DD 10 and 11 alone from 6-9pm

[bathsh3ba]

I'm a single parent and have to go to an evening at one of my DD's schools this week. It would involve being a 20min drive away and out from 6pm to 9pm. We live in a village, they know the neighbours, they can call my parents or their dad on the phone but neither are local. They are 10 and very nearly 12. They are generally sensible and have been left before but not for as long as 3 hours and not when it's dark, which it will be by 9pm. They want to be left rather than get a babysitter. WIBU to leave them?

I think it really depends on your DC, but from what you say, they seem to be confident being on their own already.

Mine were left on their own from age 8, and we set good ground rules and built the time up. I think it is important for children's confidence and resilience to know that they are capable of looking after themselves, although it obviously depends on an individual child's personality, sensibleness etc.

Also no hard and fast rule. Some of dds friends (10) have anxiety and would hyper ventilate at being left alone for one minute. Other families we know get sitters despite having a 14 year old as their lads fight and are not responsible. So it depends on your family what is reasonable.

It's all about the individual children and how they would feel and cope.

Some children of 15 can't bear to be left at home for an hour. Some of 10 are confident and not worried and know what to do if something bad happens.

A lot of this is recognising how children feel and that the things that worry them might be different to what worries us as adults. So yes it's right to be sure they know what to do if there's a fire etc, but the things that often worry them are the phone ringing or the door being knocked, or not being sure about noises in the house. Having siblings can make it easier or harder depending in how they relate to each other and if each feels the other is to be trusted to behave appropriately. In the end you know your child and how sensible theyvar and how they will feel left at home.

Good rules of thumb are to build up gradually. Treating daytime and evening as a bit different and building up each gradually helps. Starting where you can get home very quickly helps too for both them and you. Also, recognise that lots of things are non-essential, or it actually is possible if not ideal to leave all kinds of events a bit early.....so making that evening just a bit shorter might make all the difference.

If they're sensible, get along (no chance of killing each other without you there to ref), are told not to cook anything or answer the door to anyone and know who to call in an emergency then it'll be fine.

I can’t quite put it into words why, but I wouldn’t do this.

I’d take them along to the school meeting and they can wait outside the room. or I might perhaps drop them off at a nearby McDonald’s or supermarket cafe type thing and pick them straight up after the meeting’s over.

Yep I know it’s my own nonsensical solution but that’s how I roll.

I wouldn’t even hesitate, I will absolutely be leaving mine at that age for that amount of time. A baby sitter 😂😂

As long as they are not likely to rub each other up the wrong way I’d be fine with leaving them.

The combination would worry me more than their ages tbh. I could leave DD1 and DS1 at that age, could leave DD2 and DS1, but couldn’t have left DD1 & DD2 as together they’d be an issue (bossing each other around etc).

So as long as they’re not likely to fall out, or one get the ‘I’m in charge’ syndrome, they’ll be fine.

I don't know why some posters have to be so sneery about other people's parenting choices.
Deciding not to leave a 10 year old child without adult supervision for several hours is not moddycoddling and won't immediately render them incapable of ever being independent.

I might perhaps drop them off at a nearby McDonald’s or supermarket cafe type thing and pick them straight up after the meeting’s over.

Seriously @PuppyMonkey? There's no way on earth I'd be leaving a 10 year old and a nearly 12 year old in a Macdonalds without an adult for 3 hours at that time of the evening.... (I think OP is fine to leave them at home).

Hell I'm 30 and I wouldn't want to sit in Macdonalds for 3 hours.

God I wouldn’t leave them in Macdonalds either! Safer on sofa at home surely?

@bluebluezoo @SoWhat21
If you read my post all I said was could the neighbour (who is allegedly on hand for non 999 type emergencies) pop in during the evening to reassure them, not get a babysitter for a hamster. My point was all kinds of things can happen that 10/11 year olds won't know how to handle, the OP is a 20 minute drive away at a meeting, so may not have free access to her phone, any other family is an hour away, so it would be better if the neighbour could pop in midway through, to check they're not up to any shenanigans or arguing and so the children know there is an approachable adult close by.
No I'm not a SAHM , I work full time as does my husband. I do work in safeguarding.

why not ask the next door neighbour to pop in part way though the evening ?

I would if they were responsible

If they are sensible then I don't see why not - I did at that age. Having said that many London 10 and 11 year olds (mine included) get themselves to and from school on pubic transport which is probably far riskier than being at home. If its the first time that you have left them for that length of time you might mention it to a neighbour and ask if they could come to them in an emergency - we all did it when DC were being left for the first couple of times but there are a lot of similar aged DC in my street so it didn't seem odd.

I would as a one off but not every day. I have dc similar ages.

Apologies if this has already been suggested, but could you maybe let them have an hour in the house alone & then have somebody pop round at 7 to stay with them? When our youngest daughter turned 11 we got her a house key so she could walk home with her friends & let herself in the house. She loved the idea of it but in reality, within 10 minutes of her getting home she was ringing me asking when I would be home (I was always on my way by then, so longest she was on her own was 20 minutes). I think 3 hours is just too long at that age, even if they are responsible & sensible.

I really struggle to see what the risk is. Our two sensible girls and get on very well. We live in a quiet cul de sac in a safe area in a safe city and we are friends with everyone in the cul de sac if the disaster that I can’t envisage (fire? Zombie apocalypse? Alien attack?) were to happen.

I wouldn’t, especially when there is no reason they can’t go with you. Our children range from 14 to 29 and I have never been to a school meeting where younger siblings haven’t been in tow by most of the parents.

Perfectly fine.

I think I would rather bring them to the school with snacks and books as a pp said.

Oops didn’t mean leave them in McDonalds for three hours - hadn’t seen that it’s only a 20 minute drive, was assuming longer hence the being out so long thing.

(Our local McDonald’s is nice ).

Sorry I just came back to this.
Obviously everyone will have their own rules about what is acceptable or not but I said no cooking/baths as mine would be on her own so I'd be uncomfortable with the potential for injury with either of those activities by herself, that's all.

Mine would have been fine at that age.

I’d give them a call at 7.30ish.

Kids that age will be making their own way to school....,..where there are multiple dangers. A damn site more than sitting in the house early evening. It will be fine

Government guidelines are not to leave them alone under 12. I wouldn’t.