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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Children's birthday cakes at Parties - Enlighten me

120 replies

Morgomargot · 08/09/2019 21:21

Mumsnet please enlighten me about children's birthday cakes. I've been to a few parties recently with kids ages 3-4 and at every one the cake is either not cut at all, or is cut and shoved into party bags wrapped in napkins but not given out to eat there and then. My child looks at me confused and disappointed that he isn't going to get any cake. Can anyone tell me why this is done? To my mind if you go to the trouble and expense of making or buying a cake then bloody dish it out to the kids to be enjoyed. Don't wrap it in a napkin to dry out and get squished so it is almost inedible by the time you get home. I can't ever remember going to a party as a kid and not getting birthday cake. Is this the done thing now? Are the hosts secretly going home to binge eat an entire cake? Is it going in the bin? Dummy cake? Am I committing a serious faux pas by cutting the cake and giving it to the kids to eat then and there?! For the love of God let them eat cake!!

OP posts:

KateWrong · 09/09/2019 08:51

Im not from the UK originally and this tradition of putting cake in party bags seems so odd to me! Eating cake at birthday parties was one of the highlights for me growing up

RachelEllenR · 09/09/2019 09:12

We don't wrap cake in napkins, it's horrible and often ends up in the bin - we always give it out at their party! It's about 50:50 with the parties my children go to.

antipodeansun · 09/09/2019 10:10

New Zealand, like Australia, cake always served and eaten at the party. But often the hosts will wrap more cake to take home/for siblings. There may be some lollies but cake is the main dessert.

Party bags are disappearing. Even my 6 year old is concerned about the state of the environment and doesn't care for plastic tat. A few lollies if they did a pinata but other than the extra cake, my circle doesn't do them

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/09/2019 10:24

I can't imagine getting out a stunt cake for the candles and song then not cutting it up and giving it away. Isn't that what it's for? If you're going to keep it for exclusive family consumption then don't show it to the party guests!

Cut up into napkins and shoved in party bag was standard when DS was younger and it clearly has been for a long time. Yes, it does get squashed and you have to scrape some jam and buttercream off the napkin, but so what? It's still lovely cake. It doesn't get dried out as it isn't in the napkin for weeks on end, just until the guest gets home I used to wrestle DS for his but he never let me have it the brute

I guess the easiest thing is to not supply any kind of cake or sweet things alongside the crisps and sandwiches, and use the birthday cake as pudding?

(I really really want cake now, like Victoria Sandwich type...)

Original poster

Morgomargot · 09/09/2019 12:55

@fifthtimelucky I too would be very disappointed to see all my hard work going to waste. I loved making my ds birthday cake this year. It was eaten by most but there was still one child who ate all the icing and left the cake. To me, that is madness as the cake is the best bit! I'll definitely bear your idea in mind for when my kids are older and we're doing larger parties.

@antipodeansun I love that party bags are dying out, I hope that spreads.

OP posts:

reginafelangee · 09/09/2019 12:58

Every kids party I have been to or held you light the candles, sign happy birthday, blow them out, cut the cake and put it in party bags.

Totally normal IME

RainbowAlicorn · 09/09/2019 13:10

Not RTFT sorry, but one year I did cut and plate up the cake and the majority of the kids took a few bites and left it, they were full on party food and/or just wanted to go and play, so the last 2 years I have cut it up and put it in the party bags, then put biscuits and buns out as dessert after the food.

Proseccoinamug · 09/09/2019 15:18

Taking cake home is the norm.

Some people take the cake home for family. But usually cut up a cake in advance and put a slice in the party bag to go home with the guests.

Children’s parties don’t usually have time to sit and eat birthday cake.

Most kids aren’t bothered as they have plenty of sweet stuff. My kids aren’t really expecting to eat the cake there and aren’t bothered whether it’s in the bag or not. I’ve never seen any of their friends bothered either.

If it was a tea party at home for a couple of friends I’d probably cut and eat the cake there but still give them some to take home.

