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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Children's birthday cakes at Parties - Enlighten me

120 replies

Morgomargot · 08/09/2019 21:21

Mumsnet please enlighten me about children's birthday cakes. I've been to a few parties recently with kids ages 3-4 and at every one the cake is either not cut at all, or is cut and shoved into party bags wrapped in napkins but not given out to eat there and then. My child looks at me confused and disappointed that he isn't going to get any cake. Can anyone tell me why this is done? To my mind if you go to the trouble and expense of making or buying a cake then bloody dish it out to the kids to be enjoyed. Don't wrap it in a napkin to dry out and get squished so it is almost inedible by the time you get home. I can't ever remember going to a party as a kid and not getting birthday cake. Is this the done thing now? Are the hosts secretly going home to binge eat an entire cake? Is it going in the bin? Dummy cake? Am I committing a serious faux pas by cutting the cake and giving it to the kids to eat then and there?! For the love of God let them eat cake!!

OP posts:
CassianAndor · 08/09/2019 21:25

Doesn’t happens at any of the parties I’ve either been to or hosted, cake is always cut and eaten as part of the birthday tea. I think it might have happened once when they ran out of time but it just meant the kids were munching their cake as they left the party.

paradisedreamer · 08/09/2019 21:27

All the kids parties I've been too the cake is put in the party bags as there is normally buns/cupcakes etc as a treat. Plus like pp is about timing too.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 08/09/2019 21:27

Wrapping cake in napkins for the party bag is pretty standard. I remember licking icing off the napkin as a child; it was something to look forwards to on getting home!

On a practical note, the cake tends to be served at quite a late stage of a party at the end of the tea. It takes time to cut the cake into umpteen portions and the kids are full of food anyway, so it makes sense to take it away.

Choice4567 · 08/09/2019 21:28

Usually because there isn’t time to cut the cake and then hand it out and eat it. Would use up a lot of the party time. Already appears to use 45 minutes to eat half a sandwich and 2 crisps

NannyR · 08/09/2019 21:29

Most parties I've had experience of, the parents wrap the cake up and out it in the party bag. Very occasionally it's eaten at the party. I've never seen it not cut at all though.

CalmdownJanet · 08/09/2019 21:31

I am a cake cutter. I have never seen or had even heard of cake in a party bag till mn. I have never seen a cake not to be cut at all either.

Waffleswaffles · 08/09/2019 21:31

Both ways seem to be are equally common and acceptable. But personally I think birthdaycakeeating is one of the main events at a party, so cake should be eaten at the party.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 08/09/2019 21:33

If it's a big expensive professionally done cake i can understand them wanting to keep it for family rather than give out at the party, some of these cakes cost literally hundreds of pounds!

Cake isn't going to go stale/off etc in the time it takes to cut it and put it in a napkin in a bag, plus honestly it's easier to be able to take cake to another room, cut up etc without the badgering of kids wanting a piece RIGHT NOW, it gives you the time to cut evenly, and doesn't leave you in a situation of X claiming they've had none, or Y taking 2 pieces etc.

Sleepyhead19 · 08/09/2019 21:36

We always wrap it in napkins and put it in the party bags. I’ve only been to one party where the kids ate the cake there and we probably go to at least 2 a month as my youngest is 6.
A lot of parties are time restricted so it’s not always even an option to give it to eat there. We’ve held activity parties where we had an hour for them to do games, then you are sent to another room while they eat and do happy birthday etc. Meanwhile, another party is starting and you are reminded you have only 30 minutes to leave the food room for it to be cleaned for the next lot.
Last week, my son went to the first party where they sang happy birthday but didn’t get any cake. They decorated cupcakes instead! He was most disappointed.
But yes, I’d say it’s the norm not to eat cake there these days.

Gingerkittykat · 08/09/2019 21:41

I think if it is an expensive cake then it is sometimes just used for candles and pics and then taken home for another party and cheap cake given out in party bags.

Cake almost always goes into party bags in my experience.

Singleandproud · 08/09/2019 21:41

I always thought it was a) because it was done at the end of the food whilst the children were playing so they can take some home and b) because there is normally cake/ crisps, chocolate as part of the birthday tea.

I’m rubbish at cutting up cakes and as a single parent am usually trying to host too so after a few years of trying to multi task, I started getting the main cake for candles to be blown out on and then cupcakes on the same theme to be taken home, it is far easier.

