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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Children's birthday cakes at Parties - Enlighten me

120 replies

Morgomargot · 08/09/2019 21:21

Mumsnet please enlighten me about children's birthday cakes. I've been to a few parties recently with kids ages 3-4 and at every one the cake is either not cut at all, or is cut and shoved into party bags wrapped in napkins but not given out to eat there and then. My child looks at me confused and disappointed that he isn't going to get any cake. Can anyone tell me why this is done? To my mind if you go to the trouble and expense of making or buying a cake then bloody dish it out to the kids to be enjoyed. Don't wrap it in a napkin to dry out and get squished so it is almost inedible by the time you get home. I can't ever remember going to a party as a kid and not getting birthday cake. Is this the done thing now? Are the hosts secretly going home to binge eat an entire cake? Is it going in the bin? Dummy cake? Am I committing a serious faux pas by cutting the cake and giving it to the kids to eat then and there?! For the love of God let them eat cake!!

OP posts:
CobwebKate · 09/09/2019 06:28

I am 40, have 3 kids and the cake has always been put in party bags. There are very few parties I have attended where the cake has been eaten at the party.

I have not cut our cake at the last couple of parties (my youngest was 9 this year). This is because the parties have happened a few days before DD’s birthday, we always have a family party tea on the evening of her actual birthday and I’m too tight to buy a second cake, so we reuse the first one and eat it then. These are always shop bought cakes, not really expensive ones. I do give them a fancy cupcake for the party bags though. I’ve never had any complaints, but no polite person should ever complain about the way in which a party they have been invited to is hosted. It normally costs me around £200 for a birthday party so I think I am entitled to choose what to do with the cake!

vivaldisboots · 09/09/2019 06:36

@Morgomargot I eat the rest of the birthday cake if I don’t use it all. I cut and put in party bags as so far I our half a bakery out for the party as it is (primary age dc)
All the parties I’ve been to have done the same but if we’re at someone’s house and not a venue then sometimes the cake is cut and handed out but this is usually for smaller parties.
My dc won’t even eat the cake in the party bag as too tired so it’s usually my reward for taking them hehe.

RuthW · 09/09/2019 06:46

I've never been to a party where the cake wasn't put into party bags. Not a new thing as my dd is 22.

Teacher22 · 09/09/2019 06:48

Wow! My DC are 30 and 28 now and well past the child’s party stage but ai am shocked that things have moved on so far as to spend hundreds of pounds for a kids’ cake or a fortune commissioning a Pat Val cake!

ChickenIce · 09/09/2019 06:50

Last couple we’ve been to have been like this never known it before. Dd has been given a cupcake instead so hasn’t been disappointed. Supposed it makes the party bag quicker if it’s done that way

CigarsofthePharoahs · 09/09/2019 06:55

At my sons last part I did both!
We sang happy birthday, he blew out the candles and I started cutting the cake. I said that if anyone wanted a slice straight away to bring their plate to me. I'd say about a third of the kids did.
Then I cut more slices, rolled them in napkins and handed it out with the party bags. Took me about 5 minutes.

EmilyStar · 09/09/2019 06:59

The vast majority of parties my DC have been to have had the cake sliced up and put in party bags at the end. Although occasionally the cake in the bag is clearly from a different cake to the birthday cake displayed.
There’s always been other sweet things available to eat as part of the party tea instead of the birthday cake.

It’s not a new thing though. I remember cake in party bags being the usual thing when I was a child too.

Graceymac99 · 09/09/2019 07:01

My d oldest DD is 11 and I have never heard of a party where the cake wasn’t served and eaten there and then. I have never ever seen cake sent home in a party bag and never sent it home with children. The party bags have other things in them. It’s also way too messy and would stick to the napkin if lots of icing.
The cake is the main event for my dds and they certainly would comment if it wasn’t served and eaten there. In many of the venues that serve meals the cake is the dessert.

Pascha · 09/09/2019 07:01

We've done cupcakes or similar for the last couple of birthday parties. They are given to the child to eat as they leave. A nice finish.

Honestly most kids don't really care about the cake, the candles and the si gung, yes, but the cake not so much. They are full.

Clockworkprincess · 09/09/2019 07:06

I've done both. Ds first birthday i had a big party cake that we sliced and popped in the party bags. Next two birthdays i gave during the party. It was all depending on timings etc. This year i will try to hand out during the party. My main issue is i always want to get a decent photo of the cake as it takes me days to make and ice it and i want a decent memory of it

Cakeorchocolate · 09/09/2019 07:16

Cake in a napkin is rubbish im(cake loving)o. Buttercream and jam end up stuck to it and it generally gets ruined.
I'll use those little cake boxes when the time comes. Cake in bags is pretty standard. No cake at all isn't. But I have also experienced it. I guess time restrictions on venue.

But equally annoying is when they have a show cake for singing and candles. The kids get excited about a piece of said pink/green/blue princess, character etc cake to then find a piece of one of those large generic tray cakes.

