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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Children's birthday cakes at Parties - Enlighten me

120 replies

Morgomargot · 08/09/2019 21:21

Mumsnet please enlighten me about children's birthday cakes. I've been to a few parties recently with kids ages 3-4 and at every one the cake is either not cut at all, or is cut and shoved into party bags wrapped in napkins but not given out to eat there and then. My child looks at me confused and disappointed that he isn't going to get any cake. Can anyone tell me why this is done? To my mind if you go to the trouble and expense of making or buying a cake then bloody dish it out to the kids to be enjoyed. Don't wrap it in a napkin to dry out and get squished so it is almost inedible by the time you get home. I can't ever remember going to a party as a kid and not getting birthday cake. Is this the done thing now? Are the hosts secretly going home to binge eat an entire cake? Is it going in the bin? Dummy cake? Am I committing a serious faux pas by cutting the cake and giving it to the kids to eat then and there?! For the love of God let them eat cake!!

OP posts:

sam221 · 08/09/2019 22:43

I am really trying to figure out, what the person who had a 3 tier cake will do with the whole cake-even saving for family, would still leave masses of cake leftover? Why not just share?
When I used to host parties, i used to cut up share with kids and parents-left overs given with anyone who wanted it.

thaegumathteth · 08/09/2019 22:48

We usually put the cake in a paper bag inside the party bag for them to take home.

One memorable year we didn't serve the cake at all because as I was about to one kid bit another so hard it bled and I dealt with that and dh forgot about the cake until almost everyone had left. I'd spent bloody ages making it too!!!!

georgialondon · 08/09/2019 22:52

I think having the cake in the party bag is totally standard where I am. And during my childhood it was too.

Everyone does stuff differently though. It's no biggie. It wouldn't annoy me either way.
.

SheChoseDown · 08/09/2019 22:57

The mess of 20 children eating cake... Ffs

Noodledoodledoo · 08/09/2019 23:37

I'm in my 40's I remember cake in party bags from when I was little.

I tend to buy a small cake to blow out candles on for my childrens parties, and then all the kids are given a cupcake or fairy cake with a theme to them. It is me and DH hosting our parties and at that point in the party we don't have time to cut cake and serve, as others have said its generally in the last 10 minutes of the party.

At my son's party we gave out cupcakes and the parents (lots of first time party people) didn't realise party bag and cake means off you go so I was chasing round after kids dropping crumbs as we were trying to clear up the hall! Definitely a reason not to give out cake.

I think all but one party I have been to in the past 5 years have had cake in a bag.

BigChocFrenzy · 08/09/2019 23:52

YANBU.

Back in the 1950s & 1960s, cake was cut and served at all the birthday parties I attended
However, we always used to sit at the table and eat sandwiches, then the cake
There were no party bags then (that I know of )

Displaying celebration food to guests, but not letting them eat it, is mean and dreadfully rude hosting

Do you invite people to dinner, display e.g. a gorgeous cooked salmon in a fancy dish on the table, then just give everyone the potato & veg, keeping the salmon whole for your family the next day ?

Twolittlebears · 08/09/2019 23:53

I'm surprised to hear any young DC is thinking about the details of cake eating that seriously at a party

Quite the opposite. Cake is the main event for my young DC and their friends at parties. It is taken very seriously (parents asking "can you bring forward cake as we have to leave and DC will not leave without cake being cut & handed out" type requests are commonplace!) I think there would be outrage if cake was not served!

Frangible · 09/09/2019 00:00

I’m surprised your child cares that much, OP. In my experience, people send cake home, especially at parties for younger kids, because the children aren’t that bothered about it, after they’ve eaten their body weight in party food already, and it gets left.

FixItUpChappie · 09/09/2019 00:01

I have never heard of this...I would consider eating cake a big part of the program

Xmasbaby11 · 09/09/2019 00:07

Cake in party bags is the norm here. The kids love it - they look forward to eating it later.

tryingtobebetterallthetime · 09/09/2019 00:14

In Canada, I have never experienced a birthday where blowing out the candles, cutting, AND eating the cake was not the main event. It sounds very strange to wrap it in napkins.

TheClaws · 09/09/2019 01:51

I'm surprised to hear any young DC is thinking about the details of cake eating that seriously at a party

My SIL actually asked me once to cut my son’s birthday cake early as her DC had to leave the party early and wanted some. This was before we had even had the birthday lunch - plus there was a special surprise inside the cake that I didn’t want the birthday boy the see too early - so it wasn’t going to happen. SIL just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t do it for her special DC

Chocolatemouse84 · 09/09/2019 02:27

It's always been cut up and put in party bags in my experience.

To be honest, if it's a young child and they've blown the candles out, I'm not fussed about eating it in case they have accidently showered it in bits of spit as they blew.

I am seeing traditional party bags less and less now and people seem to be handing out sweetie cones wit the cake wrapped separately in a napkin.

cabingirl · 09/09/2019 02:29

Growing up in the UK (north-west England) in the late 70s - cake was always sliced and added to the party bags.

