AIBU? Children's birthday cakes at Parties - Enlighten me

[Morgomargot]

Mumsnet please enlighten me about children's birthday cakes. I've been to a few parties recently with kids ages 3-4 and at every one the cake is either not cut at all, or is cut and shoved into party bags wrapped in napkins but not given out to eat there and then. My child looks at me confused and disappointed that he isn't going to get any cake. Can anyone tell me why this is done? To my mind if you go to the trouble and expense of making or buying a cake then bloody dish it out to the kids to be enjoyed. Don't wrap it in a napkin to dry out and get squished so it is almost inedible by the time you get home. I can't ever remember going to a party as a kid and not getting birthday cake. Is this the done thing now? Are the hosts secretly going home to binge eat an entire cake? Is it going in the bin? Dummy cake? Am I committing a serious faux pas by cutting the cake and giving it to the kids to eat then and there?! For the love of God let them eat cake!!

I've never been to a party where there's NO cake. There's always cupcakes ect in the buffet (which mostly end up trampled into the carpet).

Could the reason for no cake these days be that folks are more aware of allergies, nut traces ect?

I don't have an issue with it being cut up for party bags rather than eaten there and then - whatever works is fine. But it seems beyond tight to take it back home uncut and not give anyone any cake at all!

Cut up in napkins is the norm, was the case when I was a kid. The first time I ate cake at a kids party was when we moved to the USA

I get the cake in the party bag thing for all the mentioned reasons; time, children already full of sugar, nice to enjoy later etc, but not cutting it at all is so mean! I've never seen that happen

I’ve seen not-cutting, then really cheap and nasty fairy cakes sent home in party bags. So cheap!

I always see it go in party bags.

What really sucks is when I'm related to the birthday child and I don't get any cake because it's all in party bags!!

I'll just have to get to grips with the napkin wrapped cake things. Seems to be the norm. I really don't remember this at all from my childhood. Most of my friends parties were at their houses though so the cake was dished out as part of the birthday tea. I guess as my kids get older I'll find myself frantically wrapping cake in napkins for party bags

I would love someone to explain the no cake thing though. It's hard to leave a party when your three year old can still see the uncut cake and keeps asking why he isn't getting any cake. "You remember that mini fairy cake you had after your pizza? That was it for cake, Kid. Sorry!" Seems mean.

I much prefer the parties where cake is served there and then - cake in party bags always ends up being found squished in its napkin a few days later when we get round to tidying up (yes, I am a slob).

I also prefer to serve mine to the kids (and parents) when I'm hosting - I usually spend hours making a massive cake and I want to see people enjoy it!

I think tbh children and parents should learn to be grateful to get an invitation to a party, and then a party bag. If my child (no matter how old) was devastated they didn’t get cake to eat, or that they didn’t get to eat it until after the party was over I’d be making sure that was a learning opportunity to be grateful for what they had.

And if I did see a child at a party kicking off about the party, party bag, cake, entertainment etc I’d mark that child out as spoilt, and be wary of inviting them to my child’s party. I won’t be judged by a child because I don’t want to spend )£££s on a kid’s party. Or have the hassle of vacuuming up a million cake crumbs because I let the kids loose on the cake whilst still in my care. Indeed I have been to parties where 7 year olds have complained to the host they didn’t like the food or the drink. That child was moaned about between parents that were there (her parents had dropped and ran) and will probably not be invited to future parties.

Well I’m not doing cake did DDs birthday with her friends this year as she has decided she only wants 3 of them to do an activity followed by Pizza Hut.

Whilst we’re on the topic, would you / your child expect your older child (10) to come home with a party bag if they had been taken out for the day instead of a traditional party?

Serving it at the party is a pain and takes up party time. Half the kids don’t want cake as they are full of food or off playing of the half that do about a quarter take one bit or lick the icing off then dump it and the small minority actually eat it. You then end up binning a load of slevered on wasted cake. If you put it in the party bag they can take it home and and like my ds2 sit down later and savour it before dh eats it.

Always in napkins here and my kids never eat it because it’s all squished up and gross

They don't want to clear up the mess you make eating it, or they don't want to share it because it cost them a lot of money 🤷‍♀️

my kids bring home a squashed inedible bit of cake in most party bags which goes straight in the bin. seems completely pointless.

when I do a party, I cut the cake up straight after the candles are blown out & serve it straightaway to kids & grownups & everyone. I want as much eaten as possible at the event so I don't have to carry it home.

Yes you're right Fucket, what an incredibly unreasonable expectation my 3 year old had of getting cake at a birthday party, when he has seen the cake and there have been candles and singing. Maybe at Christmas I should stuff a stocking with screwed up bits of wrapping paper and then when he says he is upset that he didn't get any presents I'll cancel Christmas, take down the tree, give him bread and water and remind him of how grateful he should be. That is a lesson that will really stick.

Don't think I've been to a birthday where there's no cake, it was definitely always put in the party bag already when I was a kid. We sang 'happy birthday' then it was taken away to be cut whilst someone entertained or played some other game. Eldest was invited to a party where the cake wasn't even lit. It was there, just wasn't touched.

I cut up cake at the end after 'happy birthday' had been sang and handed it out in napkins with a party bag as everyone left. It thought that made the most sense.

Blimey I’ve heard it all now! Not cutting the cake at all?!?! What’s all that about, that’s ridiculous to get a fancy cake just to put on show or indirectly say “you lot that aren’t family are not worthy of this £100 cake”

I tend to always buy or make a big cake so they usually get some at party and in the bag, although my son is now 11 so no more party bag parties for him, they ( as in his 4 good friends) are happy to just go cinema with a five guys meal or pizza after.

I cut the cake and put it into bags. I like to think of it as a treat for when they get home (there’s always plenty of other cake served).
I also wanted to add that my child has allergies. I dread the cake being served. Partly because mine can’t eat it and partly because good meds can be contained when they are sat at a table but people who give out cake normally do it on a napkin and it gets everywhere! Can be a right pain for us. I had to leave one party recently when the cake was cut and served half way through and kids were dropping bits and taking it into the soft play, making it unsafe for my DD. This was despite the host being away of my child’s situation.

That should say the mess can’t be contained...

I tend to get cupcakes made as well as a cake for DS. I then give the kids a cupcake in a box to take home, and then keep the cake to cut when we get home for our family.

Cake wrapped up and put in party bags here. Haven’t seen anything different.

You cut the cake when you want everyone to go home, don’t you? Like ringing the bell for last orders.

I agree with you OP that the cake would probably be nicer eaten at the party but IME it's always cut, wrapped and taken away, even at adults parties. I really can't remember back to parties when I was a child , although even then I have a vague idea we may have taken the cake home in a napkin. Most definitely this was what happened at any parties DS attended.

What always bugged me about the parties was that after an hour of running around getting over excited, the kids drink sugary squash, eat party food which includes some kind of cake /biscuit etc and then come home with a bag full of Haribo- as if they needed more sugar!

I'd be more concerned my child was devastated about not getting a piece of cake.

At the ones we've been to and dd's parties I've done a buffet with small cakes/mini rolls etcthen cut the main cake for the bags, none of the nursery or school friends kicked up a fuss, they were more than full with all the buffet food.

The cutting up takes a while, dividing it up then individually wrapping it and I'd rather be watching dd enjoy herself so next year I'm planning to not cut the main cake 😱 and give out cupcakes with the party bags and if any child is devastated then tough.

Always had cake into napkins and in the party bag both as a child and for my dc.