Heismyopendoor · 08/09/2019 21:43

Yep we’ve always cut it and then put it in party bags. Could be eaten the next day if they are full and it’s always exciting for kids to have in the party bag :)

Original poster
Morgomargot · 08/09/2019 21:43

I've been to two in the last couple of months where the cake wasn't cut at all. They were nice cakes but not the kind you would pay hundreds of pounds for. My son left devastated from a party yesterday because he didn't get any cake. They had small fairy cakes as part of the birthday buffet but he didn't feel that was a reasonable substitute for a piece of dinosaur birthday cake!!

I get the time issue though especially for larger parties but most of the ones I've been to have been for 10-20 kids. It doesn't take that long to cut that many pieces of cake. I can't imagine not dishing out the cake for those who want it to enjoy at the party. Part of the fun of making it is seeing your kid enjoy it with all their buddies.

Cake wrapped in napkins always drys out and the icing gets stuck to the napkin. It is never as nice as if it had been served on a plate at the party.

OP posts:
Glitteryone · 08/09/2019 21:46

This has happened at the last 4 parties we’ve been to - big beautiful cakes which are brought out to sing happy birthday & blow the candles out but then quickly removed.

The kids didn’t even get a piece wrapped up to take home. The hosts took the whole cakes home with them.

I really, really don’t get this.

Hecateh · 08/09/2019 21:47

I'm old - parties I went to as a kid in the 60's, cake was always wrapped to take home and throw away eat later as we always had eaten enough at the party, including far too much sugar.

When my kids were having parties (80s) I did the same.

No grandkids

Back then party bags were: cake, a few sweets and a small cheap toy (paper fan, plastic whistle, bubbles or something similar)

Things may have changed but the cake things make sense to me

Leftielefterson · 08/09/2019 21:47

I was at a first birthday party recently and they had a really lovely 3 tier cake (I thought I was at a bloody wedding). Anyway, they didn’t cut the cake. No cake of any kind was given. I was beyond devastated as my dd is too young to eat it so I always end up having it and birthday cake is my fave. I think it’s so weird not to cut the cake.

My dd’s birthday is coming up and I wouldn’t dream of keeping the whole cake to take home. It’s just odd. We will probably give it out as part of their party bags.

EmmiJay · 08/09/2019 21:49

Never! If I'm spending big bucks on a Patisserie Valerie cake or a great big hunking Turkish homemade cake, I'm making it the centre piece to the main table, my kid is blowing out the candles and then we cut it. I think its very slap dash to just cut it and throw it in bagsConfused

SoftBlocks · 08/09/2019 21:49

They took the cakes home?????!!!!!!
I don’t mind cake in a napkin to take home if the party has overrun a bit and there isn’t time to eat it there but not giving the kids any cake?!

Waffleswaffles · 08/09/2019 21:49

I agree Glitteryone what's the point in having a cake if you're not going to let the children eat it?

BikeRunSki · 08/09/2019 21:49

Usually the cake comes at the end of the meal, when the kids are bored and wander off. That’s why it goes in bags.

Original poster
Morgomargot · 08/09/2019 21:50

What do the hosts do with the huge cakes? Why buy or make a huge birthday cake and not eat it?!! Are they dummy cakes?

OP posts:
LaBelleSauvage · 08/09/2019 21:53

I'm pretty easy about whether it's in a party bag or eaten at the party, but I agree it's weird not to give any cake at all.

Laiste · 08/09/2019 21:54

I guess they are keeping it for the family. For other members to see or for a second party? I'm surprised to hear any young DC is thinking about the details of cake eating that seriously at a party.

I've got 4 DCs (from 5 to 25) and i can honestly say the vast majority of all the many parties they've been to over the years have been cake in napkin jobs (without drying out problems) and tbh that's how it was when i was a kid too.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 08/09/2019 21:54

is cut and shoved into party bags wrapped in napkins but not given out to eat there and then

It’s the way it was always done when I was a kid (mid 40’s now) & the way it was done at every party my now teen went to as well. I’ve never seen a birthday cake served up at an actual party. After the singing and candles everyone raced back off to play, happy in the knowledge they had a party bag to look forward to Taking home.

coconuttelegraph · 08/09/2019 21:55

I haven't experienced a cake not being cut at all and I can't specifically remember one being eaten at a party, always been wrapped and put in the party bags ime. Even as a child my recollection is that the cake would have been given to take home so can't be a new thing.

I've not given it any thought but I can see that mess might come into it, party cakes aren't always the easiest things to eat, far better to do it at home.

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