So that's what I did at my DD's first birthday party here in the USA and got really strange looks and confusion!

No one does that here - everyone is served and eats the birthday cake - usually with a serving of ice cream as well.

Makes me feel so homesick!

notangelinajolie · 09/09/2019 02:33

What would go in the party bags if there was no cake? And what would you use the napkins for

pumkinspicetime · 09/09/2019 02:55

It has always been sliced and given out in bags.
I confess we pre sliced one cake and wrapped and had a much smaller cake to blow the candles out that we just left alone.

SnowsInWater · 09/09/2019 03:07

Party etiquette is slightly different here in Aus (including absolutely zero expectation that you provide anything vaguely healthy which was a shock to my system after years of feeding Brighton kids whose parents would cheerfully send lists of instructions about what their kids should be fed 😂). If the party is at home the cake is usually cut and distributed to be eaten on the spot, often coinciding with parents arriving for pick up so they are offered a slice, and probably a glass of fizz, too. At time limited venue parties it is usually cut then wrapped to be put in the lolly bags.

AlaskaSometimes · 09/09/2019 03:44

In Australia cake is saved until last, song sung, cake cut and everyone gets a bit to eat then usually handed on a napkin. It’s a nice way to end the party and a way to tell people that’s the end. Party bags are little bags full of lollies, cheap toys or things like decorative tumblers, pencil sharpeners etc. no way would anyone try to shove a squashed bit of cake in there. Who on earth wants to eat squashed cake? What a waste! It’s such a silly tradition. It’s so nice to all enjoy the cake together. If people can’t eat it then or take a piece home for someone else it is usually handed on a disposable plate or something. Not a soggy napkin. How bizarre.

Never heard of someone not sharing a cake bought out for guests to sing over! That’s the epitome of bad hosting. How awful. I would be absolutely cringing.

shearwater · 09/09/2019 03:55

Cake was the party bag when I was a kid. A bit of cake to take home was it.

HennyPennyHorror · 09/09/2019 03:56

My kids never eat it out of a party bag...it's all squashed and off-putting. They'd love a slice there and then...it's a weird thing but not a new one. People did it as far back as I can recall and I'm 47!

Bloomburger · 09/09/2019 04:25

I give the cake out as dessert as I don't do party bags, they're just expensive pointless plastic tat and I'd prefer to spend the money on entertainment or such like for the party.

hoxtonbabe · 09/09/2019 04:42

I was born in the 70s so remember parties from late 70s onwards and we just didn’t do party bags back then so I wonder if it was a regional thing with those of a similar age to me saying they had cakes in a party bag, but I know my parents never gave any out and none of the parties I went to gave any out, you ate your cake there and then and if left over then the host may have wrapped a bit in foil or a napkin to take home ( which my dad would end up gobbling )

All this cake talk is making me want to make one

PapayaCoconut · 09/09/2019 04:50

I know, it's insane. Usually the children are served some other dessert instead and given a piece of cake in their party bag. At DDs birthday party, we thought we'd break the trend and serve the cake, but the venue told us we weren't allowed to do this, as they could only serve food that didn't require cutlery.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 09/09/2019 05:52

Another Aussie here, can confirm cake is always cut and served at the end of the party on napkins/plates, with any parents and siblings who are doing the pick up offered some too.
It’s like when you give kids the 5 minute warning at the playground, when the cake comes out, they know pick up is imminent

WillLokireturn · 09/09/2019 06:17

An interesting question OP. Are you UK?
A slice of party cake in napkin sent home in party bag has been traditional (in the several UK counties I lived in) for 40+ years.

PPs have a point, as many play venues don't give enough time to dish out cake, expecting you to frantically slice and party bag it, as they have already done deserts like icelollies or icecream as part of the package - most DCs are full by then and itching to run around again. If you ask children most say no to having any cake then as are full. At home you have more time.

When we have parties at home, I do cake after the meal and ask children if they want their slice now or put in their (named) party bag to take home. As that's our main 'afters' although I also have various other deserts like minirolls and chocolate sticks etc. available which can equally go in party bag if they've eaten their slice. They have to sit up table to eat it though or be in the garden as by then young children are often on the move.

It's far easier with older children. By age 11+ , we eat any cake straight away or bypass it entirely, as we don't do party bags for that age upwards. Unless it's themed party (such as taking some makeup home from a girls dress up party, or the t-shirt they've painted)

I had parents comment (jokingly I hope!) And one mum complain once to ask where the slice of birthday cake was ("it's in your DS's tummy!") for DD's (6 year old) party as she said she looked forward to it and thought I'd forgotten to give her child his slice in his party bag... She went to the effort to suggest I could send his slice in on Monday ...😆

I'd actually prefer birthday cake was eaten at the party when mine attend, as my DC rarely eat napkin cake slice later once home... They're too busy bouncing off the walls when they get home from all the other sugar! I'm afraid I regularly bin it. On reflection it does seem a weird party tradition, but when it's an expected cultural norm it's difficult to see different choices.

To not share out cake at all though, is tight.

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