To leave my DD 10 and 11 alone from 6-9pm

[bathsh3ba]

I'm a single parent and have to go to an evening at one of my DD's schools this week. It would involve being a 20min drive away and out from 6pm to 9pm. We live in a village, they know the neighbours, they can call my parents or their dad on the phone but neither are local. They are 10 and very nearly 12. They are generally sensible and have been left before but not for as long as 3 hours and not when it's dark, which it will be by 9pm. They want to be left rather than get a babysitter. WIBU to leave them?

@SoWhat21 they have phones but nearest family is an hour away, so pretty useless in an emergency

@SoWhat21 they have phones but nearest family is an hour away, so pretty useless in an emergency

I'm pretty sure you can dial 999 from any phone in an emergency.

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/leaving-child-home-alone/

I think they are the age where some people woukd and some wouldn't and so you'll have to decide. It's not like 7 year olds where it's categorically wrong or 15 year olds where it's clearly okay, but a matter of you making a call and putting in place things to make it more possible if you choose to.

For example, how about speaking to those neighbours you mention they know and saying to them, that you'd like to pop out and leave the girls but wonder if they would mind the girls knowing that in the unlikely event of a crisis they can go and knock on their door? This is such a useful thing to have in place for a couple of years and off times you need to go out. Far better to ask the neighbours and then telling the girls they have that back up is reassuring.

Yes, to ringing a couple of times, including when setting off home.

And what about just deciding you will leave 30 mins early? That will probably be fine and just make it a bit more manageable.

It's good the girls are happy to stay - them being confident is the key and it would be wrong to do it if they had doubts about it. Good as long as they aren't keen to stay because they fancy getting up to mischief.

Yes to ground rules of no cooking or answering door and must answer phone. Make sure they know what to say if someone else rings (ie Mum is in shower )

Yes to clear rules about if they have to get into bed and yes to leaving some acitivities which will fill the time like a longish film which isn't scary.

This could work fine for the right children. However only do it if you're happy - this doesn't sound like something that the earth will end over if you don't attend r only go for half of it.

Of course it's fine in the circumstances you have described. A babysitter? I was a babysutter when I was that age, I don't think anybody in my generation would have gotten a babysitter for 10-11 year olds. And the world is not more dangerous, contrary to popular belief.

@bluebluezoo what's considered an emergency to a ten year old might not be the same as the emergency services consider an emergency. Eg fallen over, sprained ankle, broken finger, sister being a torment, hamster having a fit (personal childhood experience), the only thing 999 will respond to in those scenarios and many others is that there are children at home alone . The NSPCC guidance is twelve for extended periods.

@WhyBirdStop First of all nearest family is 20 mins away as that is where OP is.

Second family are not the only people you can contact in an emergency. 999 is available and they know neighbors so I really cannot see what issues could arise that wouldn’t be covered by these options.

OP says they live in a village and know the neighbours. My DC are a lot younger, but even they would manage to go and alert a neighbour if I for example happened to fall down the stairs.

I think it's fine, well I know my dc would be fine by that age, obviously you know your own dc.

FFS yes get a babysitter in case hamster has a fit!

If emergency doesn’t justify 999 then going to a neighbor or waiting 20 minutes will be fine.

Depends on the children. I could've been left (and was a few times) at that age, but that was just me.

Totally fine. My nearly 11 y/o goes to bed at 9 and would be quite happy being left

Would the neighbour be approachable to ask to pop round about 8pm to check on them?
FWIW I was often left at 12 due to parents working their asses off to make ends meet. Never minded or came to harm.

I would. Get them a good movie to watch and that’ll cover most of the evening anyway!

Probably be a daft question, but should the older child be going with you to the meeting? I thought school stuff usually involved the child at secondary age?

No issue at all, so much fluff these days, kids living in cocoons don’t become butterflies they become paranoid anxiety ridden nervous wreck adults scared to do anything mummy and daddy didn’t let them do. 👀🙄

I would

I would leave them, they'll be fine. They can lock the door after you've left, close all the curtains and watch tv. You'll have your phone so they can contact you any time.

The NSPCC guidance is twelve for extended periods

3 hours in not an extended period. That's the time many kids with working parents would be left between school and parents getting in from work.

All those who say o/p should get a babysitter- are you SAHM? What do you think working parents do? Do you think there should be after school childcare for secondary age?

As a one off I would.

So long as they have had dinner and are confident and have a way to call you home if they get scared.

I wouldn’t. Why can’t they go with you?

I'd say no too.

Lots of secondary school pupils get home from school at 4ish and are alone until parents get in from work at 6/7 so it’s the same scenario except there are 2 of them . Provided they get along ok and the older one doesn’t try pulling rank and playing baby sitter I can’t see an issue .

If they are responsible children I would think it should be fine - some sensible measures suggested above. For perspective I was babysitting other kids when I was 12. Over here (not UK) the legal age to babysit is also 12.