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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DD15 behaviour should I say something to best friend

164 replies

pixie45 · 08/09/2019 21:02

Today I went cinema with DD15, best friend, her DD19 & her boyfriend who came last min.

Before they came DD15 said to me she didn’t want to sit with best friends DD19/her boyfriend I said to her this is how seating arrangement are - basically when we do go cinema DD15/Best Friends DD19 always sit in front together & this has never been a issue before everyone including DD15 were happy with this.

Anyway once they came my DD15 said in front of my best friend I’m sitting at the back with you I don’t want to sit next to them I said to her no this is the seating arrangements like always. Again DD15 said no I’m not sitting at the front I don’t want to I’m sitting next to you at the back, again I said no, at this point my best friend looked on in disbelief then she walked off to her DD19/boyfriend which I was very embarrassed about I did tell DD15 off though.

When we were walking into cinema my best friend said to me don’t she want to sit next to my daughter cos her boyfriend is here I said don’t worry about it but I was very embarrassed. When we went into the cinema my DD15 pulled a face at having to sit next to them.

Was I being unreasonable to not let DD15 sit next to me? Should I say anything to my best friend?

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 08/09/2019 22:13

This whole thing is bizarre, the only thing I can be completely sure of is that you were totally unreasonable.

callmeadoctor · 08/09/2019 22:14

Also OP you can change seating at the cinema even if you have booked online, you have to go and see ticket people and sort it. (As I know because I booked seats at the front recently online so had to change it).

Bloodybanana · 08/09/2019 22:14

So your DD sat next to them in the end, was it as bad as she thought it would be?
You didn't go about the situation in the best way but it doesn't sound like a big deal really. You don't seem to have mentioned how DD actually feels now, if she's upset, sit down and talk to her if she's fine then move on and keep it in mind for next time

WhatTiggersDoBest · 08/09/2019 22:14

The way I'm reading this, the 19 year old boyfriend possibly said or did something that made 15 year old DD feel so uncomfortable she didn't want to sit anywhere near him, but she didn't want to tell you what happened, so she tried to resolve it with you by moving seats instead of going into detail, which makes me think whatever bothered her might be something she didn't want to say outright in front of everyone.

PrimeMumister · 08/09/2019 22:16

You're changing your story Hmm

Bumbags · 08/09/2019 22:17

Did you ask her why she changed her mind?

MarigoldEntwin · 08/09/2019 22:18

The way I'm reading this, the 19 year old boyfriend possibly said or did something that made 15 year old DD feel so uncomfortable she didn't want to sit anywhere near him

Wow. Are you for real?

You seem to be suggesting that this man sexually assaulted an under age girl? Based on absolutely nothing.

zxcvhjkl · 08/09/2019 22:18

YABU.

If you're all going together why not all sit together?!

Your daughter is allowed to change her mind, if I realised I would be third wheel I would be wanting to move too. Frankly you seem quite awful for forcing her to sit there! Wouldn't it have been nice to have your daughter near you and have the time together? If seems you basically chose your friend over your daughter, when you could have all just swapped seats and saved alot of hassle.

I think it was quite an error of judgement on your part. I also think you should apologise to her and remind her if ever she is uncomfortable with something it's OK to change her mind.

Marnie76 · 08/09/2019 22:19

This thread keeps getting weirder

1stmonkey · 08/09/2019 22:19

YABU. And bloody weird.
Making a problem and causing a scene about nothing, for no good reason. Your poor child.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 08/09/2019 22:20

YABU. And odd.

Next time go to the cinema with just your daughter or just your friend.

Original poster
pixie45 · 08/09/2019 22:21

DD15 said nothing after cinema her usual chatty self

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 08/09/2019 22:23

Isnit front of cinema and back of cinema or 2 and 2 behind each other? (Or 2 and 3 in this case).

Only I can't ever imagine going to cinema with my best friend and our DCs and not all sitting together Confused

MarigoldEntwin · 08/09/2019 22:23

WHY WONT THE OP SAY WHY HER DD DID NOT WANT TO SIT WITH THEM?

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 08/09/2019 22:24

This is utterly bizaare. Of course YABU, just let the poor girl sit where she wants and she clearly didn't want to be the third wheel.

Marnie76 · 08/09/2019 22:24

Whattiggersdobest

I think ‘the way you are reading it’ is bonkers. Talk about stretching!!

youarenotkiddingme · 08/09/2019 22:25

Sorry hadn't refreshed and seen latest posts.

Yanbu then. If they chose arrangement and then dd changed her mind after you'd booked that's her issue.

I guess you could have swapped the 3 and 2 around but I'm like you - make a decision and lie in your bed!

Aprillygirl · 08/09/2019 22:28

This has gotta be a wind up Confused

halloumi2019 · 08/09/2019 22:28

This is so weird, why are you treating a 15 year old like a 5 year old? She can sit where she wants in the cinema surely, even if that means away from the lot of you! What would you have done if seats in the arrangement you want wouldn’t be available as the cinema was busy?

Also it’s so so so weird that you expect a 15 year old and a 19 year old & bf to hang out together just because the mothers are best friends? They’re too old for that. You’re just infantising them. You sound weird.

BlockedAndDeleted · 08/09/2019 22:29

make a decision and lie in your bed!

Apt metaphor for a deeply problematic attitude...

TriciaH87 · 08/09/2019 22:30

You made her uncomfortable and no doubt to feel she shouldn't be there. You made her a spare part to the couple who would be all over each other during film because you didn't want her around you and for nk apparent reason.

Rachelover60 · 08/09/2019 22:36

What a weird thread.
All over now, op, forget it.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/09/2019 22:40

Was this the first time she had met this boyfriend? I wonder if, in that case, she recognised him as someone she has had previous trouble with.
And you should have had her back rather than showing her up in front of others.

ChickenyChick · 08/09/2019 22:50

Sorry but you are very weird with your seat control, why can’t the 15yr old sit where she likes?

Very controlling in a weird way

BeanBag7 · 08/09/2019 22:53

I don’t understand why you didn’t sit on the 3 with your daughter and friend and the couple have the row of 2?

Yeah this seems like the most obvious solution. Rather than embarrassing her and making it into a really big deal. She was originally Ok with it, then changed her mind. She probably thought it wouldnt be a big problem to swap seats as it really shouldn't have been.