I understand the logic with using one but why not just put candles on that and keep your fancy one for a home celebration since it's not allowed to be shared with the people singing.

HeartZone · 09/09/2019 07:21

Does anyone else want cake now ?! 🍰

Badabingbadabum · 09/09/2019 07:21

All the parties I remember from when I was small had cake sliced and wrapped in napkins to take home. Dd has been to a few and the same happened. At one they all had a very nicely decorated cupcake to take away in a little box which I thought was a good idea. I think dd would be disappointed if she didn't come away with cake!

Croquembou · 09/09/2019 07:24

My son left devastated

I could read no further 😂

OP, time and therapy is a great healer. I hope he recovers from the Great Birthday Cake Devastation of 2019.

SallyLovesCheese · 09/09/2019 07:35

Having "show cakes" reminds me of a story I read as a child. I can't remember many details, but I do remember a girl really wanting a beautifully decorated cake in a bakery window but the bakery wouldn't sell it to her. Eventually she got it somehow for a birthday or something and she made a big deal of cutting the cake but the knife wouldn't go in. Turns out the cake was just beautiful icing on top of a wooden shape for display purposes!

Maybe they're fake cakes?!

ChickenyChick · 09/09/2019 07:37

Haha OP, am totally with you on this cake madness.

It’s one of those British thing I don’t get, along with separate hot and cold taps in bathrooms (burn your hands with hot water, or use cold . Just why?).

My kids have grown out of party bags now, hurrah

Fucket · 09/09/2019 07:48

It’s a big deal to you OP because you’ve made it one. A child disappointed by cake and a mother who encourages that behaviour by saying yes it’s mean poor darling, and then gets frothed up on mumsnet about a none event. Instead of, I know you wanted cake but maybe it’s not for you and oh look here are some biscuits, juice, balloons to play with is going to struggle later on with all the mean things they encounter with no resilience.

But maybe this is your first child and you have a learning curve ahead ignore you...

AngelsWithSilverWings · 09/09/2019 08:03

My whole life the standard thing has been that the birthday child blows out the candles and then the cake is cut up and wrapped in a napkin to go home in a parry bag with the guests.

I have made a big cake and then made mini versions in cupcake form and given them out in a nice box to go home. Exactly the same cake , decoration and filling , just a mini version.That's because we were having a second family party on the actual birthday the next day and wanted to save the cake for that.

hoxtonbabe · 09/09/2019 08:04

Lol@SallyLovesCheese

Cakes in a window are dummy’s ( or wooden in this case) I can’t believe the bakery sold it to her though or even if they gave it away could have at least told her Grin

Grin @Croquembou

Original poster
Morgomargot · 09/09/2019 08:09

Wow @Fucket what terribly bitter and judgemental comments you've made. I'm really surprised you feel able to draw so many conclusions about my child, how he expresses his feelings and how I respond to him. You need to cheer up a bit, and realise that you are being a cow on a light hearted thread. Here you go Cake

OP posts:
Original poster
Morgomargot · 09/09/2019 08:19

Crikey such different experiences! I am in the UK and I really don't remember the cake ever not being served. I do get the time constraint thing, I guess that's even more so when your at a venue like a soft play or something.

Still hoping someone will comment who has actually done a huge cake and then taken it home and not served it. They must be dummy cakes or the hosts freezers will be littered with the remains of past birthday cakes.

OP posts:
Fifthtimelucky · 09/09/2019 08:28

I used to serve cake as part of the party but stopped after a couple of years as I was so upset by the amount of waste. I stopped making cakes myself for the same reason. I very rarely bake and if I invested time and effort making and decorating a cake, I wanted to know people were eating it. I didn't care what happened to a £10 cake from Tesco.

So birthdays usually involved two cakes: a bought one for the party, which was sliced and put into bags, and a homemade one for family to eat on the actual day.

Showing off a cake and not giving the children any is very mean, I think.

Cherryblossomtrees · 09/09/2019 08:34

I much prefer taking it home! It's lovely to enjoy it later on its own. It's been going on since at least the early 80s when I first started partying Grin

Can't imagine not serving it up or sending it home at all... Maybe if they are having another family party later or something?

Sandsnake · 09/09/2019 08:38

I think the napkin thing is fairly standard, definitely remember it from my childhood. For DS’ party this year (first one we’ve done) we had a home made Thomas birthday cake that went into party bags and around it cupcakes made from the birthday cake mixture to eat then and there. Seemed to go down well.

This thread is the first time I’ve heard of having a big, showy cake at the party but not cutting it or giving guests any. I think that’s awful! If you want a nicer cake for a home party then fine, but don’t get it out in front of the party children. Gives kids a rubbish message about the importance of style over substance as can think of no other reason for doing it other than for the photos (and how they look on Facebook / Instagram...Wink).

Blobby10 · 09/09/2019 08:44

Another one here who always put the cake in the party bags to take home - and who ate numerous cakes out of party bags when my kids had been to parties but didn't want the cake Grin.

I've never know the cake be eaten at the party other than 21st or weddings!

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