Chalalalala · 11/12/2019 15:40

My son's party is tomorrow. I have just been told that cakes is not allowed to be eaten at the venue because of allergy. I do understand the reason for it but I am disappointed (and so will he be) as as said in one message above, blowing candles and eating cake is one of the main part of a birthday party (far beyond chips and nuggets!)! Here there will be blowing candles and having a ridiculous cupcake instead (supplied by the venue). I am glad I didn't go for one of those expensive cake, I was planning to bake a selection of cakes adapted to the different allergies.... but I can't really be bothered to bake tonight if these are to be wrapped and taken away. Both my kids never eat the cakes brought back from a party, 90% of them end up in the bin (the other 10% eaten by me). I might just bake and give biscuits to be eaten later instead...

Chalalalala · 11/12/2019 15:47

I do understand parties are usually restricted to 2 hours but considering the prices for parties, I feel a good time should be allowed for the kids to at least enjoy the birthday cake together!

KindnessCrusader · 11/12/2019 15:49

I'm on my 4th time round now and I've never been to a party where the cake was eaten at the party! Not once. Never.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 11/12/2019 16:09

I can't think of one kids party where the cake was actually served to be honest. I can't think of one where it wasn't cut either ,how rude

There's always some kind of sweet treats, cupcakes or something, and cake slices go with party bags. Just be careful with them, they are still perfectly edible at home, you don't need to squash or squeeze them on the way.

I don't know any family who wouldn't have a "family cake" and a separate "party cake".

If it's a "thing" to have a show-cake, I can't wait to see how long before that trend reaches weddings

andpancakesforbreakfast · 11/12/2019 16:10

I feel a good time should be allowed for the kids to at least enjoy the birthday cake together!

they enjoy a party and food together, i quite like that the cake is for home. it's easier to get the kids to leave the party

GameSetMatch · 11/12/2019 16:17

I didn’t cut my sons cake a fews years back because I couldn’t be bothered in a soft play area to slice and portion up little pieces of cake. instead I put a pre portioned slice of cake in each bag, much more hygienic and easier for me.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 11/12/2019 16:19

instead I put a pre portioned slice of cake in each bag

to be fair, that does count as "cutting the cake".
it's the concept of "show cake", admired but not given away that is cringey.

GlamGiraffe · 11/12/2019 16:32

You have a 2 hour party, sometimes 3. The kids arrive over 20 minutes. Theres generalised hyperactive bedlam. The entertainment starts. Sitting down and eating takes about 40 minutes, they usually have about 3party rings, a handful of Cadbury finger biscuits and two cupcakes which they lick the icing off of whilst running around as their parents are turning up to collect them and you are still trying to supervise. The last thing you can remember/manage to do is the cake which you resort to stuffing in the bags.
I have given out cake at parties in the past, there are one, maybe two children who eat it, the rest leave it. The adults all eat it.
I have forgotten to cut up a birthday cake before in the chaos before, I admit it😮
I cannot understand why with all the cake and biscuits that have just been eaten a child would feel particularly deprived.
I'm mid 40s and birthday cakes came in a napkin in your hand when I was a child, we didn't really get party bags and not everyone even had a cake.

I've always focused on what a fantastic time my children have had at a party, I've never mentioned the cake.

Mlou32 · 11/12/2019 16:57

How old is your kid out of interest? To be "devastated" at not getting a bit of the main cake and "not thinking that a fairy cake is a reasonable substitute" seem to be a bit of an... unusual reaction for a child to have.

I think in such a case, I'd be teaching my child to be grateful for everything that he did get ie a party invitation, fun day out and lots of food and snacks instead of being ungrateful at not getting a bit of cake in addition to everything else that he did receive.

Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 11/12/2019 17:15

We end up with two cakes per party, gran and nanny wars slightly joking! Both are lit, one is eaten. The other in a party bag. I love watching them devour it :-) but i do parties on the cheap anyway. I love parties and making fun party bags up. Maybe im the minority

doritosdip · 11/12/2019 17:22

I do the napkin thing. Surely most birthday cake is eaten by a parent as thanks for taking child to party?

The party spread will often include cakey items like cupcakes and Rice Krispie cake so birthday cake on top is excessive imo.

eddiemairswife · 11/12/2019 17:47

I come from the days of rationing. For a birthday cake aunties or grandmas would contribute eggs or sugar for the cake, and we all had a slice at teatime. There was one girl who, when her mother came to collect her, would ask for a slice of birthday cake 'for Mummy'. As children we thought it was embarrassing, but bearing in mind rationing it was a bit cheeky, as 'Mummy' had probably put her up to do it.

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